The joke thread II - Page 214

Jimbuna · 09-06-21, 12:38 PM

Teacher says: “With 8 billion people on Earth, that also means a lot of people die every minute. People are dying as we speak, with every breath I take.”

Little Johnny suggests: “Maybe you should try some mouthwash.“

Jimbuna · 09-07-21, 01:19 PM

Attorney: “Why didn’t you help when your wife was being attacked and beaten by your neighbor?”

Defendant: “Well – it seemed to me he was doing just fine on his own!”

Catfish · 09-08-21, 08:25 AM

I just learned a dentist up the street from us got arrested for dealing drugs.
Just goes to show you how wrong you can be about your neighbors, I’ve been going to this guy for well over a decade, I never knew he was a dentist.

Jimbuna · 09-08-21, 01:04 PM

Doctor: Mr. Rooseley, are you sure you really want to know your test results?

Patient: I’m dying to know.

Doctor: Well, funny you should say that...

Jimbuna · 09-09-21, 12:17 PM

KID : Dad, what do condoms do?

DAD : Son, they prevent questions just like that one.

Platapus · 09-09-21, 04:33 PM

I have a low tolerance for math

I liked Algebra and Geometry, but I draw the line at Graphing.

Jimbuna · 09-10-21, 11:29 AM

Why is the Great Wall of China considered one of the seven wonders of the world?

Because it is an actual long-lasting Chinese product.

Jimbuna · 09-11-21, 11:41 AM

There’s a new lipstick on the market, it is guaranteed to help you lose lots of weight, and fast.

It’s marketed as a glue stick.

Jimbuna · 09-12-21, 08:33 AM

Two guys want to escape from a psychiatry institution.

The first guy suggests, “Ok I will turn on my flashlight and you climb down the light beam!”

The other one huffs, “Are you totally insane?! What if the batteries die when I’m just halfway down?”

magic452 · 09-13-21, 12:54 AM

I know I shouldn’t have done this, but I am 83 years old and I was in the McDonald’s drive-through this morning and the young lady behind me leaned on her horn and started mouthing something because I was taking too long to place my order.

So when I got to the first window I paid for her order along with my own. The cashier must have told her what I'd done, because as we moved up she leaned out her window and waved to me and mouthed "Thank you.", obviously embarrassed that I had repaid her rudeness with kindness.

When I got to the second window I showed them both receipts and took her food too. Now she has to go back to the end of the queue and start all over again….

Don't blow your horn at old people, they have been around a long time.

Magic

Jimbuna · 09-13-21, 12:00 PM

During World War II, my grandpa single-handedly killed 30 German pilots.

He was the crappiest mechanic the Luftwaffe ever hired.

Jimbuna · 09-14-21, 01:56 PM

A man complains sadly to a psychologist: “Nobody seems to like me.“

The psychologist responds: “What do you think could be the reason for that?“

The man looks at him: “So is it my task or yours to find that out you moron!“

Platapus · 09-14-21, 04:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jimbuna

During World War II, my grandpa single-handedly killed 30 German pilots.

He was the crappiest mechanic the Luftwaffe ever hired.

Post #1600

Platapus · 09-14-21, 04:57 PM

I think the person who developed auto-correct should go straight to hello.

Platapus · 09-14-21, 04:59 PM

I find crushing coke cans to be soda pressing.

09-06-21, 12:38 PM	#3196
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,120 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Teacher says: “With 8 billion people on Earth, that also means a lot of people die every minute. People are dying as we speak, with every breath I take.” Little Johnny suggests: “Maybe you should try some mouthwash.“ __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

09-07-21, 01:19 PM	#3197
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,120 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Attorney: “Why didn’t you help when your wife was being attacked and beaten by your neighbor?” Defendant: “Well – it seemed to me he was doing just fine on his own!” __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

09-08-21, 08:25 AM	#3198
Catfish Dipped Squirrel Operative Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: ..where the ocean meets the sky Posts: 16,897 Downloads: 38 Uploads: 0	I just learned a dentist up the street from us got arrested for dealing drugs. Just goes to show you how wrong you can be about your neighbors, I’ve been going to this guy for well over a decade, I never knew he was a dentist. __________________ >^..^<*)))>{ All generalizations are wrong.

09-08-21, 01:04 PM	#3199
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,120 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Doctor: Mr. Rooseley, are you sure you really want to know your test results? Patient: I’m dying to know. Doctor: Well, funny you should say that... __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

09-09-21, 12:17 PM	#3200
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,120 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	KID : Dad, what do condoms do? DAD : Son, they prevent questions just like that one. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

09-09-21, 04:33 PM	#3201
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,946 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	I have a low tolerance for math I liked Algebra and Geometry, but I draw the line at Graphing. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

09-10-21, 11:29 AM	#3202
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,120 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Why is the Great Wall of China considered one of the seven wonders of the world? Because it is an actual long-lasting Chinese product. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

09-11-21, 11:41 AM	#3203
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,120 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	There’s a new lipstick on the market, it is guaranteed to help you lose lots of weight, and fast. It’s marketed as a glue stick. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

09-12-21, 08:33 AM	#3204
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,120 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Two guys want to escape from a psychiatry institution. The first guy suggests, “Ok I will turn on my flashlight and you climb down the light beam!” The other one huffs, “Are you totally insane?! What if the batteries die when I’m just halfway down?” __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

09-13-21, 12:54 AM	#3205
magic452 Sea Lord Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Reno Nevada USA Posts: 1,860 Downloads: 85 Uploads: 0	I know I shouldn’t have done this, but I am 83 years old and I was in the McDonald’s drive-through this morning and the young lady behind me leaned on her horn and started mouthing something because I was taking too long to place my order. So when I got to the first window I paid for her order along with my own. The cashier must have told her what I'd done, because as we moved up she leaned out her window and waved to me and mouthed "Thank you.", obviously embarrassed that I had repaid her rudeness with kindness. When I got to the second window I showed them both receipts and took her food too. Now she has to go back to the end of the queue and start all over again…. Don't blow your horn at old people, they have been around a long time. Magic __________________ Reported lost 11 Feb. 1942 Signature by depthtok33l

09-13-21, 12:00 PM	#3206
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,120 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	During World War II, my grandpa single-handedly killed 30 German pilots. He was the crappiest mechanic the Luftwaffe ever hired. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

09-14-21, 01:56 PM	#3207
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,120 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	A man complains sadly to a psychologist: “Nobody seems to like me.“ The psychologist responds: “What do you think could be the reason for that?“ The man looks at him: “So is it my task or yours to find that out you moron!“ __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

09-14-21, 04:57 PM	#3209
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,946 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	I think the person who developed auto-correct should go straight to hello. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

09-14-21, 04:59 PM	#3210
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,946 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	I find crushing coke cans to be soda pressing. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.