The joke thread II - Page 145

Jimbuna · 08-04-20, 12:45 PM

I’ve decided to start an educational campaign to tell people about the health benefits of eating dried grapes.

It’s all about raisin awareness.

Platapus · 08-05-20, 06:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jimbuna

Christianity: One woman’s lie about having an affair that got seriously out of hand.

Or how to turn a case of grave robbery into a religion.

Jimbuna · 08-05-20, 07:31 AM

Q. How many divorced men does it take to change a lightbulb.
A. None because they never get the house.

Jimbuna · 08-05-20, 07:32 AM

My wife just kicked me out of the house because my Arnold Schwarzenegger impression was really bad. But don’t worry…

I’ll return.

magic452 · 08-06-20, 02:08 AM

Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard
To get her poor daughter a dress
When she got there, the cupboard was bare

And so was her daughter, I guess?????

Magic

Platapus · 08-06-20, 06:51 AM

Ohhh opening up the limerick door are we?

I tell you, to give you some clarity
Most limericks are filled with vulgarity
But this one is clean
If you know what I mean
And in that sense it's really a rarity.

Jimbuna · 08-06-20, 11:52 AM

Girlfriend: Do you want to get married?
Me: Sure.
Girlfriend: Great, when?
Me: Well like every other guy, when I meet the right girl.

Jimbuna · 08-06-20, 11:53 AM

My wife laughed when I said I still had the body of an 18 year old…

Until she checked the freezer.

Jimbuna · 08-07-20, 11:57 AM

All woman are bi. It’s a man’s job to figure out if they are bi-sexual or bi polar.

Jimbuna · 08-07-20, 12:00 PM

Appear 10 years younger by telling everybody you are 10 years older than you actually are.

Jimbuna · 08-08-20, 11:57 AM

Heard on the news that the worlds oldest man died earlier today. Why does this keep happening?

Jimbuna · 08-08-20, 11:58 AM

People who say they’ve lost their voice are lying.

Eisenwurst · 08-09-20, 12:48 AM

An eskimo buys a fridge.

His mates say "you're mad. it's -20 degrees outside".

He replies "Yeah but it's 5 degrees inside the fridge so it's nice and warm".

Jimbuna · 08-09-20, 08:16 AM

When my girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with The Monkees, I thought she was joking.

And then I saw her face.

Jimbuna · 08-09-20, 08:16 AM

Just been ripped off by the guy who works at my local Chinese hardware store.
The pan he sold me doesn’t fly at all.

08-04-20, 12:45 PM	#2161
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,102 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I’ve decided to start an educational campaign to tell people about the health benefits of eating dried grapes. It’s all about raisin awareness. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

08-05-20, 07:31 AM	#2163
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,102 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Q. How many divorced men does it take to change a lightbulb. A. None because they never get the house. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

08-05-20, 07:32 AM	#2164
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,102 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	My wife just kicked me out of the house because my Arnold Schwarzenegger impression was really bad. But don’t worry… I’ll return. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

08-06-20, 02:08 AM	#2165
magic452 Sea Lord Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Reno Nevada USA Posts: 1,860 Downloads: 85 Uploads: 0	Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard To get her poor daughter a dress When she got there, the cupboard was bare And so was her daughter, I guess????? Magic __________________ Reported lost 11 Feb. 1942 Signature by depthtok33l

08-06-20, 06:51 AM	#2166
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,939 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	Ohhh opening up the limerick door are we? I tell you, to give you some clarity Most limericks are filled with vulgarity But this one is clean If you know what I mean And in that sense it's really a rarity. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

08-06-20, 11:52 AM	#2167
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,102 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Girlfriend: Do you want to get married? Me: Sure. Girlfriend: Great, when? Me: Well like every other guy, when I meet the right girl. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

08-06-20, 11:53 AM	#2168
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,102 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	My wife laughed when I said I still had the body of an 18 year old… Until she checked the freezer. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

08-07-20, 11:57 AM	#2169
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,102 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	All woman are bi. It’s a man’s job to figure out if they are bi-sexual or bi polar. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

08-07-20, 12:00 PM	#2170
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,102 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Appear 10 years younger by telling everybody you are 10 years older than you actually are. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

08-08-20, 11:57 AM	#2171
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,102 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Heard on the news that the worlds oldest man died earlier today. Why does this keep happening? __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

08-08-20, 11:58 AM	#2172
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,102 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	People who say they’ve lost their voice are lying. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

08-09-20, 12:48 AM	#2173
Eisenwurst Silent Hunter Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 3,592 Downloads: 58 Uploads: 0	An eskimo buys a fridge. His mates say "you're mad. it's -20 degrees outside". He replies "Yeah but it's 5 degrees inside the fridge so it's nice and warm". __________________

08-09-20, 08:16 AM	#2174
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,102 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	When my girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with The Monkees, I thought she was joking. And then I saw her face. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

08-09-20, 08:16 AM	#2175
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,102 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Just been ripped off by the guy who works at my local Chinese hardware store. The pan he sold me doesn’t fly at all. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)