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Old 12-08-2020, 07:49 AM   #9451
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Sleeping is hard in the summer because the blankets are too warm, but without them I am vulnerable to monsters.
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Old 12-09-2020, 06:02 AM   #9452
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If you are lonely, dim all the lights and put on a horror movie. You won't feel like you are lonely any more.
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Old 12-09-2020, 07:52 AM   #9453
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"Capitalism made your iPhone"
"No, Labor made your iPhone.
Labor makes things under any -ism.
-Ism just determines who gets paid."


Made me think
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Old 12-09-2020, 07:55 AM   #9454
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As long as everything is exactly the way I want it.. I'm totally flexible.
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Old 12-10-2020, 09:51 AM   #9455
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I'm multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time.
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Old 12-11-2020, 09:14 AM   #9456
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I would like to thank my middle finger for always sticking up for me when I needed it.
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Old 12-12-2020, 09:50 AM   #9457
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I just found out it takes 5 sheep to make one wool sweater. I didn't even know they knew how to knit.
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Old 12-13-2020, 11:33 AM   #9458
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Oh I'm sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?
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Old 12-13-2020, 12:48 PM   #9459
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Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and are paid just enough not to quit...
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Old 12-14-2020, 06:42 AM   #9460
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I never make the same mistake twice. I make it three four times, you know, just to be sure!
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Old 12-14-2020, 11:55 AM   #9461
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In a recent study, nine out of ten husbands agree : their wives are always right. Husband # ten has not been seen since the study concluded.
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Old 12-14-2020, 12:23 PM   #9462
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I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
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Old 12-15-2020, 09:56 AM   #9463
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Want to hear a construction joke? Sorry, I'm still working on it.
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Old 12-15-2020, 01:45 PM   #9464
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with the current Covid pandemic: don't sweat the petty things...and don't pet the sweaty things!
 
inspired by late humorist George Carlin
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Old 12-15-2020, 02:06 PM   #9465
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I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side, my legs for always supporting me, and my fingers, because I can always count on them.
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