A terrible situation of mine, and some sound advice

GoldenRivet · 12-05-19, 02:04 PM

Gentlemen and Ladies,

I make this post here at subsim in the hopes that it will help someone down the line and I feel like, with the passage of a few weeks, I can accurately write about the situation here. This post is for those of you young guys particularly - i do not post this for any sympathy or message of grief, while those are appreciated, they are at this point unwarranted as long as this helps someone.

On November 14th, 2019, I was laying in bed sound asleep at 7:30am. I had a light work day that day and thus a rare opportunity to sleep in past 8am. My phone rang, it was my wife in a near state of hysteria.

Her son, my stepson, Tyler, at the age of 23, was killed in a single vehicle accident while on his way to work at 5:31 am that very morning. Despite being religious about wearing his seatbelt, for whatever reason, at the time of the accident, the seatbelt was not in use.

Per witnesses to the accident, and the final report submitted by the state police, the vehicle was travelling eastbound in the left-hand lane of a two-lane highway. At approximately 70 miles per hour (113 km/h) consistent with the posted highway speed, the left side tires momentarily dipped off the roadway into a grassy median. This resulted in an oversteer correction to the right, causing a loss of directional control. As the vehicle skidded sideways along its eastbound direction of travel, it reversed directional orientation as it entered the grassy shoulder on the right side of the highway. This grassy shoulder was primarily made up of a gradually sloping drainage ditch, approximately four feet in depth at its peak depth.

At this time, the vehicle, still moving in a sideways direction, struck a signpost. This impact was enough to straighten the vehicle, returning it to a front-end forward position of travel. At this time, the vehicle came to impact a concrete drainage wall of approximately 4 foot in height, constructed to allow water to pass below an overlying driveway entrance path.

The vehicle damage, overall, was relatively minor.

Tyler was pronounced dead at the scene of the accident.

Our hypothesis is simple and supported by the evidence at the scene.

On the morning of the accident, Tyler stopped and fueled his vehicle. He then proceeded to McDonald’s and purchased a breakfast sandwich and a bottled orange juice at approximately 5:25am. He then proceeded eastbound on the highway – which, is largely rural, and would have had extremely sparse traffic that time of morning.

After travelling for about 5 minutes, he opened the sack from McDonalds to retrieve his sandwich and drink. It is our assumption, that the drink fell in the passenger side floorboard of the vehicle and he attempted to reach for it. Being unable to reach for the drink with his seatbelt fastened, he unfastened his seatbelt and leaned to the passenger side to grab the drink. At this time, the loss of control initiated.

We found the unopened orange juice bottle in the passenger side floorboard; the breakfast sandwich was found in the seat. There is no evidence to suggest he was sending or receiving text messages. Additionally, any of his friends or family he could have been texting, do not work such an early shift, and would have likely still been asleep. As near as we can tell, his most recent phone activity at the time was almost an hour prior to the accident.

Based upon the coroner’s report, which I will not detail here for obvious reasons, It has been widely concluded, that if he had been wearing his seatbelt, his only injuries would have been superficial scrapes and bruises.

Tyler was a healthy, active, fit 23-year-old man. He had purchased his first home not 3 weeks prior to the accident and was excited about completing his move in. At least two rooms of the home still had not had all their boxes, decorations and furnishings unpacked and arranged. His first mortgage payment, which is typically deferred for the first month of occupancy, was not yet due.

Just a few months ago, he had purchased a mostly restored 1968 Ford Mustang which he had hoped to finish upon the previous owner’s work, and planned to enter the car into local charity car show events. As he was renting an apartment at the time of purchasing the 68 mustang, he had been using my home address to ship parts which he had ordered for the car. They arrive on my doorstep still today.

Tyler was working as a county corrections officer at the local jail. There he worked with inmates in crafts, most frequently helping them pass the time by making small wooden crosses. He was nearing the completion of his obligations needed to become a licensed police officer.

In company with his work companions, he had recently taken up the hunting sports and hoped to claim his first deer at the next rifle season and was amassing a respectable collection of hunting and sporting rifles.

Tyler had a heart of gold, an amazing sense of humor, was a photobomber of ninja-like stealth, was an extraordinarily family oriented young person and loved American Football with a passion.

Being that he was a single male, with no children, and had no legal will of any kind – his home, his car, all of his belongings, his bank accounts etc will largely have to go to probate court where it will be decided how this property is to be divided between his mom, his biological father and possibly his siblings.

I realize, that due to the nature of this group, there are probably a lot of 20 something males who like to polish on their cars, who have hopes and dreams about careers, who have plans to do things with their life just as Tyler did. So it is for you guys that I write this.

First and foremost. Wear your seatbelt, everywhere. Don’t take it off, even stopped at a stop light or stop sign. Don’t remove it for any reason other than reaching your destination and having to remove it to get out of the car.

Some young men choose not to wear it – I don’t know why – perhaps they think it isn’t cool, or it makes them look sissy. I don’t know, but if that is your attitude – if you had seen the way Tyler's mother, sister and grandmother collapsed upon the ground in a crying heap on receiving the news of him being killed in an otherwise survivable accident – and put your own mothers, grandmothers and sisters in their shoes... your attitude about seatbelts would change. I guarantee that. For those of you who wear your seatbelts without fail - i thank you in advance. You have saved your family a great deal of heartache with a simple click.

Second, the minute you turn of legal age in your country or state of residence – Get a will and update it whenever you have a life change. I have a will, i didnt get one until i was about 36 years old, I thought it would be a pain in the rear end, but it took minutes – even going through an attorney as I did, it was a breeze, and it was cheap. I don’t care if all you own is a collection of submarine simulations and a fast PC. Get a will. You can always have it modified when you buy a house. A boat. A classic car. a private island. Get married. Have children. whatever. And it will save those who survive you thousands of dollars in probate court costs and attorneys fees if you just spent ten minutes to make your final wishes known. Its NOT about who gets what in your stack of toys... its totally about making the life of those who survive you easier.

Finally, get life insurance, whether whole life, or term life, it is cheap to the point of being kindergarten math when you are 23 years old. The longer you wait and age, the more expensive it becomes. You dont have to have a million dollar policy. You can just get $10,000. If you pass away without life insurance, those who survive you will bear the cost of your final expenses. Even a relatively cheap funeral is still $3,000 - $5,000. I am incredibly thankful that Tyler had the foresight, even if it was a momentary impulse, to opt into his employer's life insurance plan when he was hired.In the end it probably cost him only a few dollars per pay check, but it more than abundantly covered the cost of his funeral expenses saving his mother and I a potentially serious financial burden.

heed this advice. And thank you for reading.

u crank · 12-05-19, 02:51 PM

Oh my such a tragedy. My condolences to your wife , you and your family.

And your thoughts about seatbelts, life insurance and a will is excellent advice.

Skybird · 12-05-19, 05:15 PM

My condolence, GoldenRivet. I wish you and your wife and family strength, and patience to let time ease the pain. It does, but it needs time. We all just pass through this strange thing called a life, and we all dream and seem to be just dreams in other dreamers' dreams. I find this image soothing. Maybe you too.

Falkirion · 12-05-19, 05:52 PM

I can't imagine the pain your family is going through Golden Rivet. All my well wishes for you. This is a timely reminder especially with the festive season coming up.

August · 12-05-19, 05:55 PM

My sincere condolences for your loss GR. Your family will be in our prayers.

mapuc · 12-05-19, 06:01 PM

My deepest condolences to you and your family.

Seatbelt

I have since early childhood been taught to always have seatbelt on while driving, driving with someone or travelling public(if there is seatbelt in the bus)

This is the first I do, after I have taken place in the bus, I take on the seatbelt.

I have noticed that about 95-99 % of the other passengers do not have their seatbelt on, despite several informations note here and there in our busses.

Seatbelt must be used.

Markus

Onkel Neal · 12-05-19, 06:05 PM

Good Lord, John, man I'm sorry to hear this. I hope your wife is ok, as best can be expected. Kindest thoughts to her and you.

Sailor Steve · 12-05-19, 08:43 PM

I wish i could do something to help with all of your pain, especially his mother. I can't give you anything but my sympathies, but you have those freely.

Catfish · 12-06-19, 06:40 AM

So sorry to hear that. I wish you and your family all the best to overcome the terrible loss.

I've done such things myself, like bowing down in the car to pick up things at a younger age. Not anymore. I see lots of people texting while driving nowadays. You cannot give advice often enough to stop that and concentrate on driving.

Jimbuna · 12-06-19, 07:20 AM

My sincerest condolences to Jame, you and your families John.

GoldenRivet · 12-06-19, 08:55 AM

Thank you, everyone.

Just remember, your final hour approaches you at a speed you cannot know.

prepare for it - but use preventative measures whenever possible

iambecomelife · 12-09-19, 02:13 PM

I second the advice about seatbelts....about 5 years ago I lost an acquaintance whose injuries would have been minor, or none, if he had been wearing a seatbelt....sincere condolences to you.

JU_88 · 12-09-19, 03:47 PM

Jesus, Im really sorry for you loss GR, very sad and devestating story indeed

Best wishes to you and family.

fireftr18 · 12-09-19, 10:41 PM

I hate to hear the news rivet. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers.
I've seen too much of that over the years. I'll back up what you wrote about seat belts. I've seen what can be construed as miracles just because someone had the fore thought to wear a seat belt.

Red October1984 · 12-10-19, 01:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GoldenRivet

First and foremost. Wear your seatbelt, everywhere. Don’t take it off, even stopped at a stop light or stop sign. Don’t remove it for any reason other than reaching your destination and having to remove it to get out of the car.

I work for a State of Missouri program that goes around and educates youth on the dangers of not wearing seat belts, impaired driving, etc.

This is the biggest killer of my fellow Missourians. Injuries sustained from not wearing a seat belt.

I have personally had my life saved *twice* now from wearing a seat belt. I hope nobody ever has to experience the things I, and many others, have experienced.

I won't back my car across the yard without putting a seat belt on.

It just takes once.

I am very sorry to hear of your loss, GoldenRivet. My condolences to you and your family.

12-05-19, 02:04 PM	#1
GoldenRivet Subsim Aviator Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Texas Posts: 8,712 Downloads: 146 Uploads: 0	A terrible situation of mine, and some sound advice Gentlemen and Ladies, I make this post here at subsim in the hopes that it will help someone down the line and I feel like, with the passage of a few weeks, I can accurately write about the situation here. This post is for those of you young guys particularly - i do not post this for any sympathy or message of grief, while those are appreciated, they are at this point unwarranted as long as this helps someone. On November 14th, 2019, I was laying in bed sound asleep at 7:30am. I had a light work day that day and thus a rare opportunity to sleep in past 8am. My phone rang, it was my wife in a near state of hysteria. Her son, my stepson, Tyler, at the age of 23, was killed in a single vehicle accident while on his way to work at 5:31 am that very morning. Despite being religious about wearing his seatbelt, for whatever reason, at the time of the accident, the seatbelt was not in use. Per witnesses to the accident, and the final report submitted by the state police, the vehicle was travelling eastbound in the left-hand lane of a two-lane highway. At approximately 70 miles per hour (113 km/h) consistent with the posted highway speed, the left side tires momentarily dipped off the roadway into a grassy median. This resulted in an oversteer correction to the right, causing a loss of directional control. As the vehicle skidded sideways along its eastbound direction of travel, it reversed directional orientation as it entered the grassy shoulder on the right side of the highway. This grassy shoulder was primarily made up of a gradually sloping drainage ditch, approximately four feet in depth at its peak depth. At this time, the vehicle, still moving in a sideways direction, struck a signpost. This impact was enough to straighten the vehicle, returning it to a front-end forward position of travel. At this time, the vehicle came to impact a concrete drainage wall of approximately 4 foot in height, constructed to allow water to pass below an overlying driveway entrance path. The vehicle damage, overall, was relatively minor. Tyler was pronounced dead at the scene of the accident. Our hypothesis is simple and supported by the evidence at the scene. On the morning of the accident, Tyler stopped and fueled his vehicle. He then proceeded to McDonald’s and purchased a breakfast sandwich and a bottled orange juice at approximately 5:25am. He then proceeded eastbound on the highway – which, is largely rural, and would have had extremely sparse traffic that time of morning. After travelling for about 5 minutes, he opened the sack from McDonalds to retrieve his sandwich and drink. It is our assumption, that the drink fell in the passenger side floorboard of the vehicle and he attempted to reach for it. Being unable to reach for the drink with his seatbelt fastened, he unfastened his seatbelt and leaned to the passenger side to grab the drink. At this time, the loss of control initiated. We found the unopened orange juice bottle in the passenger side floorboard; the breakfast sandwich was found in the seat. There is no evidence to suggest he was sending or receiving text messages. Additionally, any of his friends or family he could have been texting, do not work such an early shift, and would have likely still been asleep. As near as we can tell, his most recent phone activity at the time was almost an hour prior to the accident. Based upon the coroner’s report, which I will not detail here for obvious reasons, It has been widely concluded, that if he had been wearing his seatbelt, his only injuries would have been superficial scrapes and bruises. Tyler was a healthy, active, fit 23-year-old man. He had purchased his first home not 3 weeks prior to the accident and was excited about completing his move in. At least two rooms of the home still had not had all their boxes, decorations and furnishings unpacked and arranged. His first mortgage payment, which is typically deferred for the first month of occupancy, was not yet due. Just a few months ago, he had purchased a mostly restored 1968 Ford Mustang which he had hoped to finish upon the previous owner’s work, and planned to enter the car into local charity car show events. As he was renting an apartment at the time of purchasing the 68 mustang, he had been using my home address to ship parts which he had ordered for the car. They arrive on my doorstep still today. Tyler was working as a county corrections officer at the local jail. There he worked with inmates in crafts, most frequently helping them pass the time by making small wooden crosses. He was nearing the completion of his obligations needed to become a licensed police officer. In company with his work companions, he had recently taken up the hunting sports and hoped to claim his first deer at the next rifle season and was amassing a respectable collection of hunting and sporting rifles. Tyler had a heart of gold, an amazing sense of humor, was a photobomber of ninja-like stealth, was an extraordinarily family oriented young person and loved American Football with a passion. Being that he was a single male, with no children, and had no legal will of any kind – his home, his car, all of his belongings, his bank accounts etc will largely have to go to probate court where it will be decided how this property is to be divided between his mom, his biological father and possibly his siblings. I realize, that due to the nature of this group, there are probably a lot of 20 something males who like to polish on their cars, who have hopes and dreams about careers, who have plans to do things with their life just as Tyler did. So it is for you guys that I write this. First and foremost. Wear your seatbelt, everywhere. Don’t take it off, even stopped at a stop light or stop sign. Don’t remove it for any reason other than reaching your destination and having to remove it to get out of the car. Some young men choose not to wear it – I don’t know why – perhaps they think it isn’t cool, or it makes them look sissy. I don’t know, but if that is your attitude – if you had seen the way Tyler's mother, sister and grandmother collapsed upon the ground in a crying heap on receiving the news of him being killed in an otherwise survivable accident – and put your own mothers, grandmothers and sisters in their shoes... your attitude about seatbelts would change. I guarantee that. For those of you who wear your seatbelts without fail - i thank you in advance. You have saved your family a great deal of heartache with a simple click. Second, the minute you turn of legal age in your country or state of residence – Get a will and update it whenever you have a life change. I have a will, i didnt get one until i was about 36 years old, I thought it would be a pain in the rear end, but it took minutes – even going through an attorney as I did, it was a breeze, and it was cheap. I don’t care if all you own is a collection of submarine simulations and a fast PC. Get a will. You can always have it modified when you buy a house. A boat. A classic car. a private island. Get married. Have children. whatever. And it will save those who survive you thousands of dollars in probate court costs and attorneys fees if you just spent ten minutes to make your final wishes known. Its NOT about who gets what in your stack of toys... its totally about making the life of those who survive you easier. Finally, get life insurance, whether whole life, or term life, it is cheap to the point of being kindergarten math when you are 23 years old. The longer you wait and age, the more expensive it becomes. You dont have to have a million dollar policy. You can just get $10,000. If you pass away without life insurance, those who survive you will bear the cost of your final expenses. Even a relatively cheap funeral is still $3,000 - $5,000. I am incredibly thankful that Tyler had the foresight, even if it was a momentary impulse, to opt into his employer's life insurance plan when he was hired.In the end it probably cost him only a few dollars per pay check, but it more than abundantly covered the cost of his funeral expenses saving his mother and I a potentially serious financial burden. heed this advice. And thank you for reading. __________________

12-05-19, 02:51 PM	#2
u crank Old enough to know better Join Date: Dec 2011 Location: Prince Edward Island Posts: 11,557 Downloads: 136 Uploads: 0	Oh my such a tragedy. My condolences to your wife , you and your family. And your thoughts about seatbelts, life insurance and a will is excellent advice. __________________ “Two possibilities exist: either we are alone in the Universe or we are not. Both are equally terrifying.” ― Arthur C. Clarke

12-05-19, 05:15 PM	#3
Skybird Soaring Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: the mental asylum named Germany Posts: 40,473 Downloads: 9 Uploads: 0	My condolence, GoldenRivet. I wish you and your wife and family strength, and patience to let time ease the pain. It does, but it needs time. We all just pass through this strange thing called a life, and we all dream and seem to be just dreams in other dreamers' dreams. I find this image soothing. Maybe you too. __________________ If you feel nuts, consult an expert.

12-05-19, 05:55 PM	#5
August Wayfaring Stranger Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Massachusetts Posts: 22,667 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	My sincere condolences for your loss GR. Your family will be in our prayers. __________________ Flanked by life and the funeral pyre. Putting on a show for you to see.

12-05-19, 08:43 PM	#8
Sailor Steve Eternal Patrol Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: High in the mountains of Utah Posts: 50,369 Downloads: 745 Uploads: 249	I wish i could do something to help with all of your pain, especially his mother. I can't give you anything but my sympathies, but you have those freely. __________________ “Never do anything you can't take back.” —Rocky Russo

12-05-19, 05:52 PM	#4
Falkirion Ace of the Deep Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Melbourne, AUS Posts: 1,043 Downloads: 34 Uploads: 0	I can't imagine the pain your family is going through Golden Rivet. All my well wishes for you. This is a timely reminder especially with the festive season coming up.

12-05-19, 06:01 PM	#6
mapuc Fleet Admiral Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Denmark Posts: 17,856 Downloads: 37 Uploads: 0	My deepest condolences to you and your family. Seatbelt I have since early childhood been taught to always have seatbelt on while driving, driving with someone or travelling public(if there is seatbelt in the bus) This is the first I do, after I have taken place in the bus, I take on the seatbelt. I have noticed that about 95-99 % of the other passengers do not have their seatbelt on, despite several informations note here and there in our busses. Seatbelt must be used. Markus

12-05-19, 06:05 PM	#7
Onkel Neal Born to Run Silent Join Date: Jan 1997 Location: Cougar Trap, Texas Posts: 21,283 Downloads: 534 Uploads: 224	Good Lord, John, man I'm sorry to hear this. I hope your wife is ok, as best can be expected. Kindest thoughts to her and you.

12-06-19, 06:40 AM	#9
Catfish Dipped Squirrel Operative Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: ..where the ocean meets the sky Posts: 16,893 Downloads: 38 Uploads: 0	So sorry to hear that. I wish you and your family all the best to overcome the terrible loss. I've done such things myself, like bowing down in the car to pick up things at a younger age. Not anymore. I see lots of people texting while driving nowadays. You cannot give advice often enough to stop that and concentrate on driving. __________________ >^..^<*)))>{ All generalizations are wrong.

12-06-19, 07:20 AM	#10
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,089 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	My sincerest condolences to Jame, you and your families John. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

12-06-19, 08:55 AM	#11
GoldenRivet Subsim Aviator Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Texas Posts: 8,712 Downloads: 146 Uploads: 0	Thank you, everyone. Just remember, your final hour approaches you at a speed you cannot know. prepare for it - but use preventative measures whenever possible __________________

12-09-19, 02:13 PM	#12
iambecomelife Silent Hunter Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 4,584 Downloads: 297 Uploads: 0	I second the advice about seatbelts....about 5 years ago I lost an acquaintance whose injuries would have been minor, or none, if he had been wearing a seatbelt....sincere condolences to you. __________________ https://www.facebook.com/WolvesoftheKaiser/

12-09-19, 03:47 PM	#13
JU_88 Silent Hunter Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: UK Posts: 3,727 Downloads: 11 Uploads: 0	Jesus, Im really sorry for you loss GR, very sad and devestating story indeed Best wishes to you and family.

12-09-19, 10:41 PM	#14
fireftr18 Ocean Warrior Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Kentucky Posts: 2,526 Downloads: 77 Uploads: 0	I hate to hear the news rivet. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers. I've seen too much of that over the years. I'll back up what you wrote about seat belts. I've seen what can be construed as miracles just because someone had the fore thought to wear a seat belt. __________________ Of all the forms of Martial Arts, Karaoke causes the most pain!