The joke thread II

[Jimbuna]

If Dracula can’t see his reflection in the mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?

[Platapus]

Since moonlight is just reflected sunlight, why aren't all vampires killed automatically at night?

[Jimbuna]

I was already a nervous wreck about my upcoming surgery. It didn’t help matters when the admitting nurse absent-mindedly asked me, “Have you had a hysterectomy before?”

[Platapus]

Did you hear about the bossy man at the bar?





He ordered everyone around.

[Jimbuna]

A brain walks into a bar and takes a seat. “I’d like some wings and a pint of beer, please,” he says.

“Sorry, but I can’t serve you,” the bartender replies. “You’re out of your head.”

[Platapus]

Did you hear about the broken guitar for sale?





It comes with no strings attached.

[Jimbuna]

I hang on to my old, beat-up appliances as long as they keep working. I thought my wife shared, or at least accepted, my philosophy. But the other morning, I saw a note posted in front of my 15-year-old coffeemaker: “Jurassic Perk.”

[Platapus]

I wanted to take a bath,





but decided to leave it where it is.

[Jimbuna]

Three rough-looking bikers stomp into a truck stop where a grizzled old-timer is having breakfast.

One of the bikers extinguishes his cigarette in the old guy’s pancakes. The second biker spits a wad of chewing tobacco into his coffee. The third biker dumps the whole plate onto the floor.

Without a word of protest, the old guy pays his bill and leaves.

“Not much of a man, was he?” says one of the bikers.

“Not much of a driver, either,” says the waitress. “He just backed his truck over three motorcycles.”