The joke thread - Page 538

Jimbuna · 08-06-15, 08:32 AM

Nigel Farage has called for the introduction of an Australian cricket-based immigration system...

All out in less than two hours.

BossMark · 08-06-15, 01:19 PM

Cricket Australia.
Sponsored by Immodium.
Stopping you from getting the runs.

Harvs · 08-06-15, 05:55 PM

8 for 15

time we moved "extras" up the batting order.

BossMark · 08-07-15, 02:26 AM

I think I drank too much last night.....

I was more wasted than an Australian batsman's sun cream.

Jimbuna · 08-07-15, 07:30 AM

Sylvester Stallone tells us that he is "better at painting than at acting."

I've never seen his paintings, but I agree with him.

Harvs · 08-07-15, 08:45 AM

Ok, even though the Australian test team is pathetic, dont forget what nationality the English cricket coach is, an Australian taught England how to play, Australia just forgot how to play.

Jeff-Groves · 08-07-15, 11:36 AM

Hey Buck up Mate!
I just saw Australia beat Great Britian last night.

Total Recall is a good movie!

Eichhörnchen · 08-07-15, 11:44 AM

BossMark · 08-08-15, 01:24 AM

My son asked, "Dad, where do animals go when they die?"

I said, "It depends, son."

He asked, "On whether they were good or bad?"

I replied, "No, on whether they taste good or not."

BossMark · 08-08-15, 02:11 AM

I was telling the wife that my granddad passed away just after grandma died.

"Aww." She said, "He must have been really close to her."

"Very." I told her. "In the passenger seat."

Jimbuna · 08-08-15, 08:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Harvs

Ok, even though the Australian test team is pathetic, dont forget what nationality the English cricket coach is, an Australian taught England how to play, Australia just forgot how to play.

Great joke considering he hasn't been in post for three months yet and straight after the match in a televised interview Cook (England Captain) made the following statements regarding Moores the previous England Coach and Bayliss the very recent incumbent...

Quote:

We need to think Peter Moores as well. A lot of guys made huge developments under Moores. We have to remember him. This is for you too, Mooresy.

Quote:

Trevor Bayliss? Well, he's only just turned up so let's not give him too much credit!

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/cri...hree-live.html

Jimbuna · 08-08-15, 08:40 AM

A fit blonde walked up to me in the street yesterday and slipped a piece of paper in my hand with an address on it and the instruction to be there at 8pm tomorrow.

"Heck yes" I thought earlier today as I splashed on my Brute aftershave, "I'm getting laid tonight"

I waited outside for 15 minutes and she hadn't turned up., so I popped in and it was a Weight Watchers meeting.

Poor girl must have been so hungry, she wrote down the wrong address.

BossMark · 08-08-15, 11:39 PM

I'm not saying my mate's rock hard, but his parachute didn't open when he went skydiving recently, so he took it back and got a refund.

BossMark · 08-09-15, 12:59 AM

Some experts say that dumb people are fascinated by shiny things.
Well, that explains why woman love jewellery.

Jimbuna · 08-09-15, 08:38 AM

Two compulsive liars are having a conversation when one says to the other,

'I jumped off that building the other day and died'

The other replies, ' I know I saw you'

08-06-15, 08:32 AM	#8056
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,375 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Nigel Farage has called for the introduction of an Australian cricket-based immigration system... All out in less than two hours. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

08-06-15, 01:19 PM	#8057
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	Cricket Australia. Sponsored by Immodium. Stopping you from getting the runs. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

08-06-15, 05:55 PM	#8058
Harvs Grey Wolf Join Date: Feb 2015 Location: Noonamah,Darwin Posts: 769 Downloads: 76 Uploads: 0	8 for 15 time we moved "extras" up the batting order. __________________ *You cannot kill that which cannot be hit.* [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] Intel Core i7-2600K CPU @ 3.40GHz Liquid cooled NVIDIA GeForce GTX650 TiBOOST X2 in SLI 16GB RAM Windows 7 Home Premium SP1 64BIT ASUS MAXIMUS V GENE Motherboard

08-07-15, 02:26 AM	#8059
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	I think I drank too much last night..... I was more wasted than an Australian batsman's sun cream. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

08-07-15, 07:30 AM	#8060
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,375 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Sylvester Stallone tells us that he is "better at painting than at acting." I've never seen his paintings, but I agree with him. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

08-07-15, 08:45 AM	#8061
Harvs Grey Wolf Join Date: Feb 2015 Location: Noonamah,Darwin Posts: 769 Downloads: 76 Uploads: 0	Ok, even though the Australian test team is pathetic, dont forget what nationality the English cricket coach is, an Australian taught England how to play, Australia just forgot how to play. __________________ *You cannot kill that which cannot be hit.* [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] Intel Core i7-2600K CPU @ 3.40GHz Liquid cooled NVIDIA GeForce GTX650 TiBOOST X2 in SLI 16GB RAM Windows 7 Home Premium SP1 64BIT ASUS MAXIMUS V GENE Motherboard

08-07-15, 11:36 AM	#8062
Jeff-Groves Village Idiot Join Date: Sep 2014 Posts: 5,383 Downloads: 131 Uploads: 0	Hey Buck up Mate! I just saw Australia beat Great Britian last night. Total Recall is a good movie!

08-07-15, 11:44 AM	#8063
Eichhörnchen Starte das Auto Join Date: Aug 2014 Location: The Fens Posts: 15,787 Downloads: 5 Uploads: 0	__________________

08-08-15, 01:24 AM	#8064
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	My son asked, "Dad, where do animals go when they die?" I said, "It depends, son." He asked, "On whether they were good or bad?" I replied, "No, on whether they taste good or not." __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

08-08-15, 02:11 AM	#8065
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	I was telling the wife that my granddad passed away just after grandma died. "Aww." She said, "He must have been really close to her." "Very." I told her. "In the passenger seat." __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

08-08-15, 08:40 AM	#8067
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,375 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	A fit blonde walked up to me in the street yesterday and slipped a piece of paper in my hand with an address on it and the instruction to be there at 8pm tomorrow. "Heck yes" I thought earlier today as I splashed on my Brute aftershave, "I'm getting laid tonight" I waited outside for 15 minutes and she hadn't turned up., so I popped in and it was a Weight Watchers meeting. Poor girl must have been so hungry, she wrote down the wrong address. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

08-08-15, 11:39 PM	#8068
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	I'm not saying my mate's rock hard, but his parachute didn't open when he went skydiving recently, so he took it back and got a refund. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

08-09-15, 12:59 AM	#8069
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	Some experts say that dumb people are fascinated by shiny things. Well, that explains why woman love jewellery. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

08-09-15, 08:38 AM	#8070
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,375 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Two compulsive liars are having a conversation when one says to the other, 'I jumped off that building the other day and died' The other replies, ' I know I saw you' __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)