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12-18-18, 02:46 PM | #586 |
Chief of the Boat
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You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams.
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Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
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12-19-18, 07:24 AM | #587 |
Chief of the Boat
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Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, 'Send one of my bags to New York, one to Los Angeles, and one to Miami.'
She said, 'We can't do that!' I told her, 'You did it last week!'
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
12-19-18, 04:16 PM | #588 |
Fleet Admiral
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Happy wife, happy life
There is nothing that rhymes with Happy Husband So welcome to marriage.
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abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right. |
12-19-18, 04:28 PM | #589 |
Dipped Squirrel Operative
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^ So GOD created a garden, but he hated gardening.
So there was Adam. And HE saw that Adam was happy. The rest is history. (Thanks to Dave Allen and Steed, who beat me to it )
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>^..^<*)))>{ All generalizations are wrong. |
12-20-18, 06:40 AM | #590 |
Chief of the Boat
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A grasshopper hops into a bar. The bartender says, "You're quite a celebrity around here. We've even got a drink named after you."
The grasshopper says, "You've got a drink named Steve?"
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
12-21-18, 07:06 AM | #591 |
Chief of the Boat
|
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
12-22-18, 07:20 AM | #592 |
Chief of the Boat
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A Frenchman walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bird is wearing a baseball cap. The bartender says, "Hey, that's neat. Where did you get that?"
The parrot says, "France—they've got millions of them there."
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
12-23-18, 06:20 AM | #593 |
Chief of the Boat
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A dog goes into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender says, "You don't see a dog in here drinking a martini very often."
The dog says, "At these prices, I'm not surprised."
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
12-24-18, 08:55 AM | #594 |
Chief of the Boat
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So a dog walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Do you have any jobs?" and the bartender says, "Why don't you try the circus?" The dog replies, "Why would the circus need a bartender?"
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
12-26-18, 08:22 AM | #595 |
Chief of the Boat
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A pig walks into a bar, orders 15 beers, and drinks them. The bartender asks, "Would you like to know where the bathroom is?"
"No," says the pig. "I'm the little piggy that goes wee-wee-wee all the way home."
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
12-26-18, 09:33 AM | #596 |
Chief of the Boat
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The broccoli says 'I look like a small tree', the mushroom says 'I look like an umbrella', the walnut says 'I look like a brain', and the banana says 'Can we please change the subject?'
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
12-27-18, 06:22 AM | #597 |
Chief of the Boat
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When a neighbor's home was burglarized, I decided to be more safety conscious. But my measly front-door lock wasn’t going to stop anyone, so I hung this sign outside: "Nancy, don’t come in. The snake is loose. Mom."
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
12-27-18, 11:09 AM | #598 |
Chief of the Boat
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A bilingual road sign in Wales caught bikers off guard. The English part read Cyclists Dismount. The Welsh: Llid Y Bledren Dymchwelyd, or "Bladder disease has returned." One theory for the mistake—instead of typing cyclist into an online translation program, someone typed cystitis.
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
12-27-18, 06:09 PM | #599 |
Starte das Auto
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Some years ago I really did go into a secondhand book shop in Grantham and ask the owner if he had any magic books, or had they all disappeared? He looked at me like he'd heard it before
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12-28-18, 08:32 AM | #600 |
Chief of the Boat
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__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
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