Nighthawks Take Off
Obliterate the Nation
Here we go folks, it's Week One in the Subsim Fantasy Football League.
But hold the phone - and not for John Gruden (Tony Romo replacement - ehhhh). There's controversy before we even get the first game of the year started.
This Years Draft was held aboard the International Space Station and the divisions were aligned. The Sub Simmers Division is made up of the Helmand Nighthawks, the Who Dat Nation and the Black Cats. Between these three teams, they own five of the last six years Torpedo Bowl Championships. In the Surface Skimmers Division, the three teams are the the Drunk Monkeys the Australian Taipans and the Guns of Hochuli - the Gunners being the only team to have ever won a Torpedo Bowl.
There has been an international outcry, with the Commissioner receiving telephone calls from @therealdonaldtrump, #TheQueen and several squirrels. The backlash of putting the three strongest teams in the same division has never been higher.
The Commissioner has been in a number of talks and to prevent the previous years Torpedo Bowl participants form reappearing in the same division, they will be separated as of next year.
"It's all about bringing balance to the universe," The Commissioner is quoted at a recent press conference.
Now that we have next years divisional alignment completed, let's look at this years immediate controversies.
But before we get into this weeks highlights, here's the most important message you need to hear.
DONATE TO SUBSIM...AND NOMINATE SUBSIM FANTASY FOOTBALL FOR BEST OF SUBSIM.
On the eve of Patriot Day, we remember the word of our first Patriots on United #93 - "let's roll".
Phone call for Le'Von Bell, Mister Bell, phone call."
Crickets.
Having been drafted by the Black Cats as their first overall pick, Bell is currently on a hold out. His current contract with the Cats has not been inked. It is rumored that Bell wants a Subsim Tshirt, a Subsim calendar and a Subsim mug. Coach FYC has asked Bell to buy his own stuff form the
Subsim Store, but Bell has refused to.
As we go through the games, Bell's absence becomes pivotal for the Black Cat game.
Let's go around the grounds and work out what happened.
In Wembley, England, the Helmand Nighthawks got to open their season against their Torpedo Bowl opponents the Who Dat Nation. The Nation, after having been graded as having the best draft, got sunk by the Nighthawks. The Nighthawks put up a season opening record score, and the second highest score of all time. The damage could have been greater had the Nighthawks not started the Chargers (DEF) which resulted in a negative score. The Who Dat Nation were outplayed both through the air and on the ground, with their only bright spot being Antonio Brown (WR) for 24 points. The Nighthawks serve notice in week one that they want the Torpedo Bowl with a demolition of the Who Dat Nation 211 - 129.
In a surprising turn of events, the Drunk Monkeys showed up for their first away game at the Guns of Hochuli. The Monkeys have been a dormant team for the last few seasons, but, they have still managed to have a hand in the final standings, stealing important wins when they had not business doing so, disrupting the post season. The Gunners under Coach Casey have been the third best team in the league for the past seven years, the unfortunate victim in two seasons of the Monkeys stolen wins. Not this week though. Coach Casey was having none of the hype surrounding the joint ownership of the Drunk Monkeys between Coach Thad and some mystery woman. As if to impress the royalty, Michael Thomas (WR) finally showed up for the Monkeys after seasons of disappointment to put up 44 points. The Monkeys though still need to expand out from a one dimensional team as the Gunners ground game just ran roughshod over the Drunk Monkeys. Guns of Hochuli open the season with a convincing win over the Drunk Monkeys with a 186-154 point victory.
Our final game was the Black Cats hosting the Australian Taipans. The Cats have had their in house tremors with Bell and the Taipans came in to capitalize on that disruption. The Cats and Taipans have met n opening day for the last three years with the Taipans holding a 2-1 advantage. Drew Brees (QB) stated that if he needed to carry the team, he would as he threw for over 430 yards and 3 touchdowns for 43 points. The Taipans had a monumental scare when their starting QB Aaron Rodgers was carted off the field when he was told that his new girlfriend Danica Patrick is not that attractive. Rodgers came back to put up three touchdowns to keep the Taipans in the game until Monday Night. The Cats, perhaps distracted by the Bell issue, started both Amari Cooper (WR) and the Rams (DEF) - a rookie mistake which kept the Taipans in the game until the fourth quarter. Taipans were able to hang in with the Black Cats until the Rams (DEF) intercepted and returned for a pick 6. Final score Black Cass defeat the Taipans by the week's narrowest margin of 155 - 136
So after Week One - where do we stand?
Half the league is 0-1, the other half is 1-0.
Next week, we come back across the pond to the opening day for the Who Dat Nation as they host the Guns of Hochuli. The Nation and the Gunners are marked by the Vegas bookies to finish second and third, but which team will finish higher could be dependent on the result of this game in the second week. The Nation need to not let the Gunners get away with a 2-0 lead and the Gunners can separate themselves form the remainder of the division.
Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.
For the first time in three years, Antonio Brown (WR) is not going to receive the opening week MVT. For the effort of 29 rushing yards, 2 rushing touchdown, 9 receptions for 112 yards with a receiving touchdown, and a 2 point conversion, for a total score of 49.10 points, this years opening week goes to Alvin Kamara (RB) of the Helmand Nighthawks, the Week One MVT.
