SUBSIM Radio Room Forums


SUBSIM: The Web's #1 resource for all submarine & naval simulations since 1997

Go Back   SUBSIM Radio Room Forums > General > General Topics
Forget password? Reset here

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 09-03-2016, 10:35 AM   #1
Gut Wrench
Lieutenant
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Everywhere
Posts: 253
Downloads: 0
Uploads: 0
Icon1 2016 Subsim Fantasy Football Reports

Here we go again folks, 16 of the most frustrating weeks in make believe since we concluded the last sixteen weeks earlier this year. Will we have a repeat champion? Can the international teams get back tot heir glory? Which players will inevitably fail and leave one team on the cusp of .... the Torpedo Bowl.

Yes, it's that time, as we go around the grounds in the

2016 SUBSIM FANTASY FOOTBALL LEAGUE

On draft day we have six returning teams getting ready to make their mark int he premier football league of the world. This year, replacement Commissioner Pioneer (we're still looking for you McBee!) took the opportunity to head to a little more intimate location for the draft. NO fanfare, no major announcement, no half naked super model (they're ALL Naked) and headed to the Maldive Islands.




Somehow, the League decided that this lowly reporter was the only one invited to this pretend location, so I packed my fantasy bag, swimming outfit and fantasy girl and boarded a plane to follow the Coaches to the tropics as they get ready for Draft Day.

And first pick of the draft this year goes to...again, Coach Fuel For Blood with the Who Dat Nation Rises Again.

Teams are still welcome to join....if you can get to the Maldives by the top of the hour.

Last edited by Gut Wrench; 09-03-2016 at 04:14 PM.
Gut Wrench is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-03-2016, 04:56 PM   #2
Gut Wrench
Lieutenant
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Everywhere
Posts: 253
Downloads: 0
Uploads: 0
Icon1

2016 Subsim Fantasy Football Draft
A Buffet Breakfast Draft.

Breakfast in the Maldives. A buffet of fruit, seafood, and fantasy football players. A quick recap on what happened before and after the Draft, but before we do, here's the second most important message of the day.

DONATE TO SUBSIM...AND NOMINATE SUBSIM FANTASY FOOTBALL FOR BEST OF SUBSIM.

On with the Fantasy Football show.

It seems that history will forever belong to former coach Tarjack as the discussion at the start of the draft was, once again, would somone take a Defense in the first round. Sorry Tarjack, the first Defense was taken until the eight.

There were no major surprises during the draft, and the draft was into the sixth round before the first "dammit" was exclaimed, although it appeared that Mister Chris had been sitting on an IED for a few rounds as he furiously crossed out and erased each time one of his anticipated choices were picked up before he could acquire them.

After the draft though, it appeared that the minor league NFL began wholesale trades and cuts. We'll still be here in the Maldives for the next week as the Coaches solidify their teams, and then we'll have eyes on every game, every week, as we hunt down the next Torpedo Bowl Champion.
Gut Wrench is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-04-2016, 09:38 PM   #3
CaptainHaplo
Silent Hunter
 
CaptainHaplo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 4,406
Downloads: 25
Uploads: 0
Default

Go ahead and put the Black Cats name on the trophy now.....
__________________
Good Hunting!

Captain Haplo
CaptainHaplo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-13-2016, 12:28 AM   #4
Gut Wrench
Lieutenant
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Everywhere
Posts: 253
Downloads: 0
Uploads: 0
Icon1

WHO DAT NEEDS ALL OF THE NATION
Black Cats Claim Trophy in Week 1?

Week 1 in the Subsim Fantasy Football League. First game, first opportunity, and judging by prior commentary, first bold statement of the year. We find out if the defending champions have what it takes, we'll look at the silent threat of the Gunners, and check out if the Cats can defend their pre week one engraving on the Torpedo Bowl

Before we look at anything, let's make sure that look at what's really important to this game.


DONATE TO SUBSIM...AND NOMINATE SUBSIM FANTASY FOOTBALL FOR BEST OF SUBSIM.

Week 1 and if you're based anywhere in the world outside of the continental United States, you're on the road. The first of our two foreign teams on the road from London are Mister Chris and the Helmands Nighthawks traveling the FurBall Path headed to meet the Black Cats. Coach Halo after making the wildest claim of "put our names on the trophy....before the season starts" backed up his claim for the trophy with a Week 1 stamping of assertion. The Cats, carrying less Panthers this year than ever before, began the season riding on the shoulders of Derek Carr (QB). An untried commodity against the once glorious Nighthawk Russell Wilson (QB), Carr was able to throw for over 300 yards and put two of his wide receivers, Jordy Nelson and Kelvin Benjamin into the endzone more times than the Nighthawks.

We always seem to have this same conversation year after year, where the question do the Black Cats have the legs to go all the way. Usually the week after we question them the Cats come out and stomp their opposition, so this year, we're going to put the Black Cats victory down to a well oiled piece of machinery, churning it's way through the league beginning with the surprise demolition of the Helmand Nighthawks. Black Cats win their home opener 122 - 108.

Guns of Hochuli got to stay at home this weekend also based on Coach Thad forgetting the draft. You gotta show up for the draft Thad, or you'll end up picking a defense in the first round. Gunners this years are lead by Big Ben (QB) who return to the team after a few years of some other substandard teams. The Drunk Monkeys are no slouch having drafted the returning from injury Andrew Luck (QB), but they had no help when they started suspended Le'Veon bell (RB). Again, we find ourselves Monday Night Quarterbacking some poor choices. Had Coach Thad chosen a Running Back that had any points, he could have reduced the score line and put himself into the running for a win. No running back, no win, and the Drunk Monkeys fall to the Guns of Hochuli 136 - 149. Gunners get the win and look forward to the Defending Champions the Who dat Nation, to determine if they sit alone at the top of the division after Week 1.

Our Match of the Day, as always for Week 1, features our defending Champions staying at home against a really good team. Somehow a really good team was unavailable and the Australian Taipans were scheduled in their place. The Who Dat Nation was favored by 50 points, it didn't even look like it would be a close game. But it was, Drew Brees (QB) set the tone for the Who Dat Nation by coming out and just lighting up the scoreboard with 44 points. The Nation could have had more points if they hadn't make a rookie mistake in starting Justin Landry (WR) and Seattle (Defense). Fortunately for Coach FuelForBlood, they two didn't cancel each other out. The Taipans however got off to a wild start before the game even started, having to trade out two starters, and then losing two more starters to injury during the game. But they stayed with their game working against the Tide and putting up one of the most recent record losing score. If they had played anyone else, they would have had the W, but instead, fall short late on Monday Night when Todd Gurley (RB) gets shut out. Who Dat Nation opens the season off with a high scoring, but less than convincing win against the Taipans 186 - 163.

So, at the end of week 1, here's how the league looks: half the teams are 1-0, the other half are 0-1.

Next week, we head across the Atlantic to the home of the American British team, the Helmand Nighthawks, as they play the Australian American team, the Taipans in our Match of the Week. The two internationals go head to head, once again, early in the season but this time, both teams are trying to get to 1-1.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

For the effort of 8 receptions for 126 yards and 2 touchdowns, for a total of 38.6 points (and was still not the highest individual score of the week) , the Associated Subsim Writers are pleased to present Antonio Brown of the Who Dat Nation, the Week One MVT.


Gut Wrench is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-19-2016, 10:36 PM   #5
Gut Wrench
Lieutenant
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Everywhere
Posts: 253
Downloads: 0
Uploads: 0
Icon1

WHO DAT SMASHED
Can You Hear The Guns Now?

Week 2 in the Subsim Fantasy Football League, and it looks like we have a number of firsts this week. First beat down of our defending champion, first claim of ownership for a new champion, and sadly, first appearance of a ghost tea, - and it isn't even Halloween yet.

We'll go around the grounds and check in on all the action, just as soon as we bring you this very important message.


DONATE TO SUBSIM...AND NOMINATE SUBSIM FANTASY FOOTBALL FOR BEST OF SUBSIM.

Week 2 in the Subsim Fantasy league, as we start to grind our way towards the elusive Torpedo Bowl. Some teams will be challengers, others will wax and wain, and if you are the Drunk Monkeys, you might even try to show up once in a while cause you got 5 wins last year without doing squat. Of course this week, you got your buckshot handed to you by the Black Cats. Coach FYC was on fire this week, with his divisional opponents facing off against one another, it was an opportunity to go one game ahead which looks like all three teams are going to show up this year. At the hand of Cam Newton (QB) the Black Cats carved out a wretched path of destruction against the Drunk Monkeys; not even 22 points by the Broncos (Def) could help Coach Thad this week as the Cats demolished the Monkeys.

"Whoo hoo, **** yeah, how about them apples, you piece of crap Gut Wrench."



The media senses that Coach FYC is not a fan of our writing, so rather than antagonize the Cat (this week), we'll just tip our heat and say "we're impressed" as the Black Cats dismantle the Drunk Monkeys 162 - 119. Black Cats advance to 2-0, and share of the League Lead and sole outright ownership of the division.

Back on home soil, the Guns of Hochuli were hosting the defending champions the Who Dat Nation in what is being predicted as the possible Torpedo Bowl match up. I certainly hope come December it's a little more exciting that this time cause the Nation were sent packing. The Gunners at 1-0, like the Black Cats, were looking to put away their divisional rival and take a share of the ownership of the league. And that they did with a systematic demolition of the Nation. With only two of the Gunners starting team not scoring double digit points (AJ Green (WR) and Mark Ingram (RB)), they were in part helped to a very comfortabel win with the implosion of RB Doug Martyon and Arian Foster for a combined score of 3.8. Even the Nation's Blair Walsh (K) scored more points than that (6 to be exact). Gunners humiliate the Who Dat Nation 121 - 78.

Our Match of the Day was in London where the Helmand Nighthawks were hosting the Australian Taipans on their first "round the world" away trip. Nighthawks started early on Thursday with future potential QB Julian Edelmann (WR) scoring first. With the balance of Brandon Marshall and Dez Bryant (WR) the Nighthawks simply outscored the Taipans at every position, except for Kicker where the Taipans scored 17.50 with Graham Gano. For the second week in a row, the Taipans get beaten by a team putting up another record score. Helmand Nighthawks take the first of the divisional match ups in London to cut the Taipans 162 - 132.

So where does that leave us?

The Gunners and Black Cats at 2-0 share the league lead. Nighthawks win the count back for 3rd position over the Who Dat Nation also at 1-1. Only because the Nation have less points for than against them. Tapins come in at 5th having scored more points than any other team, but also, having more points scored against them by other teams. Drunk Monkeys bring up the Ghostly rear.

Next week, we will have one team with sole ownership of the league as the Guns of Hochuli stay home against the Black cats. With both teams at 2-0, this game becomes pivotal in Week 3 as it is the only meeting between the Gunners and the Cats all year.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

For the effort of 353 passing yards, 37 rushing yards and 4 touchdowns, for a total of 44.32 points, the Associated Subsim Writers are pleased to present Cam Newton of the Black Cats the Week Two MVT.


Gut Wrench is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-20-2016, 05:43 AM   #6
CaptainHaplo
Silent Hunter
 
CaptainHaplo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 4,406
Downloads: 25
Uploads: 0
Default

Coach FYC is indeed a huge fan of the Subsim Fantasy Football reports!

Not so much a fan of the injury bug though! 2 RB's both injured - what's up with that?

Its ok - the Black Cats have officially doubled the yahoo prediction on wins. Take that, Yahoo!
__________________
Good Hunting!

Captain Haplo
CaptainHaplo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-26-2016, 11:47 PM   #7
Gut Wrench
Lieutenant
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Everywhere
Posts: 253
Downloads: 0
Uploads: 0
Icon1

TAIPANS GET ONE BACK AGAINST WHO?
Do Gunners Own the League Yet?

Week 3 in the Subsim Fantasy Football League. And between a rewrite of all three games, and the amount of traffic leaving the Superdome tonight, it's a wonder that anyone can get a Fantasy Football Report written, but we have. We'll tell you about the almost greatest comeback ever seen, who almost coughed up a furball and which team was lucky to be playing the Ghosts this week.

But before we do any of that, let's hear the immortal words from both Presidential Candidates in tonight mass debate.


DONATE TO SUBSIM...AND NOMINATE SUBSIM FANTASY FOOTBALL FOR BEST OF SUBSIM.

Wee 3 in the Subsim Fantasy Football league and the Taipans finally come home to their opening game. After having been marginally beaten on two different continents, the Taipans were trying to stop the landslide by getting one back against their Week 1 rivals, the Who Dat Nation. The Taipans started brilliantly on Thursday night with the New England Defense scoring 27 points (who'd have picked that?) Taipans have been decimated by injuries early ( haven't we all heard that before) but they went out and finally declared their weekend over at 162.20. Coach Pioneer said to the Coach Fuel For Blood "You think you're good enough, come and get it."

Holy crap, Drew Brees (QB) and Devonte Freeman (RB) went after the Taipans, collectively scoring 75 combined points, and only needing Brandon Cooks (WR) of the Nation to bring in the last remaining five or so points. Uh, hello, calling Mister Cooks, where were you? At a lousy 3.9 points, Cooks failed to deliver the last piece of one of the biggest run downs ever seen in fantasy football, to leave the Who Dat Nation short by 1.16 point. From 90 points back they ran down the Taipans but come up 11 yards short. Taipans narrowly get one back, beating the Who Dat Nation 162.2 - 161.04.

Coach Pioneer said after the game "We we're lucky."

Our Match of the Day this week was the Black Cats hosting the Guns of Hochuli. The Furballs and the Gunners only meeting this year drew considerable interest from around the league as they watched one spartan and one almost spartan go blow for blow. The Cats were relying on Cam Newton (QB) who scored modestly, however, it was the selection of Kelvin Benjamin, currently on PTO to attend the Presidential Debate, which shocked the league, scoring a big fat score of 0. With a final tally of 122.68 points, the Cats were not yet assured the victory with the Gunners RB of Mark Ingram still to play. Ingram came out and played, ran, caught a touchdown and a 2 point point conversation to swing the Monday night final result to the Gunners favor. A closer than expected win for the Gunners after Big Ben (QB) choked earlier in the weekend on a furball. Final score Guns of Hochuli 128.48 - Black Cats 122.68.

The Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) are not yet convinced on either team being the dominate force this year, so we'll have a look at one more game, which was also decided late Monday night.

The Ghost Team of the Drunk Monkeys were hosting the Helmand Nighthawks back on the North American continent after a one game home stand in England. The Nighthawks, surprisingly, only put up 123 points. The Monkeys' even though they started suspended RB Le'Von bell, still had Julio Jones (WR) to play on Monday night, and this game also looked like it was going to down to the wire. From the broadcast booth, I repeatedly had to check the tally sheet on Jones throughout the night just to make sure I wasn't missing any catches. Only 1? Who the hell only brings in one catch on a Monday night? Oh, that's right, the Drunk Monkeys, who had a chance to steal a game from the Nighthawks, but fell short. Nighthawks win this one 123 - 114 and can count themselves lucky to have done so.

So after a quarter of the way through the season, let's check the Arnold Palmer Memorial Scorecard and see where the leaders and bogeys lay.

The Guns of Hochuli at 3-0 lead the league and hold a two game lead in their division. Unless the Ghost Team returns to life, the Gunners are in a two horse race to win that division.

The Black Cats and the Helmand Nighthawks are tied at 2-1 both within the league and within their division. The Surface Skimmers division this year looks to be a scrappy affair, where any of the three teams could win the division.

The Who Dat nation and the Australian Taipans are 1-2 and in their respective divisions and need to do some work to catch up. The Nation are two games behind the Gunners, while the Taipans who have scored more points than anyone else, and have also had more points scored against them than anyone else.

The Drunk Monkeys sit at the bottom of the ladder at 0-3 waiting for their coach to show up, again.

Next week, we go back to merry old England as the league makes the Who Dat Nation cross the world from their game in Australia, as the Nighthawks host the Oregon based team. Both teams need a win to stay in contact with the Gunners, and yet, both teams do not need a loss.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

For the effort of 205 passing yards, 4 touchdowns and the important 22 rushing yards for the win, for a total of 33.40 points, the Associated Subsim Writers are pleased to present Aaron Rodgers of the Australian Taipans the Week Three MVT.


Gut Wrench is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-27-2016, 09:31 PM   #8
Gut Wrench
Lieutenant
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Everywhere
Posts: 253
Downloads: 0
Uploads: 0
Icon1

OMG - MONKEYS WIN?
Statisticians Update?

Week 3 in the Subsim Fantasy Football League. And a challenge has been made.

Upheld.

Score revision, Drunk Monkeys win 114 - 107.
Gut Wrench is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-03-2016, 10:46 PM   #9
Gut Wrench
Lieutenant
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Everywhere
Posts: 253
Downloads: 0
Uploads: 0
Icon1

DRUNK MONKEYS GO BANANAS
Ghost Team rises in standings.

Week 4 in the Subsim Fantasy Football League...and the other journalists are all talking about.

"Hey Gut Wrench, can't you read?"

"Hey Gut Wrench, pay attention."

"You need glasses."

...and yes, all of the above is correct. To the Drunk Monkeys and the Helmand Nighthawks, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) are profoundly apologetic for their error in last weeks report, and have no idea at all how I ballsed up the score so badly.

And in honor of that, we humbly request your acceptance of our apology with the following message.


DONATE TO SUBSIM...SO GUT WRENCH CAN SEE WHAT HE'S WRITING.

Not really, just donate.

On with the show.

This weeks Match of the Day was back at Wembley where after a count back, the Helmand Nighthawks fell to 1-2, and were hosting the Who Dat Nation. After getting last weeks statistics wrong, the Nighthawks came out and just belted the Nation with three players scoring over 20 individual points. With Kirk Cousins passing for 3 touchdowns (22 points) Emanuel Sanders receiving 88 yards and one touchdown (22 points) and Ezekiel Elliot rushing for 138 yards and 1 touchdown (28 points) the Nighthawks set last years champion a sizeable target to chase down. The Who Dat Nation were relying on Drew Brees (QB) to have a 500 yard day (right division, wrong team) but only managed to score 16 points. Melvin Gordon (RD) and Antonio Brown (WR) carried the Nighthawks for a combined 56 points, but the remainder of the team, suffering jet lag and Newcastle Ale hangover, just didn't live up to expectations. The Nighthawks take back their loss from the previous week from the Who Dat Nation, outscoring them 140 - 116.

Back on the homeland, the Guns of Hochuli were hosting the Australian Taipans. Until this week the Taipans have scored more points than anyone else, but alas, have also had more points scored against them than anyone else resulting in a losing record. The Gunners sitting at 3-0 with sole ownership of the league were looking to put themselves two games clear of everyone with a sizeable win against the foreign imports. Gunners started quickly Thursday night with AJ GReen (WR) going for 173 yards and 1 touchdown for 39 points. Taipans never really got off the ground, and with several players injured, left the gate wide open for the Gunners to bookend the week with a statement performance by Ben Rothlisberger (QB) of 300 yards and 5 touchdowns for 48.90 points. Taipans have yet another team score big against them as the Guns of Hochuli easily account for them, 167 - 100. Guns of Hochuli move to next week salivating for their next victim.

The big show however, was from Coach Thad's team. On the road against the Black Cats, the Drunk Monkeys proved that last weeks accounting error was mo misnomer as they set about putting the Black Cats in a coma. Cats QB Cam Newton was injured during the game, depriving the Cats a points scoring machine. In retaliation, Drunk Monkeys WR Julio Jones set the world on fire, and carrying their team to a second consecutive win, even though Eddie Lacey (RB) was a non starter. I think we had this conversation last year, just what could the Drunk Monkeys do if they showed up? Drunk Monkeys obliterate the Black Cats 148 - 109.

So last week the mix up with the Drunk Monkeys created controversy in the scoring department, so we need to look closely at just where our teams stand.

The Guns of Hochuli stand alone at the top of the league at 4-0. They are 2-0 over their divisional opponents and hold a two game lead over everyone else in the league. Now emerging as the favorite for the Torpedo Bowl.

Now in second place it's a mess, so we'll carve it up so that it presents the most interesting approach possible. Three teams sit at 2-2 and remarkable, the Drunk Monkeys (SubSimmers Division) are ahead on for and against (How on earth is THAT possible?) The Black Cats and the Nighthawks sit at 2-2 wrestling for the Surface Skimmers Division lead, with the Cats winning it on a half game divisional advantage.

At the bottom of the table at 1-3 are the Australian Taipans, and last years champion the Who Dat Nation. The Taipans relinquish most points scored this week the Guns of Hochuli, but still retain most points scored against. The Taipans and Nation have split their series 1-1, so the Nation is relegate to 6th. The defending Torpedo Bowl Champions are in last place a quarter of the way through the season. Unbelievable.

With the table reset, we now need to look at where to go for next weeks best match up. Should we go to Australia to see if the Taipans can stop the Monkeys? Do we slip down to Carolina to watch two prior champions battle? Nope, we're heading to the Guns of Hochuli hosting the Helmand Nighthawks. Despite the statistical information, this match looks like being the traditional slug em out powerhouse football we've come to expect of these two stalwarts.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

Hard not to pick the champion this week. For the effort of 12 receptions for 300 yards and 1 touchdown, for a total of 54 points, the Associated Subsim Writers are pleased to present Julio Jones of the Drunk Monkeys the Week Four MVT.



Last edited by Gut Wrench; 10-10-2016 at 08:55 PM.
Gut Wrench is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-06-2016, 10:25 PM   #10
Gargamel
Lucky Sailor
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Rome
Posts: 4,298
Downloads: 81
Uploads: 0
Default

I've served my 4 game (plus Thursday's (tonight's) game I missed) suspension for a coach using PED's. Who woulda thunk it that high doses of caffeine weren't a TUE allowance in the subsim league?!
__________________
Luck is a residue of Design.


Gargamel is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-10-2016, 10:34 PM   #11
Gut Wrench
Lieutenant
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Everywhere
Posts: 253
Downloads: 0
Uploads: 0
Icon1

NIGHTHAWKS SILENCE GUNNERS
Coach Garagamel returns (finally)

Week 5 in the Subsim Fantasy Football League, and there are lots of questions being asked.

Can Coach Gargamel hold on for the next eight weeks? Have the Nighthawks served notice on the Gunners? And who devised the schedule that two teams meet in consecutive weeks?

Yes, all these and the big questions of the week, will be answered, right after we bring you the most important message since the Presidential Debate.


VOTE SUBSIM FANTASY FOOTBALL FOR BEST OF SUBSIM...WE DIDN'T DELETE ANY EMAILS AND WE DIDN'T TALK ABOUT ANY WOMAN.

On to the important stuff.

This weeks Match of the Day brings about the strangest anomaly for these two teams...again. The Guns of Hochuli meet each other in back to back weeks, this week the Gunners stay home and the Nighthawks fly in. Next week the Nighthawks host the Gunners in England. Confusing? Apparently so 'cause the Gunners were silenced this week in such dramatic fashion, that it even keeps the The Who Dat Nation in the hunt. Gunners rode on the shoulder on their Quarterback Ben Roethlisberger who scored an individual 42 points. The Wide Receiving Corps for the Gunners stumbled a little with not very many yards and only one receiving touchdown between them. In any other league the Gunners 132 point score would be respectable for a win, but not in the Subsim League. Gunners running back pair of Ezekiel Elliott and David Johnson rushed for a combined 291 yards and 4 touchdown, to do the damage right up the middle. And as if to say "You people should never have revolted", the Nighthawks stay on and just pip the highest score in the league this year. Nighthawks on the road defeat the Gunners 188 - 132. Next week the two teams meet again in Wembley, England.

Rumors have been abound for the last four weeks about the location of Coach Gargamel. Jail? House arrest? Hospital? Truth of the matter has been disclosed that in true money grabbing fashion, Coach Gargamel has been phoning in his plays after a stalemate on his pay. Coach was asking for more bananas, whereas the club just wanted pay him more money. The Drunk Monkeys have played on however and made the long trek south to take on the Australian Taipans. The Taipans, who it seems has had everybody put up record scores, were on track to be the basement dwellers of the league. Taipans finally put the bite on the slippery slope and stop the bleeding by taking care of business at home. Monkeys swung into town and made a rookie mistake, starting Julio Jones (WR) and Denver (DEF). While Jones didn't hurt the equation, the mathematics behind it was anything but common core. Taipans put up another good score, and this time, don't get the crap beaten out of them. Taipans win 158 - 113.

Now the one game that was off everyone's radar were the Who Dat Nation hosting the Black Cats. Both teams are previous champions but have struggled to regain that form that had seen them take home the crown. Who Dat Nation sits at the bottom of the ladder with just one win - which they were lucky to get. Black Cats were without their starting QB, Cam Newton, as he serves a one week suspension for violation of the Subsim League Jackass Policy for headbutting a rhinoceros last week. Black Cats coach FYC must have known something about this game, he even started without a kicker so supremely confident he was.

"We don't need no stinking kicker," he said. "We'll run them over."

And they did. Black Cats respond to Who Dat Nation Tom Brady (QB) throwing for over 400 yards by scoring points right across the board. Cats shed the bottom of the ladder as they stride past the Nation 150 - 118.

Now, this week has shaken up the standings just a bit, and in one division, it's back up for grabs.

The loss by the Gunners stops the artillery barrage at 4-1, but they still hold both the best record in the league and the division. After that, it become a little messy.

With all three teams in the Surface Skimmers Division winning this week, there's a status quo about the Cats, Nighthawks and Taipans. However, with all three teams in the Sub Simmers Division losing, those three teams are now without one or two games of the league lead. That division is going to be black and blue by the end of the season.

The Drunk Monkeys after going 2-2 as a Ghost team, are now steadily under the helm of Coach Gargamel, and drop immediately to 2-3. Maybe he should have waited another week? The real surprise of the season is the Who Dat Nation at 1-3, three games out of the division lead. The Nation might be in trouble now that Coach Gargamel has returned, and could face the prospect of Championship Elimination if they don't get their scoring mojo back on again. Nation needs a win to get their season back on track.

And that's exactly where we're going next week for the Match of the Week as the Drunk Monkeys welcome home Coach Gargamel with the their first prime time broadcast of the year hosting the Who Dat Nation. The Monkeys after starting miraculously at 2-2 can put two games between them and the Who Dat Nation with a win. The Nation however will have other ideas as they try to stop their four game losing streak and stay in the hunt. This divisional game will have some implications as both teams need to avoid a loss to stay in contact with Guns of Hochuli.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

For the effort of 157 rushing yards, 3 receptions for 28 yards and 1 touchdown, for a total of 39.5 points, the Associated Subsim Writers are pleased to present David Johnson of the Helmand Nighthawks the Week Five MVT.


Gut Wrench is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-17-2016, 10:43 PM   #12
Gut Wrench
Lieutenant
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Everywhere
Posts: 253
Downloads: 0
Uploads: 0
Icon1

MONKEY SEE, MONKEY DO
Monkeys Dominate The Nations

Week 6 in the Subsim Fantasy Football League, and the crowds were on hand to see some thumping fantasy football this weekend. We'll talk about the team starting to pull away from the rest of the league, the team anchoring the bottom of the league, and, alas, the surprising team that is once again purring ahead of their division.

In this election year, there's only one more thing you need to do.

VOTE SUBSIM FANTASY FOOTBALL FOR BEST OF SUBSIM...'CAUSE WE DIDN'T GRAB ANYTHING.

The censors wouldn't let me write what I wanted, but you get the meaning.

Speaking of small black furry things, Black Cats hosting the Australian Taipans for the second time this year, and just like it was earlier, the Black Cats showed the foreigners just exactly how it's done. Lead by the Almost Panther team, the Black Cats this week were dominated by Buffalo McCoy (RD) who just ran through the Taipans, again and again and again. Taipans still can't catch a break (maybe they're the Cubs of the FF?) as the Cats stacked the scoring box with two of the highest scoring individual points of the year. And the Cats needed it too, after Travis Benjamin (WR) and the Panthers (DEF) coughed up furballs with low and negative scores respectively. Black Cats get their second divisional win against the same divisional opponentbeating the Taipans 147 - 129.

Our Match of the Day saw 200,000 fans turn out to Chad Stadium to welcome home their long lost Coach Gargamel from a tour of the North Atlantic. Drunk Monkeys were decked out in their historic jerseys of all brown and bright red rumps as they hosted the failing Who Dat Nation. The Nation opened the season off with a win but have been on a season long downhill slide since. Monkeys showed the Nation how it's done with Julio Jones (WR) once again showing why he's worth the high draft pick by scoring another 32 points to his yearly total. The Who Dat Nation were lead by Tom Brady (QB) who top scored with 37 points and three touchdowns. However, it was their entire WR, RB and TE Corp that didn't score a single touchdown that left their Defense of the Eagles to score their only remaining TD. Drunk Monkey Nation goes bananas as Gargamel and the Monkeys move into a play off position at 3-3.

The blockbuster of the week was the match between the Guns of Hochuli and the Helmand Nighthawks. Gunners currently own the league, just barely, having had some favorable lower scoring wins, but they knew that the Nighthawks would leave nothing on the table this week as they set out to prove the dominate firepower. Gunners delayed their start, opting not to play in Thursday nights choke fest, which hampered the Nighthawks who scored below par. Unfortunately, the Nighthawks made a classic rookie mistake of playing Brandon Marshall (WR) and the Cardinals (DEF) against each other. Desperate they were to mount a come back on Monday Night, there was only so much that David Johnson (RB) could do to chase down the Gunners lead. Nighthawks come up short on Monday night and allow the Guns of Hochuli to steal one away 155 - ???

As we approach the halfway point of the season, we'll look at each of the division racers and try to dissect what's going on.

In the Sub Simmers division, the Guns of Hochuli at 5-1 hold a two game lead and control their destiny. The return of Coach Gargamel has a death knoll about it as the Who Dat Nation were expected to at least contest for the division lead. The return of Coach Gargamnel and his two game winning streak puts the Monkeys at .500 at 3-3. The Who Dat Nation appear to be choking in a vat of bourbon as they close out the division at 1-5, and are already two divisional games behind the Monkeys. The Monkeys are setting themselves up for one of the biggest shocks of the year if they can bundle the Nation out of the Championship Playoffs.

Over in the Surface Skimmers division, it's not so clear. The Black Cats sit atop the division at 4-2, but have scored almost the identical number of points as the other two teams int he division. The separator in the division has been the points scored against. The Helmand Nighthawks sit at 3-3 and one game further back are the Taipans who have had almost a game and a half of points scored against them when compared to the Black Cats. With only two games separating the Cats, Nighthawks and Taipans, this division is a little cloudy to predict, but if the Taipans don't stop the loss rout, it will be a Cats and Nighthawks decider.

And that is exactly where we'll be going to next Weeks Match of the Day, Black Cats will be hosting the Helmand Nighthawks in Carolina as they arm wrestle for control of the division. A win by the Cats puts some purring distance over the other two teams, but a loss brings the Divisional Lead back into contention again. This may end up being a key game which will decide the Divisional Title, and we're only half way through the season.

Just imagine what the next half will bring to the league.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

For the effort of 157 rushing yards, 8 receptions for 222 yards and 2 touchdowns, for a total of 46.2 points, the Associated Subsim Writers are pleased to present O'Dell Beckham Junio of the Guns of Hochuli the Week Six MVT.


Gut Wrench is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-24-2016, 10:44 PM   #13
Gut Wrench
Lieutenant
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Everywhere
Posts: 253
Downloads: 0
Uploads: 0
Icon1

MONDAY NIGHT COMEBACK
Despite a Week of Mistakes

Week 7 in the Subsim Fantasy Football League, and we are exactly halfway to the Subsim Torpedo Bowl, and for some teams, halfway to their elimination. We'll go around the grounds and make sure that all the highlight, and the low lights, are captured - and there were plenty of low lights. So many low lights in fact, week 7 may go down as the deciding week in the entire season.

But before we dip in the vat of lowlife, let's bring the ship around to the most important course correction of the day.

DONATE TO SUBSIM...BEFORE A CANDIDATE PHONES FOR YOUR MONEY.

How many times do we have to say this - year after year we see the same mistake being made. None more so in Week 7 of the Subsim league.

Let's start at the bottom of the ladder and see what happened.

The Who Dat Nation were hosting the Taipans for the second time this season, the last time was the first and only win of the year for the Nation. Neither team wanted any part of the Thursday night game, and that's where the Taipans made their first mistake benching Aaron Rodgers (QB) for Matt Ryan. We're also hearing rumors that Coach Pioneer was caught up in the Australian Daylight Savings fiasco and neglected to change his lineup to include Mike Evans (WR). Fundamental errors paid big dividends for the Nation as they ran through the Taipans at both QB and RB positions. This game wasn't even close, as the Who Dat nation get their second win of the season against the only team they seem destined to beat up on. Nation fans rejoice as they re-spank the Taipans 175 - 143.

After several weeks in the wilderness, Coach Gargamel finally returned to his team and they were looking to host the league leading Guns of Hochuli in a divisional match up which had implications. The Monkeys team line up looked like a Presidential Campaign debate - full of contradictions. What on earth were the Monkeys doing starting Eddie Lacy (RB) out of vacation, and both Deandre Hopkins (WR) and the Broncos (DEF). On the other side of the 50 yard line, the Gunners were not much better starting both Eli Manning (QB) and the Rams (DEF). People, look at your line ups! Gunners dodged a bullet but not putting a lot of points up and the Drunk Monkeys who were poised to steal a huge upset, hand the Gunners a low scoring win on a silver platter. Oh this could have been such a glorious defiant moment in the Monkeys year, but instead, it just solidified the Gunners track to the play offs. Guns of Hochuli win 139 - 121.

Our match of the day was without a doubt, the best pick game for this year. It had everything. Two extra quarters of overtime, a close match up, and a Monday Night rewrite of the Subsim Fantasy Football League. In the Surface Skimmers Divisional Games, none of the three teams have really shown great strength. Black Cats this week were hosting the Helmand Nighthawks in an important game for the division. Again, poor choices were made on both sides of the field. The Black Cats played Coby Fleener (TE) and the Chiefs (DEF) but were not hurt greatly - Fleener barely managed to work in his iron lung and it didn't hurt the Chiefs scoreline. Likewise, Mister Chris started both Russell Wilson (QB) and the Cardinals (DEF). People - pay attention.

I swear you people have no excuse if you vote like this.

Mister Chris and the Nighthawks were extended grace by not only have a low scoring Russell Wilson (9.20 points) but an extra quarter of overtime to rack up some yardage. Come Sunday night the Black Cats had closed out the weekend at 129.90 points, setting a modest 70 point lead to chase down. And chase down they did. The Nighthawks RB duo of Matt Forte and David Johnson gave the team a chance, leaving Emmanuel Sanders (WR) a simple 13 points to win it on Monday Night. Late in the fourth quarter on Monday Night, Emmanuel Sanders catches a modest 7 yards and put the Nighthawks ahead for the first time all weekend. Nighthawks stop the Cats fro running off with the Division with a 130.70 - 129.90 win, the closest game this year.

Week 7 is the halfway point, and although we don't have a clear picture, there are some things were we accurately report upon.

In the Sub Simmers Division, the Guns of Hochuli at 6-1 sit three games clear of the nearest team, and about 1 and a half games sly of clinching a play off berth. Drunk Monkeys sit three games back and are while they could overcome the Gunners for the Divisional Championship, they might want to play for the #3 Championship Seed, the apparent easier path into the Torpedo Bowl. The Who Dat Nation, one more game back at 2-5 need to pick up some wins if they want to the opportunity to defend their title.

Over in the Surface Skimmers Division, it's a mess. The win by the Nighthawks catapults them to the Divisional lead on a tiebreaker with the Black Cats at 4-3. Two games back and at the bottom of the league are the Taipans, who have scored the second most points in the league (to the Gunners) but have had an an average of 158 points a game scored against them. Average. If the Taipans had played any other schedule, they'd be 6-1.

Next week, we go back to Oregon where the Who Dat Nation begins the second half of the season,. As the Defending Champions, they're scheduled to host the most threatening team to their title, the Guns of Hochuli. In a divisional match up which could put the Gunners into a clinch position for the post season, the Nation not only needs a win, but needs some favorable results to help them catch up.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

For the effort of 110 rushing yards, 4 receptions for 54 yards and 2 touchdowns, one each for rushing and receiving, for a total of 35.4 points, the Associated Subsim Writers are pleased to present Matt Forte of the Helmand Nighthawks the Week Seven MVT.


Gut Wrench is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-31-2016, 10:32 PM   #14
Gut Wrench
Lieutenant
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Everywhere
Posts: 253
Downloads: 0
Uploads: 0
Icon1

HALLOWEEN THRILLER IN OREGON
Despite a Week of Mistakes

Week 9 in the Subsim Fantasy Football League, and the ghost and ghouls of Halloween came out to play at all the games this week in the Subsim Fantasy Football League. The evil curse, the haunting score, all the dread of the dead captured in one weekly bullentin for you.

Isn't it just awesome that you can come to one place and get all the important news?

DONATE TO SUBSIM...BEFORE WE RELEASE YOUR EMAILS.

First game of the week was the Helmand Nighthawks hosting the Australian Taipans. In a block buster two game appearance in London this weekend, the curtain raiser resulted in a tie and while the home teams were looking like a win, the visitors came home strong. Nighthawks started outstandingly with Jordan Reed (TE) setting the team up for a big weekend with an individual score of 24 points. The RB's of the Nighthawks, David Johnson and Ezekial Elliott carried the workload for the Nighthawks, but it was the WR trio of Emmanuel Sanders, Doug Baldwin and Brandon Marshall who caught plenty of passes but just couldn't find the end zone. Having left the door open, the Taipans were in desperate need of a win (in addition to 5 other games they should have won). Coach Pioneer put the ball in the hand of Aaron Rodgers (QB) who just carved away at the Nighthawks lead with an individual effort of 4 touchdowns. That wasn't the biggest QB score of the weekend, but it was enough to put the Taipans in front. Taipans get one back and defeat the Nighthawks 135 - 107.

Back on home soil, the Drunk Monkeys were hosting the Black Cats. Did Coach Gargamel forget that he wasn't playing this week? Garagamel started the game with no listed running backs, giving Levon Bell and Eddie Lacy the week off. Apparently he was relying on the effort of the Broncos (DEF) to come through and while they scored 22, points, it was never going to be enough. Black Cats also suffered by starting Randall Cobb (currently running for President) Coach FYC owes his QB a hefty bonus for getting the Cats one of the easiest wins this year. Black Cats scratch out another win 133 - 99 against the Drunk Monkeys.

Isn't there a song that says "Are you ready for some Monday night football?"

Well the Guns of Hochuli were ready and the Who Dat Nation, well, they were almost ready. The Nation QB Drew Brees arrived and although he outperformed the Gunners QB (Matthew Stafford) the Gunners did the damage with their defense. Gunners started Sahawks (DEF) who put up a modest 10 points, but the Nation has the Minnesota Vikings (DEF) sitting in their back pocket for Monday night. All they had to do was keep Guns of Hoculi Alshon Jeffery (WR) out of the end zone. For seven weeks Jeffrey (WR) hasn't even looked like he was going to produce...until tonight. Late in the third quarter Monday night Jeffrey (WR) crossed for a TB not only scoring 7 points, but taking 7 points off the board for the Who Dat Nation. With just a 1.7 point lead, the Nation crawled back with a sack (DEF) but the Guns of Hoculi were not to be denied. One more pass to Jeffrey (WR) and a few yards put the game out of reach even for the Who Dat Nation Vikings (DEF). Gunners thief one late on Halloween Night 139.2 - 136.

This week really cleared up some of the mess in the Subsim Torpedo League. Let's start with the Sub Simmers Division. The Guns of Hochuli sit at 7-1 and 4-0 within their division. The Drunk Monkeys are four games back at 3-5, but, they are only 1-2 within the division. The Guns of Hochuli look to be the first team into the play offs as they sit one win short against a divisional opponent from securing a play off berth. Former Torpedo League Champions, the Who Dat Nation, at 2-6 are only 0-3 with the division, and are facing the possibility of mathematically being eliminated from the Divisional Title, and having to fight their way into the Championship the hard way.

Over in the Surface Skimmers Division, it's a little harder to dissect. (Doesn't it seem that this is always the harder division to win?) Black Cats sit atop the division at 5-3 after being handed an easy win, but are 2-1 within the division, a key point. The Helmand Nighthawks at 4-4 are not only 50% within the league, but also 2-2 within the division. Their loss this week to the Taipans keeps the Divisional Title alive as the Taipans get their first divisional win. The Nighthawks hand the Divisional lead back to the Black Cats, but at 3-5 and a half game back of the Nighthawks, the Taipans can leap up to 4th in the league.

Next week, get a second appearance by the Guns of Hoculi as they host the Helmand Nighthawks. Las Vegas still has these two teams as the Championship game but if the Nightahwks want to have any credibility, they have to defeat the Gunners at home. Having dropped a game this week, the Nighthawks come in as the #3 seed looking to get back in the hunt, before one of the fringe teams eliminates Mister Chris' men.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

For the effort of 513 yards, (that's half a mile!) and 4 touchdowns, for a total of 48.82 points, the Associated Subsim Writers are pleased to present Derek Carr of the Black Cats the Week Eight MVT.


Gut Wrench is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-07-2016, 11:54 PM   #15
Gut Wrench
Lieutenant
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Everywhere
Posts: 253
Downloads: 0
Uploads: 0
Icon1

GUNNERS CLINCH PLAY OFF BERTH
Can anyone stop them?

Week 9 in the Subsim Fantasy Football League, and it's the business end of the season. Positions are harder to get back, wins are harder, play off spots are less and less, unless you're the Guns of Hoculi and secure the first play off position of the year.

There is a lot to get through tonight, and none more important than a last reminder that for the past eight years, we've been building towards the historic day tomorrow.

VOTE FANTASY FOOTBALL LEAGUE FOR BEST OF SUBSIM, AND WE'LL GIVE YOU A NEW PRESIDENT.

The problem with the Australian Taipans being based out of the USA is that their Coach is operating in a different timezone. Choosing a QB becomes a dilemma when you don't submit your starting team to the Program Producers. Taipans struggled to get the right QB in eventually settling for Aaron Rodgers. Not that they needed it anyway. The Drunk Monkeys apparently couldn't afford to fly the entire team out so they just sent a couple of starters. Taipans decimate the Monkeys 167 - 93.

Who cares? Hold the phone folks, there's something circling here, it may not be safe to go in the waters yet.

Our Match of the Day this week was the Guns of Hochuli hosting the Helmand Highthawks. Hosting? They fried those birds. Nighthawks flew into an unseasonably hot day and got their feathers BBQ-ed. Nighthawks were let down by their receiving corps of Emmanuel Sanders (WR) Dez Bryant (WR) and Gary Bamidge (TE) who caught very few passes and absolutely no TD's. The Nighthawks were lucky that on Monday night Russell Wilson (QB) and Doug Daldwin (WR) put some respectability back into the score or they might have suffered a record 100 point defeat. Nighthawks are going to have do better (and at least show up) if they want to have a shot at the Gunners. Guns of Hochuli take this one easily 167-109.

Gunners victory leaves blood in the water.

Down in Carolina, nothing could be finer than a Who Dat Nation victory in the morning. A battle of the two most recent Torpedo Bowl Champions, the Nighthawks were facing a "do or die" situation. Sitting at the bottom of the ladder, they were approaching elimination from the Championship series if results went one way. But, they didn't, and in fact, the results couldn't be any more prosperous for the Nation than if they had fixed the results themselves. (We'll leave that for tomorrow. ) Black Cats brought their game but it was the aerial assault of Drew Brees (QB) passing again for over 300 yards which hurt the Cats. Nation fans bellowed as Melvin Gordon carved through the Panthers (DEF) of the Cats, but it was Monday night that really put this game away as Jimmy Graham (TE) finally made a welcome return to the highlight reel. Who Dat Nation finally shows up and topple the Black Cats 176 - 129.

Now, onto the really interesting stuff. Get out your mathematical equations, this is going to be good.

Guns of Hochuli are the first team to clinch a play off berth. Gunners record of 8-1 includes a 4-0 divisional record. The Guns of Hochuli need one more win to clinch the divisional title. The loss by the Drunk Monkeys drop them to five games in arrears, and into a tie with the Who Dat Nation at 3-6. However, even though the Monkeys have scored less points that the Nation, the Drunk Monkeys and their three game losing streak still have them at 1-2 within the division, a game ahead of the Nation. Both the Drunk Monkeys and the Who Dat Nation can still win the division, but the Guns of Hochuli need to loose every game, and both the Monkeys and the Nation need help.

They can only get the help from an unlikely ally in the Surface Skimmers Division.

Black Cats loss drops them to 5-4 but they still lead the division by one game. The real feud though is going on behind them as the loss by the Helmand Nighthawks and the win by Australian Taipans level them out at 4-5 each, just one game behind the Cats. After having grabbed the divisional lead a few weeks back, the Cats are facing the prospect that their next loss, could drop them from Divisional Champions, to completely out of the play off picture. There's no doubt that in the next few weeks this division is going to take wins away from each other, so each of these three teams needs to make the most when they play inter divisional opponents.

And that's exactly where we'll be going next week when the Australian Taipans ask the Guns of Hochuli to make the long trek to the Great Southern land. The two top scoring teams in the league face off with some large stakes on the line. A win by the Gunners clinches the Surface Skimmers Division. A win by the Taipans keeps the Surface Skimmers Divisional Title barely alive, but more importantly, draws them level with the Black Cats.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

For the effort of 8 receptions for 103 yards and 2 touchdowns, for a total of 36.3 points, the Associated Subsim Writers are pleased to present Jimmy Graham of the Who Dat Nation the Week Nine MVT.


Gut Wrench is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
fantasyfootball , gutwrench , subsim

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 04:12 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.11
Copyright ©2000 - 2021, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright © 1995- 2021 Subsim®
"Subsim" is a registered trademark, all rights reserved.