The joke thread II

[Jimbuna]

Have you heard about the new boy band that is taking Saudi Arabia by storm?? They’re called the Burka Street Boys.

[magic452]

An elderly man was quite unhappy because he had lost his favorite hat. Rather than purchasing a new one, he decided he would go to church and steal one out of the vestibule. When he got there, an usher intercepted him at the door and took him to a pew where he had to sit and listen to an entire sermon on the Ten Commandments.

After church, the man met the preacher in the vestibule doorway, shook his hand vigorously and said, "I want to thank you for saving my soul today, preacher. I came to church to steal a hat, but after hearing your sermon on the Ten Commandments, I decided against it."

"You mean the Commandment, Thou shall not steal, changed your mind?" the preacher asked.

"No, the one about adultery did," the old man said. "As soon as you said that, I remembered where I left my old hat.


Magic

[Jimbuna]

Never judge a book by it’s cover. I ordered a book online last week from Holland called ‘Creamy Jugs’ only to find it’s a book about 18th century cattle farming equipment.

[Jimbuna]

Just heard on the radio that the dinosaurs died 65 million years ago on this exact day.

Rip Dinosaurs
26th April 64,997,984 BC

[magic452]

A Sunday School teacher asked her class to draw a picture of their favorite Bible story. When she saw little Johnny's picture of an airplane with four people in it, she got upset and asked him what story did he choose.

"The flight from Egypt." he answers, so she asks who the four people in the plane are.

He replies, "Joseph, Mary and baby Jesus." The teacher pauses then asks, "Well who is the fourth person?" "That's Pontius the pilot." Johnny answers.


Magic

[Jimbuna]

### For Sale ###

French WW2 Rifle
Never been fired
Dropped once.

[Jimbuna]

Got attacked by a group of mime artists last night. They did unspeakable acts to me.

[Jimbuna]

When I found out my girlfriend was having a baby my life really changed. I changed my name, address and phone number.

[Jimbuna]

Why is it that good people are always the ones who get screwed over? The other day I gave my seat to an old lady on the bus and then I got fired from my job as a bus driver.

[Platapus]

A begger asked me for some money the other day. All I had was a $20.00 bill


I asked myself if I really wanted that twenty to go to buy booze/drugs.


I decided no... so I gave the beggar the twenty.

[Jimbuna]

The man who invented auto-correct spell checking died today.
Restaurant in peace.

[Jimbuna]

Can’t believe how desperate my maths teacher is, he keeps asking me to find his x. I think it’s time he faced the truth, she’s not coming back.

[Jimbuna]

I walked into the gym and see a bunch of ladies working out, I ask the guy who is running the gym,
“Sir, what machine should I use to impress the ladies?” He smiles says “Try the ATM in the lobby”.

[Jimbuna]

Definition of Wisdom: The thing that happens when you run out of stupid ideas.

[magic452]

A guy comes home from work and his wife is at the front door very angry. She is holding a slip of paper and yells at him, "I was doing the laundry and I found this in your pocket with the name Betty Sue on it. Who is this woman?"

He tells her to calm down and explains, "When I went to the track last week, one of the guys at work asked me to place a bet for him and the horse was named Betty Sue." The wife, somewhat embarrassed, apologizes to him.



A week later he comes home and his wife has all his clothes and other belongings piled in the driveway and when he asks what's wrong she replies, "Your horse called."


Magic