The joke thread II - Page 277

Jimbuna · 03-14-23, 05:03 AM

What do you call a Welshman with loads of girlfriends?
A Sheppard.

Platapus · 03-14-23, 04:25 PM

Yo mama's so ugly, her birth certificate is an apology letter.

Jimbuna · 03-15-23, 06:27 AM

Can’t believe how nice some people are. Got a compliment today about my driving. Someone left a message on my wind-shield that said ‘parking fine’.

Jimbuna · 03-15-23, 06:31 AM

Got some cheap aftershave from China the other day, no wonder they all have eyes like that.

Platapus · 03-15-23, 03:53 PM

Yo mama's cooking so nasty, the house flies got together to fix the hole in the window screen.

Jimbuna · 03-16-23, 05:33 AM

After years of working hard and many late nights I’ve finally become a PhD… or Pizza Hut Deliveryman as some people like to call it.

Jimbuna · 03-16-23, 05:34 AM

My wife broke up with me recently because I’m a compulsive gambler. All I can think about is how to win her back.

magic452 · 03-16-23, 11:44 PM

Joe passed away. His will provided $30,000 for an elaborate funeral.

As the last guests departed the affair, his wife, Helen, turned to her oldest friend.
"Well, I'm sure Joe would be pleased," she said.
"I'm sure you're right," replied Jody, who lowered her voice and leaned in close.
"How much did this really cost?"
"All of it," said Helen. "Thirty thousand."
"No!" Jody exclaimed. "I mean, it was very nice, but $30,000?"
Helen answered. "The funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to the church.
The wake, food, and drinks were another $500. The rest went for the memorial stone."

Jody computed quickly. "$22,500 for a memorial stone?? My God, how big is it?!"
"Two and a half carats."

Magic

Jimbuna · 03-17-23, 06:03 AM

Can’t believe how long my wife and kids spend on eBay. It’s been weeks and still nobody has made a bid for them.

Jimbuna · 03-17-23, 06:03 AM

Went to the dentist today and he told me I had to stop touching myself. I said “What’s that got to do with my teeth?”. He said “Nothing but I just find it really distracting”.

Von Due · 03-17-23, 04:05 PM

Why don't Catholic priests marry? They're worried some wedding guest will wear the same dress as he wears.

Platapus · 03-18-23, 05:42 AM

Next week is Diarrhea awareness week.

Runs until Friday

Jimbuna · 03-18-23, 05:57 AM

Wife: What do you like best my face or my sexy body?
Husband: Your sense of humour.

Jimbuna · 03-18-23, 05:59 AM

Four secrets of a happy marriage.

1. Find a woman who can cook and clean.
2. Find a woman who is an animal in bed.
3. Find a woman with lots of money.
4. Make sure none of these 3 women ever meet each-other.

Jimbuna · 03-19-23, 02:51 PM

Secretary: “Doctor the invisible man is here, he says he had an appointment.”
Doctor: “Tell him i cant see him.”

03-14-23, 05:03 AM	#4141
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,102 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	What do you call a Welshman with loads of girlfriends? A Sheppard. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-14-23, 04:25 PM	#4142
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,936 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	Yo mama's so ugly, her birth certificate is an apology letter. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

03-15-23, 06:27 AM	#4143
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,102 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Can’t believe how nice some people are. Got a compliment today about my driving. Someone left a message on my wind-shield that said ‘parking fine’. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-15-23, 06:31 AM	#4144
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,102 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Got some cheap aftershave from China the other day, no wonder they all have eyes like that. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-15-23, 03:53 PM	#4145
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,936 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	Yo mama's cooking so nasty, the house flies got together to fix the hole in the window screen. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

03-16-23, 05:33 AM	#4146
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,102 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	After years of working hard and many late nights I’ve finally become a PhD… or Pizza Hut Deliveryman as some people like to call it. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-16-23, 05:34 AM	#4147
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,102 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	My wife broke up with me recently because I’m a compulsive gambler. All I can think about is how to win her back. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-16-23, 11:44 PM	#4148
magic452 Sea Lord Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Reno Nevada USA Posts: 1,860 Downloads: 85 Uploads: 0	Joe passed away. His will provided $30,000 for an elaborate funeral. As the last guests departed the affair, his wife, Helen, turned to her oldest friend. "Well, I'm sure Joe would be pleased," she said. "I'm sure you're right," replied Jody, who lowered her voice and leaned in close. "How much did this really cost?" "All of it," said Helen. "Thirty thousand." "No!" Jody exclaimed. "I mean, it was very nice, but $30,000?" Helen answered. "The funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to the church. The wake, food, and drinks were another $500. The rest went for the memorial stone." Jody computed quickly. "$22,500 for a memorial stone?? My God, how big is it?!" "Two and a half carats." Magic __________________ Reported lost 11 Feb. 1942 Signature by depthtok33l

03-17-23, 06:03 AM	#4149
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,102 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Can’t believe how long my wife and kids spend on eBay. It’s been weeks and still nobody has made a bid for them. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-17-23, 06:03 AM	#4150
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,102 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Went to the dentist today and he told me I had to stop touching myself. I said “What’s that got to do with my teeth?”. He said “Nothing but I just find it really distracting”. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-17-23, 04:05 PM	#4151
Von Due Sea Lord Join Date: Jul 2012 Posts: 1,660 Downloads: 30 Uploads: 0	Why don't Catholic priests marry? They're worried some wedding guest will wear the same dress as he wears.

03-18-23, 05:42 AM	#4152
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,936 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	Next week is Diarrhea awareness week. Runs until Friday __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

03-18-23, 05:57 AM	#4153
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,102 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Wife: What do you like best my face or my sexy body? Husband: Your sense of humour. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-18-23, 05:59 AM	#4154
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,102 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Four secrets of a happy marriage. 1. Find a woman who can cook and clean. 2. Find a woman who is an animal in bed. 3. Find a woman with lots of money. 4. Make sure none of these 3 women ever meet each-other. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-19-23, 02:51 PM	#4155
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,102 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Secretary: “Doctor the invisible man is here, he says he had an appointment.” Doctor: “Tell him i cant see him.” __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)