The joke thread II - Page 330

Jimbuna · 01-04-24, 09:09 AM

A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, "Anything you say can and will be held against you." The man replies, "Boobs!"

Platapus · 01-04-24, 02:02 PM

What did the teacher do with the student's report on cheese?

She grated it.

Jimbuna · 01-04-24, 02:14 PM

My dad sent me to a psychiatrist for wearing his bra again.

Platapus · 01-04-24, 03:26 PM

What are the three words my wife never want's to hear during sex?

"Honey, I'm home!"

Jimbuna · 01-05-24, 08:49 AM

If you really want to know about mistakes, you should ask your parents.

Platapus · 01-05-24, 05:36 PM

A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, “I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!”

Dargo · 01-06-24, 02:59 AM

Trump (the Fanta Fuhrer): All I know about magnets is this, give me a glass of water, let me drop it on the magnets, that’s the end of the magnets.

Dargo · 01-06-24, 03:08 AM

Make sure to protect your privacy by cutting off the antenna the government put on your tires.

Jimbuna · 01-06-24, 07:14 AM

Got an e-mail today from a "bored housewife 33, looking for some action!" I've sent her my ironing, that'll keep her busy.

Jimbuna · 01-06-24, 07:34 AM

Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose? They couldn't close his casket.

Platapus · 01-06-24, 09:48 AM

Wife: “I’m pregnant.”

Husband: “Hi pregnant, I’m dad.”

Wife: “No, you’re not.”

Jimbuna · 01-06-24, 01:35 PM

You're the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.

Platapus · 01-06-24, 03:15 PM

My marriage counselor asked if it was true that I generally wake up grumpy in the morning.

I said, “Nah, most of the time I just let her sleep.”

Jimbuna · 01-07-24, 07:36 AM

Isn't it scary that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Jimbuna · 01-07-24, 02:21 PM

What's a mixed feeling? When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

01-04-24, 09:09 AM	#4936
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, "Anything you say can and will be held against you." The man replies, "Boobs!" __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

01-04-24, 02:02 PM	#4937
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,983 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	What did the teacher do with the student's report on cheese? She grated it. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

01-04-24, 02:14 PM	#4938
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	My dad sent me to a psychiatrist for wearing his bra again. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

01-04-24, 03:26 PM	#4939
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,983 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	What are the three words my wife never want's to hear during sex? "Honey, I'm home!" __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

01-05-24, 08:49 AM	#4940
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	If you really want to know about mistakes, you should ask your parents. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

01-05-24, 05:36 PM	#4941
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,983 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, “I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!” __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

01-06-24, 07:14 AM	#4944
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Got an e-mail today from a "bored housewife 33, looking for some action!" I've sent her my ironing, that'll keep her busy. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

01-06-24, 07:34 AM	#4945
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose? They couldn't close his casket. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

01-06-24, 09:48 AM	#4946
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,983 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	Wife: “I’m pregnant.” Husband: “Hi pregnant, I’m dad.” Wife: “No, you’re not.” __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

01-06-24, 01:35 PM	#4947
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	You're the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

01-06-24, 03:15 PM	#4948
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,983 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	My marriage counselor asked if it was true that I generally wake up grumpy in the morning. I said, “Nah, most of the time I just let her sleep.” __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

01-07-24, 07:36 AM	#4949
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Isn't it scary that doctors call what they do "practice"? __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

01-07-24, 02:21 PM	#4950
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	What's a mixed feeling? When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)