Dear Steve Thread

[Armistead]

Originally Posted by Jimbuna

Dear Steve

Best ignore this thread...for your own sanity.

Regards
Deeply Disturbed

Well, I was hoping mature questions would be asked.....

[Jimbuna]

Originally Posted by Armistead

He'll probably have to hire an asst.

Just one?

[Sailor Steve]

I hate it when people do that right...

Originally Posted by Herr-Berbunch

. . . in the middle of a sentence, it's quite embarrassing really. Anyway, if you can help that's be great.

Also I've suddenly got a painful cheek, any ideas how I can find out what caused it - could it be an allergy?

You are a painful cheek. Take two Advil and sue the Aspirin company.

[Sailor Steve]

Originally Posted by Fubar2Niner

Dear Steve.

Please advise, if I squeeze my lemon, will I indeed fall right out of bed? Should I pad the area immediately around said bed?

Yours,

Dazed and confused

I believe a "she" needs to be involved for that to work properly. How many more times are you going to ask that question?

[Sailor Steve]

Originally Posted by August

Dear Steve,

When I wash my white socks with my work clothes they come out with a grey tinge. Is there anything I can do beside buying new socks to fix this?

Signed,
Embarrassed by his socks

The grey color has nothing to do with your work clothes. Wash your feet first.

[Sailor Steve]

Originally Posted by Herr-Berbunch

Dear Steve

Long time reader, first time poster.

I've put the lime in the coconut. Now what?

Regards,

Herr-B

Drink 'em both up. Tom and Dick may not, but every Harry knows this.

[Sailor Steve]

Originally Posted by Cybermat47

Dear Steve,

I'm scared of Girls, especially when they gather into a pack. How can I overcome this?

Sincerely,
Still Single

You can't. My only advice here is "Run for your life!"

[Sailor Steve]

Originally Posted by Armistead

Ordered...

Also, what do you do for morning constipation?

Have your wife start talking again. That should be enough.

[Sailor Steve]

Originally Posted by Jimbuna

Dear Steve,
Sorry but I can not be your girlfriend anymore because my Dad says that I am not supposed to date until I am 16.

Your friend (he said that we can still be friends),

Dave

Dear Dave,

Consider yourself lucky. Your dad just wants me for himself.

[Sailor Steve]

Originally Posted by geetrue

Couldn't help but notice that nikimcbee's medal is for 2010 and Steve's is for 2009.

This is because Neal likes it when McBee licks his nose. When I tried that Neal called the cops.

Does that mean that nikimcbee is a better person to seek counseling ?

Only if your own nose is wet and black.

[Sailor Steve]

Originally Posted by AVGWarhawk

Dear Steve,

Were does the white go when the snow melts?

Thanks,
Frosty

It's collected by the Elf Recycling Gatherer's Order, who then ship it to the Wheal Hall In The Everglades. From there it's used to keep the alligators hidden until the next winter.

Be careful of what might be in your neighbor's snowman.

[Sailor Steve]

Originally Posted by Jimbuna

Dear Steve

There is so much about our time together that I am grateful for, but sadly, the time has come for us to part ways. I wish I could say we’ll still be friends, but it’s just too risky for me.
Trust me, this hurts me more than it hurts you.

Good-bye forever,
Billy

Dear Billy,

I know Jim is better than I am. I wish it weren't so, but it is. I wish you both a long, happy life together.

[AVGWarhawk]

Dear Steve,

What is worse than lobsters on your piano?


Crabs on your organ!

Thanks for listening.

[Sailor Steve]

Originally Posted by Stealhead

Dear Steve,
When picking my nose in public what is the best booger disposal
method? Finger flicking or shirt swipe?How about while on a dinner date?

Signed,
Boogy Fingers

Finger flicking can leave a mess that some poor dog, cat or snail might step in. Shirt-wiping leaves a stain that will drive your date away.

Best to eat it now while it's still fresh. It probably tastes better than the food at that restaurant anyway.

[Sailor Steve]

Originally Posted by Fubar2Niner

Dear Steve,

Why should I never teach my granny to suck eggs?

I see nothing wrong with that practice. Grannies are a precious resource.

Whilst on the subject, just because I laugh last, does it necessarily follow that I laugh longest?

No. If you started late you might actually laugh shortest. But if you laugh loudest your friends will smack you.

If my grandmother made my father a transvestite, if I gave her the wool, would she make me one?

Puzzled

No. Your grandmother hates you.