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06-02-18, 06:08 AM | #196 |
Chief of the Boat
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Just had the following conversation in court.
Judge: State your name. Me: Not Guilty Judge: What? Me: I had it legally changed. Judge: You’re Not Guilty? Me: Thanks, I’m outta here.
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06-03-18, 05:46 AM | #197 |
Chief of the Boat
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I walked into the gym and see a bunch of ladies working out, I ask the guy who is running the gym, “Sir, what machine should I use to impress the ladies?”
He smiles and says “Try the ATM in the lobby”.
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
06-04-18, 05:44 AM | #198 |
Chief of the Boat
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The following conversation took place while a prisoner was awaiting execution by electric chair.
Priest: Do you have any last requests? Prisoner: Yes I do, can I hold your hand?
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
06-04-18, 03:06 PM | #199 |
Chief of the Boat
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Why is it when an old person comes up to me at a wedding as says “You’re next” its somehow socially acceptable but when I do the same to them at funeral I get into trouble?
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
06-05-18, 05:50 AM | #200 |
Chief of the Boat
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Why is it that good people are always the ones who get screwed over? The other day I gave my seat to an old lady on the bus and then I got fired from my job as a bus driver.
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
06-05-18, 12:38 PM | #201 |
Chief of the Boat
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The following conversation took place today at the hospital after the doctor told me I’ve only got 3 weeks to live.
Me: Is there nothing you can give me to help? Doctor: Try drinking 1 litre of olive oil every day Me: Will that cure me? Doctor: No but it will make your cremation a lot quicker.
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
06-05-18, 12:51 PM | #202 |
Sea Lord
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 1,668
Downloads: 30
Uploads: 0
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After the doc had examined John, he left the office to fetch the printouts, not saying a word, leaving John feeling a bit uneasy. Shortly after the doctor came back in, looked at John then said
"I am afraid I have some bad news. You only have 5 left" John looked up in shock and half shouted "5? 5 what? Years? Months?" "4..." |
06-06-18, 06:51 AM | #203 |
Chief of the Boat
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Waiter: Can I take your order sir, kids eat free today.
Me: Oh, well in that case i’ll just have a glass of water and my son will have the grilled lobster,a 15oz steak and a small bottle of champagne please.
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
06-07-18, 08:28 AM | #204 |
Chief of the Boat
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A funeral was held today for the inventor of air conditioning.
Thousands of fans attended.
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
06-08-18, 06:44 AM | #205 |
Chief of the Boat
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Went to the barbers today and asked to get my hair cut like Justin Bieber. He totally shaved my head bald. I said “What the hell have you done. Justin Bieber doesn’t have his hair cut like this!!”, the barber said “He would if he came into my shop.”
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
06-09-18, 07:34 AM | #206 |
Chief of the Boat
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I went to the doctors earlier today with hearing problems.
He said “Can you describe the symptoms?” I said “Homers a fat guy and Marge has blue hair”
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
06-10-18, 06:20 AM | #207 |
Chief of the Boat
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If you had the choice between being as rich as Bill Gates or having world peace, what color Lamborghini would you buy?
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
06-11-18, 04:24 AM | #208 |
Starte das Auto
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I found this on a Facebook page 'Shropshire Paranormal Investigators Group'... at the top it says "Send a message", but you can guess what I wanted to say
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06-11-18, 01:24 PM | #209 |
Chief of the Boat
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I remember in the old days when instead of selfie sticks people used to have things called friends.
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
06-12-18, 04:32 AM | #210 |
Chief of the Boat
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Can’t believe how nice some people are. Got a compliment today about my driving. Someone left a message on my wind-shield that said ‘parking fine’.
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
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