The joke thread - Page 40

Jimbuna · 09-29-11, 11:44 AM

I was serving this smug bugga in a suit in Burger King when he asked, "So, do you enjoy your job then?"

"Yeah, it's ok," I replied.

He said, "I'm designing a robot that, in years to come, will take your place."

"Good luck teaching it how to spit," I said, handing over his burger.

BossMark · 10-01-11, 11:44 PM

I went to the cinema the other day and in the front row was an old man and with him was his dog. It was a sad funny kind of film, you know the type. In the sad part, the dog cried his eyes out, and in the funny part, the dog laughed its head off. This happened all the way through the film. After the film had ended, I decided to go and speak to the man.

"That's the most amazing thing I've seen," I said. "That dog really seemed to enjoy the film."

The man turned to me and said, "Yeah, it is. He hated the book."

Jimbuna · 10-02-11, 09:43 AM

My wife's been out in the sun all day working the fields and now she's got the nerve to complain because she's peeling.

"Complain all you want." I said, "Just hurry up and get those spuds finished, I'm starving!"

Sailor Steve · 10-02-11, 10:00 AM

This just in: RETIRED POLICE OFFICER FOUND MURDERED.

Wife claims years of ongoing abuse.

Jimbuna · 10-02-11, 10:09 AM

A police officer is parked outside a bar one night when he sees a drunk man stumble out the door. The man staggers through the parking lot and falls down. He tries his keys in five different cars before getting in and driving off. The cop immediately pulls him over and makes the man take a breathalyser test. The man blows a 0.0.

"This thing must be broken," the cop says.

The man responds, "Nope, tonight I'm the designated decoy!"

nikimcbee · 10-02-11, 10:10 AM

Indian cricket.

BossMark · 10-02-11, 10:25 AM

Two vampire bats wake up in the middle of the night, thirsty for blood. One says, "Let's fly out of the cave and get some blood."

"We're new here," says the second one. "It's dark out, and we don't know where to look. We'd better wait until the other bats go with us."

The first bat replies, "Who needs them? I can find some blood somewhere." He flies out of the cave.

When he returns, he is covered with blood.

The second bat says excitedly, "Where did you get the blood?"

The first bat takes his buddy to the mouth of the cave. Pointing into the night, he asks, "See that black building over there?"

"Yes," the other bat answers.

"Well," says the first bat, "I didn't."

Jimbuna · 10-02-11, 10:30 AM

I heard on the news that 500 people have been infected with rabies in Peru after being bitten by a vampire bat.

That's strange, I could have sworn the mother in law said she was going to Spain.

BossMark · 10-02-11, 11:18 AM

Two blonde robbers were robbing a hotel. The first one said, "I hear sirens. Jump!"

The second one said, "But we're on the 13th floor!"

The first one screamed back, "This is no time to be superstitious."

Jimbuna · 10-02-11, 11:33 AM

My wife put my dinner on my lap last night.

She said, "Would you like anything else?"

I said, "Yes please, a plate and a tea-towel!"

BossMark · 10-02-11, 12:35 PM

Little Johnny and Billy were engaging in the time-honored tradition of a verbal battle like little boys all over the world. "My Father is better than your Father!" Billy declared.

"No, he's not!" Johnny responded.

"My brother is better than you brother!" Billy said.

"He is not! He is not!" Yelled Little Johnny.

"My Mother is better than your Mother!" Billy continued.

A long pause ensued, then Little Johnny said, "Well, I guess ya got me there. I've heard my Father say the same thing more than once

Jimbuna · 10-02-11, 01:33 PM

Wimpy's.

Have to be a complete cry-baby to work there.

Sailor Steve · 10-02-11, 03:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BossMark

Little Johnny and Billy were engaging in the time-honored tradition of a verbal battle like little boys all over the world.

Of course there's what happens in Hollywood:

Johnny: My father is better than your father!

Billy: What? Your father IS my father!

Jimbuna · 10-02-11, 03:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sailor Steve

Of course there's what happens in Hollywood:

Johnny: My father is better than your father!

Billy: What? Your father IS my father!

The classic response

Sailor Steve · 10-02-11, 10:11 PM

Johnny: My dad can beat up your dad!

Billy: My dad's a lawyer. We'll see who wins that one.

09-29-11, 11:44 AM	#586
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,384 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I was serving this smug bugga in a suit in Burger King when he asked, "So, do you enjoy your job then?" "Yeah, it's ok," I replied. He said, "I'm designing a robot that, in years to come, will take your place." "Good luck teaching it how to spit," I said, handing over his burger. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

10-01-11, 11:44 PM	#587
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	I went to the cinema the other day and in the front row was an old man and with him was his dog. It was a sad funny kind of film, you know the type. In the sad part, the dog cried his eyes out, and in the funny part, the dog laughed its head off. This happened all the way through the film. After the film had ended, I decided to go and speak to the man. "That's the most amazing thing I've seen," I said. "That dog really seemed to enjoy the film." The man turned to me and said, "Yeah, it is. He hated the book." __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

10-02-11, 09:43 AM	#588
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,384 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	My wife's been out in the sun all day working the fields and now she's got the nerve to complain because she's peeling. "Complain all you want." I said, "Just hurry up and get those spuds finished, I'm starving!" __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

10-02-11, 10:00 AM	#589
Sailor Steve Eternal Patrol Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: High in the mountains of Utah Posts: 50,369 Downloads: 745 Uploads: 249	This just in: RETIRED POLICE OFFICER FOUND MURDERED. Wife claims years of ongoing abuse. __________________ “Never do anything you can't take back.” —Rocky Russo

10-02-11, 10:09 AM	#590
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,384 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	A police officer is parked outside a bar one night when he sees a drunk man stumble out the door. The man staggers through the parking lot and falls down. He tries his keys in five different cars before getting in and driving off. The cop immediately pulls him over and makes the man take a breathalyser test. The man blows a 0.0. "This thing must be broken," the cop says. The man responds, "Nope, tonight I'm the designated decoy!" __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

10-02-11, 10:10 AM	#591
nikimcbee Fleet Admiral Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Patroling the Slot. Posts: 17,925 Downloads: 90 Uploads: 0	Indian cricket. __________________

10-02-11, 10:25 AM	#592
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	Two vampire bats wake up in the middle of the night, thirsty for blood. One says, "Let's fly out of the cave and get some blood." "We're new here," says the second one. "It's dark out, and we don't know where to look. We'd better wait until the other bats go with us." The first bat replies, "Who needs them? I can find some blood somewhere." He flies out of the cave. When he returns, he is covered with blood. The second bat says excitedly, "Where did you get the blood?" The first bat takes his buddy to the mouth of the cave. Pointing into the night, he asks, "See that black building over there?" "Yes," the other bat answers. "Well," says the first bat, "I didn't." __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

10-02-11, 10:30 AM	#593
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,384 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I heard on the news that 500 people have been infected with rabies in Peru after being bitten by a vampire bat. That's strange, I could have sworn the mother in law said she was going to Spain. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

10-02-11, 11:18 AM	#594
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	Two blonde robbers were robbing a hotel. The first one said, "I hear sirens. Jump!" The second one said, "But we're on the 13th floor!" The first one screamed back, "This is no time to be superstitious." __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

10-02-11, 11:33 AM	#595
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,384 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	My wife put my dinner on my lap last night. She said, "Would you like anything else?" I said, "Yes please, a plate and a tea-towel!" __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

10-02-11, 12:35 PM	#596
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	Little Johnny and Billy were engaging in the time-honored tradition of a verbal battle like little boys all over the world. "My Father is better than your Father!" Billy declared. "No, he's not!" Johnny responded. "My brother is better than you brother!" Billy said. "He is not! He is not!" Yelled Little Johnny. "My Mother is better than your Mother!" Billy continued. A long pause ensued, then Little Johnny said, "Well, I guess ya got me there. I've heard my Father say the same thing more than once __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

10-02-11, 01:33 PM	#597
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,384 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Wimpy's. Have to be a complete cry-baby to work there. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

10-02-11, 10:11 PM	#600
Sailor Steve Eternal Patrol Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: High in the mountains of Utah Posts: 50,369 Downloads: 745 Uploads: 249	Johnny: My dad can beat up your dad! Billy: My dad's a lawyer. We'll see who wins that one. __________________ “Never do anything you can't take back.” —Rocky Russo