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Old 04-01-22, 12:10 AM   #1
Onkel Neal
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bullhorn Starting a new venture: SUBSIM Coffee Company (April Fool 2022)

You know, I've been retired two years now and the toughest part is keeping busy. Lucky for me an old college friend brought a great business opportunity my way. With his contacts and my backing, we're launching the SUBSIM Coffee Company. Everyone loves great coffee and we will feature the best special blends that will go great with long nights in the Atlantic playing Cold Waters and Wolfpack.




I have a special deal for all SUBSIM members, free samples, my friends.




.
.
.

Enjoy!
Onkel Neal



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Old 04-01-22, 12:53 AM   #2
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It's only 22:52 and I want my money back or the damned coffee.....
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Old 04-01-22, 01:08 AM   #3
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Sorry but by the time it got to Australia it would be rather stale, not to mention the freight cost!!

I hope your venture is a success, all the best!!
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Old 04-01-22, 02:04 AM   #4
John Pancoast
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I'm the opposite; I was always very busy at work so when I retired almost four years ago that is the last thing I wanted to be.
Good luck with your business !
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Old 04-01-22, 08:31 AM   #5
August
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Buddahaid View Post
It's only 22:52 and I want my money back or the damned coffee.....

You'd be a fool not to ask for it.
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Old 04-01-22, 03:05 AM   #6
Admiral8Q
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Hmm. The Atlantic? May need some Subsim coffee for the Pacific though. :8q
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Old 04-01-22, 03:14 AM   #7
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Hopefully Skybird likes your coffee more than he likes Donald Trump otherwise you'll get verbally verbosely torpedoed, and we'll have an April 1st Committee.

Import the beans from Colombia on a narco sub
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Old 04-01-22, 03:28 AM   #8
blackswan40
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Dont be a fool n dont miss the bus order by the 1st of April or you will miss out good one Onkel
its all El Whackos fault all those acorn shells
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Old 04-01-22, 04:34 AM   #9
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I had to read this twice to not believe it!
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Old 04-01-22, 05:22 AM   #10
Reece
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Don't tell me I was sucked in!!
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Old 04-01-22, 06:05 AM   #11
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Quote:
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Don't tell me I was sucked in!!


Good one Neal.

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Old 04-01-22, 05:29 AM   #12
Catfish
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"Crush depth blend"

Maybe add a uboat cocktail to widen the experience
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Old 04-01-22, 05:39 AM   #13
ET2SN
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Icon14

SILENT BATTLE STATIONS COFFEE.

This is an authentic recipe for a "coffee-like" beverage enjoyed during a typical "OPS" watch (12-14 hours avg.).

Start by buying a box of Carnation or Swiss Miss Instant Hot Chocolate packets (bonus if you find the type with mini marshmallows). Open the box and remove all of the envelopes of instant coco, crush each envelope, cram back in box.

Start a pot of Neal's scam coffee. Once the coffee has completed brewing, DO NOT empty grounds or turn off heat source! Leave the pot alone for at least 3-4 hours. Use this time to examine a soldering iron or change the oil in your car. You may ask, "But ET2SN, won't the coffee be burned and bitter?" You're d@mned tootin' it will be. We want the coffee to be scorched to the point where where it changes from the traditional deep brown color to an oil-sludge black hue.

Empty one or two (if you're feeling adventurous) packets of hot coco mix into a traditional Navy mug and fill to the top with the burned coffee. Stir no more than FOUR revolutions (to avoid dissolving the spoon) then allow the mug to cool for several hours. "SBS coffee beverage" (aka: mocha) is best experienced when its somewhere between luke-warm and room temperature.

DO NOT drink quickly! Ulcer-like symptoms will develop quickly if you try to chug this stuff in large gulps. Trust me, you won't be falling asleep for a while.



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Old 04-01-22, 06:06 AM   #14
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Throw a rivet into your coffee brewing. When the rivet swims on top, the coffee is ready.
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Old 04-01-22, 06:52 AM   #15
Commander Wallace
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ET2SN View Post
SILENT BATTLE STATIONS COFFEE.

This is an authentic recipe for a "coffee-like" beverage enjoyed during a typical "OPS" watch (12-14 hours avg.).

Start by buying a box of Carnation or Swiss Miss Instant Hot Chocolate packets (bonus if you find the type with mini marshmallows). Open the box and remove all of the envelopes of instant coco, crush each envelope, cram back in box.

Start a pot of Neal's scam coffee. Once the coffee has completed brewing, DO NOT empty grounds or turn off heat source! Leave the pot alone for at least 3-4 hours. Use this time to examine a soldering iron or change the oil in your car. You may ask, "But ET2SN, won't the coffee be burned and bitter?" You're d@mned tootin' it will be. We want the coffee to be scorched to the point where where it changes from the traditional deep brown color to an oil-sludge black hue.

Empty one or two (if you're feeling adventurous) packets of hot coco mix into a traditional Navy mug and fill to the top with the burned coffee. Stir no more than FOUR revolutions (to avoid dissolving the spoon) then allow the mug to cool for several hours. "SBS coffee beverage" (aka: mocha) is best experienced when its somewhere between luke-warm and room temperature.

DO NOT drink quickly! Ulcer-like symptoms will develop quickly if you try to chug this stuff in large gulps. Trust me, you won't be falling asleep for a while.




I think your coffee would dissolve the fillings in someone's teeth not to mention remove the paint from someone's stomach. I love adventure but this may be a bit much. I think I will stick to traditional Navy Coffee with a pinch of Sea Salt. Even better with a dram or so of Irish Whiskey in my coffee.


@ Neal


Shakes head. You can mess with a lot of things but when you mess with someone's coffee, that's when it gets real and Will Smith comes out a slappin'.



I think this will be the new catch phrase: " Don't make me get all Will Smith on ya. "
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