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Old 12-16-20, 12:55 PM   #9466
Jimbuna
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I get tired from just thinking of everything I have to do.
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Old 12-16-20, 04:08 PM   #9467
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The day I'm gone, you cease to exist

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Old 12-16-20, 04:48 PM   #9468
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Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul gets up to the roof...and gets stuck.
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Old 12-17-20, 08:02 AM   #9469
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So, then, is reincarnation Yoyoism...





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Old 12-17-20, 10:19 AM   #9470
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I always mean what I say, I don't always mean to say it out loud, but I always mean it.
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Old 12-18-20, 02:32 PM   #9471
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Instead of calling it the John I'm going to start calling my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.
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Old 12-19-20, 11:59 AM   #9472
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My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely!
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Old 12-20-20, 02:18 PM   #9473
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Parenthood, the scariest hood to go through.
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Old 12-21-20, 09:18 AM   #9474
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Interviewer: So tell me about yourself. Me: I'd rather not.. I kinda want this job.
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Old 12-22-20, 09:17 AM   #9475
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Of course I'm in shape. Round is a shape.
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Old 12-22-20, 10:48 AM   #9476
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I really enjoy work...


...I could sit and watch it for hours...






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Old 12-23-20, 05:17 AM   #9477
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I was gonna take over the world today but I overslept. Postponed, again!
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Old 12-23-20, 01:35 PM   #9478
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If every day is a gift, then today I got socks.
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Old 12-24-20, 06:21 AM   #9479
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I'm a Victoria's Secret model. It's such a secret, not even Victoria knows.
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Old 12-26-20, 08:39 AM   #9480
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My hobbies include eating and complaining that I've gained too much weight.
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