The joke thread II - Page 152

Jimbuna · 09-05-20, 08:52 AM

Girl: Do you think I’m pretty or ugly?
Boy: You’re both!
Girl: What do you mean?
Boy: You’re pretty ugly

Jimbuna · 09-06-20, 07:26 AM

Guy who owns my local cinema just died.

His funeral is on Monday at 12:10, 14:20 and 18:40.

Jimbuna · 09-06-20, 07:27 AM

I went to the doctors earlier today with hearing problems.

He said “Can u describe the symptoms?”

I said “Homers a fat guy and Marge has blue hair”

Catfish · 09-06-20, 10:02 AM

^

Jimbuna · 09-07-20, 05:16 AM

Just drove to work in a £200,000 vehicle. I love catching the bus.

Jimbuna · 09-07-20, 05:18 AM

Was playing charades last night and my uncle suffered a stroke! Unfortunately it took quite a while to phone an ambulance because we were all shouting “Sylvester Stallone! Sylvester Stallone!”

Platapus · 09-08-20, 06:02 PM

One time when I was flying, the flight attendant asked me if I wanted a snack.

I asked her what my options were

She said, slowly, "Either yes or no"

Platapus · 09-08-20, 06:03 PM

I sued an airline for lost luggage
I ended up losing my case

Platapus · 09-08-20, 06:04 PM

True fact

The person who invented the umbrella originally wanted to call it a brella, but he hesitated.

Catfish · 09-09-20, 05:52 AM

^

They should try the new vaccine on government's members.
If they survive the vaccine works.
If they die the nation is saved.

Jimbuna · 09-09-20, 01:38 PM

What’s the difference between a candle and a curry?

A candle only burns at one end.

Jimbuna · 09-09-20, 01:39 PM

If I was a teacher I would staple burger king application forms to failed exam tests.

Catfish · 09-09-20, 01:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jimbuna

What’s the difference between a candle and a curry?

A candle only burns at one end.

"Alles hat ein Ende nur die Wurst hat zwei"

~ All has an end, only a sausage has two

Platapus · 09-09-20, 06:43 PM

The spread of COVID is based on two factors

1. How dense the population is

2. How dense the population is

Jimbuna · 09-10-20, 09:31 AM

Last year was one of the most memorable times of my life. I remember shouting “I don’t believe it, it’s a boy, it’s a boy!!”

That’s when I decided to never visit Thailand ever again.

09-05-20, 08:52 AM	#2266
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Girl: Do you think I’m pretty or ugly? Boy: You’re both! Girl: What do you mean? Boy: You’re pretty ugly __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

09-06-20, 07:26 AM	#2267
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Guy who owns my local cinema just died. His funeral is on Monday at 12:10, 14:20 and 18:40. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

09-06-20, 07:27 AM	#2268
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I went to the doctors earlier today with hearing problems. He said “Can u describe the symptoms?” I said “Homers a fat guy and Marge has blue hair” __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

09-06-20, 10:02 AM	#2269
Catfish Dipped Squirrel Operative Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: ..where the ocean meets the sky Posts: 16,904 Downloads: 38 Uploads: 0	^ __________________ >^..^<*)))>{ All generalizations are wrong.

09-07-20, 05:16 AM	#2270
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Just drove to work in a £200,000 vehicle. I love catching the bus. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

09-07-20, 05:18 AM	#2271
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Was playing charades last night and my uncle suffered a stroke! Unfortunately it took quite a while to phone an ambulance because we were all shouting “Sylvester Stallone! Sylvester Stallone!” __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

09-08-20, 06:02 PM	#2272
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,983 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	One time when I was flying, the flight attendant asked me if I wanted a snack. I asked her what my options were She said, slowly, "Either yes or no" __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

09-08-20, 06:03 PM	#2273
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,983 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	I sued an airline for lost luggage I ended up losing my case __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

09-08-20, 06:04 PM	#2274
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,983 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	True fact The person who invented the umbrella originally wanted to call it a brella, but he hesitated. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

09-09-20, 05:52 AM	#2275
Catfish Dipped Squirrel Operative Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: ..where the ocean meets the sky Posts: 16,904 Downloads: 38 Uploads: 0	^ They should try the new vaccine on government's members. If they survive the vaccine works. If they die the nation is saved. __________________ >^..^<*)))>{ All generalizations are wrong.

09-09-20, 01:38 PM	#2276
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	What’s the difference between a candle and a curry? A candle only burns at one end. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

09-09-20, 01:39 PM	#2277
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	If I was a teacher I would staple burger king application forms to failed exam tests. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

09-09-20, 06:43 PM	#2279
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,983 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	The spread of COVID is based on two factors 1. How dense the population is 2. How dense the population is __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

09-10-20, 09:31 AM	#2280
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Last year was one of the most memorable times of my life. I remember shouting “I don’t believe it, it’s a boy, it’s a boy!!” That’s when I decided to never visit Thailand ever again. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)