KRAP Movies....The Hunt for Phil's Red Herring.

kaptkirkU4467 · 05-24-09, 06:03 PM

Охота для Phil' отвлекающий маневр s.

The Hunt for Phil's Red Herring.

*Based on the book "The Hunt for Red October" by Tom Clancy".*

1996,near the Koala Bear peninsula..Soviet Union.

Tofu class nuclear ballistic missile submarine, Red Herring, heading out for sea trials.

Captain Phil turned his collar up,the cold wind whipping across the sail,his first officer,OddBall'ski..turned to him.
"Ship is ready to dive Captain...jezz Louise its cold up here."
Phil turned to go down the ladder,"Cold...yes it is."

Down in the nav station...
Phil leaned over the chart table,"Set a course for Thor's Toes,then down the Hershey Highway to Cuba."
OddBall'ski:The americanskis have a carrier near there...the Kennedy."

Phil points to the Hershey Trench,."After we exit the Hershey Highway ...we will pass through the American patrols, past their sonar nets, and lay off their largest city, and listen to their rock and roll... While we conduct missile drills."

*******
USS Dallas
688 class attack sub...

Captain Squid eyed the chart table,...his orders were to circle the exit of the Hershey Trench....and listen for a new Russian sub....

****
CIA HQ...
Jester Ryan...headed to the office of Admiral Gears.

Capt Squid · 05-25-09, 02:22 AM

"Diving Officer"

Moriarty: "Diving Officer, Aye."

"Make your depth 600 feet. Helm, all ahead 1/3, steady 090."

"Diving Officer, aye." "Helm, aye."

The ship heeled over and pitched down into the inky depths. The quartermaster duly recorded the orders and annotated the charts. Meanwhile, in the sonar shack...

Petty Officer Game, Crap to his friends, was jamming to some Tchaikowsky while listening to whale farts and trying to teach his new seaman, Kirk, how to recognize other ships and biologics in the depths. "You see, Seaman Kirk, listening is what sonar is all about. You have to have a .... wait, shhhhhh." as he clamped his headset to his ears. "Conn, Sonar. I've a contact, designated Sierra One." "Crap! Are you sure?" "Conn, Sonar, Aye. I distinctly heard Roll Over, Bethoven on the equipment."

kaptkirkU4467 · 05-25-09, 07:17 AM

Red Herring...

Captain Phil sat at the mess table with his first watch..

"We can not turn back...we must now head to America."
OddBallski:" I would like to see Montana..."
Phil sat his glass down,:"Theres nothing in Montana..."

OddBallski:" I will live in Montana. And I will marry a round American woman and raise hamsters, and she will cook them for me. And I will have a pickup truck... Maybe even a "recreational vehicle." And drive from state to state. Do they let you do that? "

Captain Phill:" I suppose....but they don't have roads in Montana..and it snows all year long."
OddBallski:"Well then,I will live in... Arizona...do they have roads there?"

Phill.." I suppose."

Captain Phil keyed the intercom,"Nav...this is the Captain,make a 360 deg turn to clear our baffles and prepare to engage the Centipede Silent Drive in 30 minutes."

"Captain,..this is the Nav station..port or starboard turn sir?"

Phill:"I dont know...flip a coin."

Capt Squid · 05-25-09, 02:25 PM

At the Naval High Command in Freezeyurbuttski, the Admiral arrived in his fancy stretch Lada limousine.

"Admiral Gstewskaya, I have your mail on the desk. Would you like some tea?"

"No, today I would like some ... Hot Chocolate." Then, he started reading his stack of letters. About halfway down, he came across a hand-written envelope from his old friend, Captain First Rank Philovich.

Slicing open the envelope, GStewskaya took a healthy swallow of Hot Chocolate, which, by now, was drinkable. After the first paragraph, the "Hot" Chocolate sprayed out as his face turned a bright crimson. "Commander Steveski! Get me Captain Second Rank Torplexedov!"

"Sir?"

"Captain Philovich has STOLEN the Red Herring! And I just had a killer Home Theatre installed! My insurance rates will go through the roof!"

kaptkirkU4467 · 05-25-09, 05:03 PM

USS Dallas..

Petty Officer Crap:" Conn, sonar! Crazy Neal!"
Captain Squid: All stop! Quick quiet!

Kirk: "What's goin' on? "
Crap: Russian captains sometime turn suddenly to see if anyone's behind them. We call it "Crazy Neal." The only thing you can do is go dead. Shut everything down and make like a hole in the water.

Kirk: So what's the catch?
Crap: "The catch is, a boat this big doesn't exactly stop on a dime... and if we're too close, we'll drift right into the back of him.
Kirk: And thats not good, right near the Hearshey Highway..."
***
Red Herring...

Captain Phil keyed the all ship MC,:"A great day comrades, we sail into history!
It reminds me of the heady days of Spudnik and Huey, Dewey, and Yuri.. when the world trembled at the sound of our rockets. Now they will tremble again - at the sound of our silence.
The order is: engage the Centipede Silent Drive!

OddBallski: :Sir...can we sing a song?"

Captain Phil tighted his seat belt,:"Sure...how about ..Ice Ice Baby...I always liked that one."

Capt Squid · 05-25-09, 08:33 PM

Oddballski: "Sir, I was thinking something on the order of "The Tipperary Song." It's the only one we know."

Philovich: "Wasn't that done in another submarine movie?"

O: "Where do you think we learned the words?"

P: "Very well. The Tipperary Song it is. <sigh>"

============================

USS Dallas:

Kirk: "CRAP! I thought I just heard some singing."

Crap: <listening closely> "You're right! Conn, Sonar, the contact is singing!"

CS: "What song? I'm partial to Yellow Submarine."

C: "No, sir, it's The Tipperary Song."

CS: "Wasn't that done on another submarine movie?"

===================================

Meanwhile, Captain Second Rank Torplexedov was berating his chief engineer, Moriartyonovich, for more speed.

M: "Sirrrrrrrr! I kenna gie her no more! She's gie us all she's got!"

T: "Can the Commander Montgomery Scott imitation. We've got to catch up with the Red Herring. The Admiral want's his Home Theatre back."

M: "What imitation, Sirrrrrrrrr? Monty's me kin."

05-24-09, 06:03 PM	#1
kaptkirkU4467 Navy Dude Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Ft.White Florida Posts: 178 Downloads: 18 Uploads: 0	KRAP Movies....The Hunt for Phil's Red Herring. Охота для Phil' отвлекающий маневр s. The Hunt for Phil's Red Herring. Based on the book "The Hunt for Red October" by Tom Clancy". 1996,near the Koala Bear peninsula..Soviet Union. Tofu class nuclear ballistic missile submarine, Red Herring, heading out for sea trials. Captain Phil turned his collar up,the cold wind whipping across the sail,his first officer,OddBall'ski..turned to him. "Ship is ready to dive Captain...jezz Louise its cold up here." Phil turned to go down the ladder,"Cold...yes it is." Down in the nav station... Phil leaned over the chart table,"Set a course for Thor's Toes,then down the Hershey Highway to Cuba." OddBall'ski:The americanskis have a carrier near there...the Kennedy." Phil points to the Hershey Trench,."After we exit the Hershey Highway ...we will pass through the American patrols, past their sonar nets, and lay off their largest city, and listen to their rock and roll... While we conduct missile drills." ***** USS Dallas 688 class attack sub... Captain Squid eyed the chart table,...his orders were to circle the exit of the Hershey Trench....and listen for a new Russian sub.... ** CIA HQ... Jester Ryan...headed to the office of Admiral Gears. __________________ G/K Worldwide: Making your life miserable since 2002 ! K.R.A.P. http://www.subsim.com/radioroom/forumdisplay.php?f=240

05-25-09, 07:17 AM	#3
kaptkirkU4467 Navy Dude Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Ft.White Florida Posts: 178 Downloads: 18 Uploads: 0	Red Herring... Captain Phil sat at the mess table with his first watch.. "We can not turn back...we must now head to America." OddBallski:" I would like to see Montana..." Phil sat his glass down,:"Theres nothing in Montana..." OddBallski:" I will live in Montana. And I will marry a round American woman and raise hamsters, and she will cook them for me. And I will have a pickup truck... Maybe even a "recreational vehicle." And drive from state to state. Do they let you do that? " Captain Phill:" I suppose....but they don't have roads in Montana..and it snows all year long." OddBallski:"Well then,I will live in... Arizona...do they have roads there?" Phill.." I suppose." Captain Phil keyed the intercom,"Nav...this is the Captain,make a 360 deg turn to clear our baffles and prepare to engage the Centipede Silent Drive in 30 minutes." "Captain,..this is the Nav station..port or starboard turn sir?" Phill:"I dont know...flip a coin." __________________ G/K Worldwide: Making your life miserable since 2002 ! K.R.A.P. http://www.subsim.com/radioroom/forumdisplay.php?f=240

05-25-09, 05:03 PM	#5
kaptkirkU4467 Navy Dude Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Ft.White Florida Posts: 178 Downloads: 18 Uploads: 0	USS Dallas.. Petty Officer Crap:" Conn, sonar! Crazy Neal!" Captain Squid: All stop! Quick quiet! Kirk: "What's goin' on? " Crap: Russian captains sometime turn suddenly to see if anyone's behind them. We call it "Crazy Neal." The only thing you can do is go dead. Shut everything down and make like a hole in the water. Kirk: So what's the catch? Crap: "The catch is, a boat this big doesn't exactly stop on a dime... and if we're too close, we'll drift right into the back of him. Kirk: And thats not good, right near the Hearshey Highway..." * Red Herring... Captain Phil keyed the all ship MC,:"A great day comrades, we sail into history! It reminds me of the heady days of Spudnik and Huey, Dewey**, and Yuri.. when the world trembled at the sound of our rockets. Now they will tremble again - at the sound of our silence. The order is: engage the Centipede Silent Drive! OddBallski: :Sir...can we sing a song?" Captain Phil tighted his seat belt,:"Sure...how about ..Ice Ice Baby...I always liked that one." __________________ G/K Worldwide: Making your life miserable since 2002 ! K.R.A.P. http://www.subsim.com/radioroom/forumdisplay.php?f=240

05-25-09, 02:22 AM	#2
Capt Squid Torpedoman Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Patrol Depth at 3 knots Posts: 115 Downloads: 29 Uploads: 0	"Diving Officer" Moriarty: "Diving Officer, Aye." "Make your depth 600 feet. Helm, all ahead 1/3, steady 090." "Diving Officer, aye." "Helm, aye." The ship heeled over and pitched down into the inky depths. The quartermaster duly recorded the orders and annotated the charts. Meanwhile, in the sonar shack... Petty Officer Game, Crap to his friends, was jamming to some Tchaikowsky while listening to whale farts and trying to teach his new seaman, Kirk, how to recognize other ships and biologics in the depths. "You see, Seaman Kirk, listening is what sonar is all about. You have to have a .... wait, shhhhhh." as he clamped his headset to his ears. "Conn, Sonar. I've a contact, designated Sierra One." "Crap! Are you sure?" "Conn, Sonar, Aye. I distinctly heard Roll Over, Bethoven on the equipment."

05-25-09, 02:25 PM	#4
Capt Squid Torpedoman Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Patrol Depth at 3 knots Posts: 115 Downloads: 29 Uploads: 0	At the Naval High Command in Freezeyurbuttski, the Admiral arrived in his fancy stretch Lada limousine. "Admiral Gstewskaya, I have your mail on the desk. Would you like some tea?" "No, today I would like some ... Hot Chocolate." Then, he started reading his stack of letters. About halfway down, he came across a hand-written envelope from his old friend, Captain First Rank Philovich. Slicing open the envelope, GStewskaya took a healthy swallow of Hot Chocolate, which, by now, was drinkable. After the first paragraph, the "Hot" Chocolate sprayed out as his face turned a bright crimson. "Commander Steveski! Get me Captain Second Rank Torplexedov!" "Sir?" "Captain Philovich has STOLEN the Red Herring! And I just had a killer Home Theatre installed! My insurance rates will go through the roof!"

05-25-09, 08:33 PM	#6
Capt Squid Torpedoman Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Patrol Depth at 3 knots Posts: 115 Downloads: 29 Uploads: 0	Oddballski: "Sir, I was thinking something on the order of "The Tipperary Song." It's the only one we know." Philovich: "Wasn't that done in another submarine movie?" O: "Where do you think we learned the words?" P: "Very well. The Tipperary Song it is. <sigh>" ============================ USS Dallas: Kirk: "CRAP! I thought I just heard some singing." Crap: <listening closely> "You're right! Conn, Sonar, the contact is singing!" CS: "What song? I'm partial to Yellow Submarine." C: "No, sir, it's The Tipperary Song." CS: "Wasn't that done on another submarine movie?" =================================== Meanwhile, Captain Second Rank Torplexedov was berating his chief engineer, Moriartyonovich, for more speed. M: "Sirrrrrrrr! I kenna gie her no more! She's gie us all she's got!" T: "Can the Commander Montgomery Scott imitation. We've got to catch up with the Red Herring. The Admiral want's his Home Theatre back." M: "What imitation, Sirrrrrrrrr? Monty's me kin."