The joke thread II - Page 307

Jimbuna · 08-28-23, 11:44 AM

Why did the melons choose not to get married?
Because they cantaloupe!

Jeff-Groves · 08-28-23, 11:57 AM

Two Russians - a WWII veteran and an Oligarch - are in the same room in hospital. Both have been in a traffic accident on a motorway.

“Okay, Gramps - why are you here?” asks the oligarch.

“Well… it is a long story. I have had a Messerschmitt fighter engine as a war memento, and I decided to install it on my Moskvich. It succeeded beyond my expectation - I lost the control of my car on motorway when the speedometer needle hit 300 km/h.”

“And you?”, asks the veteran.

“I was driving my BMW on the motorway when a Moskvich sped past me like a bat out of *(&^. I thought my engine had stalled and I stepped off the car. Turned out it hadnt…”

Jimbuna · 08-28-23, 01:03 PM

Who's the most popular guy at the nudist colony? The one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.

Platapus · 08-28-23, 03:36 PM

Last night, my obese parrot died

It was a huge weight off my shoulders.

Eisenwurst · 08-29-23, 04:48 AM

Jimbuna · 08-29-23, 05:54 AM

What did one dried fruit say when another asked it to the movies?
It's a date!

Jimbuna · 08-29-23, 07:45 AM

Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them!

Platapus · 08-29-23, 03:52 PM

Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?

He worked it out with a pencil.

Jimbuna · 08-30-23, 06:12 AM

Why was the math book sad?
It had too many problems!

Jimbuna · 08-30-23, 07:24 AM

Why should you never trust someone writing on graph paper?
Because they must be plotting something!

Platapus · 08-31-23, 06:35 AM

I finally gave up drinking beer for good.

Now I just drink beer for evil.

Jimbuna · 08-31-23, 07:17 AM

If a math teacher had four apples in one hand and five apples in the other hand, what would they have altogether?
Really big hands!

Jimbuna · 08-31-23, 07:26 AM

Why did the robber take a bath before he left the scene of the crime?
He wanted to make a clean getaway!

Platapus · 08-31-23, 02:29 PM

Today, there was a woman passed out at the airport baggage carousel.

She slowly came around though.

Jimbuna · 09-01-23, 04:54 AM

Why does it take pirates a long time to learn the alphabet?
Because they can spend years at C!

08-28-23, 11:44 AM	#4591
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,518 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Why did the melons choose not to get married? Because they cantaloupe! __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

08-28-23, 01:03 PM	#4593
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,518 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Who's the most popular guy at the nudist colony? The one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

08-28-23, 03:36 PM	#4594
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,990 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	Last night, my obese parrot died It was a huge weight off my shoulders. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

08-29-23, 04:48 AM	#4595
Eisenwurst Silent Hunter Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 3,654 Downloads: 58 Uploads: 0	__________________

08-29-23, 05:54 AM	#4596
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,518 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	What did one dried fruit say when another asked it to the movies? It's a date! __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

08-28-23, 11:57 AM	#4592
Jeff-Groves Village Idiot Join Date: Sep 2014 Posts: 5,395 Downloads: 131 Uploads: 0	Two Russians - a WWII veteran and an Oligarch - are in the same room in hospital. Both have been in a traffic accident on a motorway. “Okay, Gramps - why are you here?” asks the oligarch. “Well… it is a long story. I have had a Messerschmitt fighter engine as a war memento, and I decided to install it on my Moskvich. It succeeded beyond my expectation - I lost the control of my car on motorway when the speedometer needle hit 300 km/h.” “And you?”, asks the veteran. “I was driving my BMW on the motorway when a Moskvich sped past me like a bat out of *(&^. I thought my engine had stalled and I stepped off the car. Turned out it hadnt…”

08-29-23, 07:45 AM	#4597
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,518 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them! __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

08-29-23, 03:52 PM	#4598
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,990 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

08-30-23, 06:12 AM	#4599
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,518 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Why was the math book sad? It had too many problems! __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

08-30-23, 07:24 AM	#4600
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,518 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Why should you never trust someone writing on graph paper? Because they must be plotting something! __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

08-31-23, 06:35 AM	#4601
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,990 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	I finally gave up drinking beer for good. Now I just drink beer for evil. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

08-31-23, 07:17 AM	#4602
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,518 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	If a math teacher had four apples in one hand and five apples in the other hand, what would they have altogether? Really big hands! __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

08-31-23, 07:26 AM	#4603
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,518 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Why did the robber take a bath before he left the scene of the crime? He wanted to make a clean getaway! __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

08-31-23, 02:29 PM	#4604
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,990 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	Today, there was a woman passed out at the airport baggage carousel. She slowly came around though. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

09-01-23, 04:54 AM	#4605
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,518 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Why does it take pirates a long time to learn the alphabet? Because they can spend years at C! __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)