Learning how to write the Air Force way

Platapus · 09-25-21, 08:07 AM

I retired from active duty over 20 years ago and have recently been hired as a DAF civilian. Needless to say, somethings have changed since I was in.

I was asked to write up a nomination package for a quarterly award for a person in my division. I like writing this stuff and the individual deserved this recognition.

The nomination instructions mandated 4 and 2 bullets not to exceed one line in the form. No more, no less.

That seemed a bit overly restrictive, but I gave it a good shot.

Here is what I wrote. It took me a long time to get it to fit one line on the stupid form.

LEADERSHIP AND JOB PERFORMANCE IN PRIMARY DUTY:

- Unit lead for the Office of the Under Secretary of Defense for Intelligence and Security, Oversight Review.
- Developed novel schema for managing 4,882 documents, during COVID Precautions, resulting in zero deficiencies.
- Airman's leadership across unit's six divisions at two locations ensured document delivery 14 days before deadline.
- Unit received an Excellent rating and personal recognition by the Director of HUMINT and Sensitive Activities (SA).

WHOLE AIRMAN CONCEPT:

- Selected as the inaugural Chair for the five person Air Force Sensitive Activities Office Workforce Advisory Council.
- Manages seven SA portfolios spanning three Major Commands and Direct Reporting Units and US Space Force.

Upon submitting up for review, it was pointed out that my assumption that this needed to be written in English was incorrect. Based on the review of two people who have a long history of getting their nominations approved, this was the final version of my nomination package.

LEADERSHIP AND JOB PERFORMANCE IN PRIMARY DUTY:
- Led ovrsight prep; herd'd 3 GSUs, recap'd IT/dvlpd collab cape--incr'd eff 35%/DoD-rated '#1/23 ofcs/highly effective'
- Guided MAJCOM evals; dvlpd DoD best practice, coach'd/trn'd 3 tm lds--upheld 100% compliance/zero msn exposure
- Partnered w/USSF; replied to 11 RFIs/influenced cape pln'g--shaped force readiness decisions/sustain'd Nat'l Security
- Dvlp'd mgmt scheme f/4.9K class docs; pre-rvw'd 2 Svcs/3 MAJCOMs/3 DRUs remotely--cut 32 TDY dys/75% cost

WHOLE AIRMAN CONCEPT:
- Sel'd 1st Chair f/Dir's Advsry Council; led 5-prsn tm, estb'd charter/bylaws--addr'd DEOCS concerns/2-ltr Dir's #1 pri
- Exploited AI data Masters pgm; rsrch'd/dvlpd 2 inits f/enhanc'd knwldg mgmt/analytics--cement'd future ops decisions

What the hell is this???
I know this guy and what he did and I can’t understand this!!!

It is a strange language they use and I gota a lotta learnin' to do.

August · 09-25-21, 08:48 AM

I hate working on estimates involving government facilities. Their job specs are always way over detailed and filled with gotchas camouflaged in gobbledegook just like that.

You should send the guy your English language version as a personal letter of appreciation or something. It'd be nice if he had a readable translation of what he did to go along with the award document in a job interview someday.

mapuc · 09-25-21, 08:53 AM

Sel'd 1st Chair f/Dir's Advsry Council; led 5-prsn tm, estb'd

Here is how I read it.

Sel'd 1st = Selected first Chair for
/Dir's =Directors
Advsry=Advisory Council
5.Prsn tm- Led 5 person team
Estb'd = Established

Markus

Platapus · 09-25-21, 11:47 AM

To make this even more ridiculous, the form that I had to submit the nomination was two pages long with about a page and a half designated for the award nomination narrative.

But the rules state only 6 single line bullets.

MadMike · 10-17-21, 05:04 PM

Translation- Put on the hip waders, it's gettin' deep!

Got bad during the McPeak era, glad I took early retirement (under Clinton's "peace dividend").

I recently saw one CMSgt with approx 15 years at one USAFE location. Probably wrote up their own awards and decs too (Legion of Merit, Defense Meritorious Service Medal, Meritorious Service Medal with four oak leaf clusters). Not even exposed to combat, what a joke. I knew one AF colonel who was on the SAC targeting staff at Offut, he stated he wrote up his own Legion of Merit for his retirement.

Yours, &c.

Mike

3catcircus · 10-18-21, 06:06 AM

These are the participation trophy generation who end up in "leadership" positions in the military, government, and industry who have no idea what leadership actually is.

You can't fool the junior enlisted. Just sit back and look at who they respect. It's not the major punching his ticket on his way to command or the staff nco more concerned with appearances than actual readiness and welfare of the troops. It's the unpromotable 1LT or CPT who is getting the f$ck out as soon as possible. It's the Sgt willing to overlook or ignore orders that make life suck for his guys.

And it's all because society has allowed participation trophy people in positions of authority because of their background and connections rather than their aptitude. Of *course* he'll make a good leader - he went to an Ivy League and was battalion CO of his ROTC unit, so he must be smart and worthy - ignoring that he's a socialist who got into an ivy league because his parents went the Aunt Becky route to get him in.

09-25-21, 08:48 AM	#2
August Wayfaring Stranger Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Massachusetts Posts: 22,667 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	I hate working on estimates involving government facilities. Their job specs are always way over detailed and filled with gotchas camouflaged in gobbledegook just like that. You should send the guy your English language version as a personal letter of appreciation or something. It'd be nice if he had a readable translation of what he did to go along with the award document in a job interview someday. __________________ Flanked by life and the funeral pyre. Putting on a show for you to see.

09-25-21, 08:53 AM	#3
mapuc Fleet Admiral Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Denmark Posts: 17,870 Downloads: 37 Uploads: 0	Sel'd 1st Chair f/Dir's Advsry Council; led 5-prsn tm, estb'd Here is how I read it. Sel'd 1st = Selected first Chair for /Dir's =Directors Advsry=Advisory Council 5.Prsn tm- Led 5 person team Estb'd = Established Markus __________________ My little lovely female cat

09-25-21, 11:47 AM	#4
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,946 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	To make this even more ridiculous, the form that I had to submit the nomination was two pages long with about a page and a half designated for the award nomination narrative. But the rules state only 6 single line bullets. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

09-25-21, 08:07 AM	#1
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,946 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	Learning how to write the Air Force way I retired from active duty over 20 years ago and have recently been hired as a DAF civilian. Needless to say, somethings have changed since I was in. I was asked to write up a nomination package for a quarterly award for a person in my division. I like writing this stuff and the individual deserved this recognition. The nomination instructions mandated 4 and 2 bullets not to exceed one line in the form. No more, no less. That seemed a bit overly restrictive, but I gave it a good shot. Here is what I wrote. It took me a long time to get it to fit one line on the stupid form. LEADERSHIP AND JOB PERFORMANCE IN PRIMARY DUTY: - Unit lead for the Office of the Under Secretary of Defense for Intelligence and Security, Oversight Review. - Developed novel schema for managing 4,882 documents, during COVID Precautions, resulting in zero deficiencies. - Airman's leadership across unit's six divisions at two locations ensured document delivery 14 days before deadline. - Unit received an Excellent rating and personal recognition by the Director of HUMINT and Sensitive Activities (SA). WHOLE AIRMAN CONCEPT: - Selected as the inaugural Chair for the five person Air Force Sensitive Activities Office Workforce Advisory Council. - Manages seven SA portfolios spanning three Major Commands and Direct Reporting Units and US Space Force. Upon submitting up for review, it was pointed out that my assumption that this needed to be written in English was incorrect. Based on the review of two people who have a long history of getting their nominations approved, this was the final version of my nomination package. LEADERSHIP AND JOB PERFORMANCE IN PRIMARY DUTY: - Led ovrsight prep; herd'd 3 GSUs, recap'd IT/dvlpd collab cape--incr'd eff 35%/DoD-rated '#1/23 ofcs/highly effective' - Guided MAJCOM evals; dvlpd DoD best practice, coach'd/trn'd 3 tm lds--upheld 100% compliance/zero msn exposure - Partnered w/USSF; replied to 11 RFIs/influenced cape pln'g--shaped force readiness decisions/sustain'd Nat'l Security - Dvlp'd mgmt scheme f/4.9K class docs; pre-rvw'd 2 Svcs/3 MAJCOMs/3 DRUs remotely--cut 32 TDY dys/75% cost WHOLE AIRMAN CONCEPT: - Sel'd 1st Chair f/Dir's Advsry Council; led 5-prsn tm, estb'd charter/bylaws--addr'd DEOCS concerns/2-ltr Dir's #1 pri - Exploited AI data Masters pgm; rsrch'd/dvlpd 2 inits f/enhanc'd knwldg mgmt/analytics--cement'd future ops decisions What the hell is this??? I know this guy and what he did and I can’t understand this!!! It is a strange language they use and I gota a lotta learnin' to do. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

10-17-21, 05:04 PM	#5
MadMike Watch Officer Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 342 Downloads: 232 Uploads: 0	Translation- Put on the hip waders, it's gettin' deep! Got bad during the McPeak era, glad I took early retirement (under Clinton's "peace dividend"). I recently saw one CMSgt with approx 15 years at one USAFE location. Probably wrote up their own awards and decs too (Legion of Merit, Defense Meritorious Service Medal, Meritorious Service Medal with four oak leaf clusters). Not even exposed to combat, what a joke. I knew one AF colonel who was on the SAC targeting staff at Offut, he stated he wrote up his own Legion of Merit for his retirement. Yours, &c. Mike

10-18-21, 06:06 AM	#6
3catcircus Grey Wolf Join Date: Sep 2011 Posts: 952 Downloads: 246 Uploads: 0	These are the participation trophy generation who end up in "leadership" positions in the military, government, and industry who have no idea what leadership actually is. You can't fool the junior enlisted. Just sit back and look at who they respect. It's not the major punching his ticket on his way to command or the staff nco more concerned with appearances than actual readiness and welfare of the troops. It's the unpromotable 1LT or CPT who is getting the f$ck out as soon as possible. It's the Sgt willing to overlook or ignore orders that make life suck for his guys. And it's all because society has allowed participation trophy people in positions of authority because of their background and connections rather than their aptitude. Of course he'll make a good leader - he went to an Ivy League and was battalion CO of his ROTC unit, so he must be smart and worthy - ignoring that he's a socialist who got into an ivy league because his parents went the Aunt Becky route to get him in.