The joke thread II - Page 210

Platapus · 07-24-21, 05:52 AM

I received a letter from the IRS telling me that my tax return was outstanding

While I appreciated the complement, to be honest, I can't remember even sending my return to the IRS this year.

Jimbuna · 07-24-21, 11:02 AM

My wife and I watched The Perfect Murder together. Awesome movie, what disturbed me a little though was my wife constantly taking notes.

Platapus · 07-25-21, 05:10 AM

I got into a bit of trouble

I was in the elevator when this "well endowed" lady came in. My attention was ... focused.

Then she said "Please press one".......

Jimbuna · 07-25-21, 12:23 PM

Girlfriend and boyfriend are strolling through the city of Paris. Suddenly he sees a shooting star.

Boyfriend: “Look, a shooting star! Make a wish!”

Girlfriend: “I want to marry you!”

Boyfriend: “Huh, maybe it was just lightning.”

Jimbuna · 07-26-21, 10:10 AM

Famous last words of a bomb disposal expert?

"Yes, the red wire."

Jimbuna · 07-27-21, 11:48 AM

Doctor: “You look much worse than you did last week! I said you should smoke a maximum of five cigarettes a day!”

Patient: “And that’s what I did. And it wasn’t easy because up until now I didn’t smoke at all!”

Jimbuna · 07-28-21, 08:49 AM

Doctor, please, my son ate some cement. What can I do?

First of all, don't give him anything to drink.

Jimbuna · 07-29-21, 09:29 AM

Join the Army, meet some fascinating people, then kill them.

Jimbuna · 07-30-21, 09:23 AM

What is black and sticks to a tree?

A peeping tom after a forest fire.

Commander Wallace · 07-30-21, 09:45 PM

I walked in the front door and my wife asked why I came home half drunk. I replied, I ran out of money.

When I read of the terrible dangers associated with excessive drinking, I gave up reading.

Jimbuna · 07-31-21, 04:50 AM

One man's trash is another man's treasure...

(Maybe this wasn’t the ideal way of telling our daughter that she was adopted…)

Jimbuna · 07-31-21, 04:57 AM

“Do you have Valentines cards that say something like “You’re my only one?”

Sure thing.

Wonderful! I’ll take 8 of those please.

Jimbuna · 08-01-21, 09:37 AM

I discovered my mother in law has weekly sessions with Lucifer himself on how to be even more vicious. I’ve no idea what kind of fees she’s charging him.

Jimbuna · 08-02-21, 07:30 AM

A mom tells her son a joke; the son is embarrassed and says: "Mom, please don't tell any more jokes. You really can't make them."

The mom only shrugs and says, "Well – I did make you..."

Platapus · 08-02-21, 05:03 PM

If you really think about it
Waffles are just pancakes with abs.

07-24-21, 05:52 AM	#3136
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,946 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	I received a letter from the IRS telling me that my tax return was outstanding While I appreciated the complement, to be honest, I can't remember even sending my return to the IRS this year. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

07-24-21, 11:02 AM	#3137
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,120 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	My wife and I watched The Perfect Murder together. Awesome movie, what disturbed me a little though was my wife constantly taking notes. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

07-25-21, 05:10 AM	#3138
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,946 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	I got into a bit of trouble I was in the elevator when this "well endowed" lady came in. My attention was ... focused. Then she said "Please press one"....... __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

07-25-21, 12:23 PM	#3139
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,120 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Girlfriend and boyfriend are strolling through the city of Paris. Suddenly he sees a shooting star. Boyfriend: “Look, a shooting star! Make a wish!” Girlfriend: “I want to marry you!” Boyfriend: “Huh, maybe it was just lightning.” __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

07-26-21, 10:10 AM	#3140
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,120 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Famous last words of a bomb disposal expert? "Yes, the red wire." __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

07-27-21, 11:48 AM	#3141
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,120 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Doctor: “You look much worse than you did last week! I said you should smoke a maximum of five cigarettes a day!” Patient: “And that’s what I did. And it wasn’t easy because up until now I didn’t smoke at all!” __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

07-28-21, 08:49 AM	#3142
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,120 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Doctor, please, my son ate some cement. What can I do? First of all, don't give him anything to drink. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

07-29-21, 09:29 AM	#3143
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,120 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Join the Army, meet some fascinating people, then kill them. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

07-30-21, 09:23 AM	#3144
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,120 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	What is black and sticks to a tree? A peeping tom after a forest fire. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

07-30-21, 09:45 PM	#3145
Commander Wallace Navy Seal Join Date: Oct 2012 Location: Under the sea in an Octupus garden in the shade Posts: 5,015 Downloads: 360 Uploads: 0	I walked in the front door and my wife asked why I came home half drunk. I replied, I ran out of money. When I read of the terrible dangers associated with excessive drinking, I gave up reading.

07-31-21, 04:50 AM	#3146
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,120 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	One man's trash is another man's treasure... (Maybe this wasn’t the ideal way of telling our daughter that she was adopted…) __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

07-31-21, 04:57 AM	#3147
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,120 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	“Do you have Valentines cards that say something like “You’re my only one?” Sure thing. Wonderful! I’ll take 8 of those please. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

08-01-21, 09:37 AM	#3148
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,120 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I discovered my mother in law has weekly sessions with Lucifer himself on how to be even more vicious. I’ve no idea what kind of fees she’s charging him. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

08-02-21, 07:30 AM	#3149
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,120 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	A mom tells her son a joke; the son is embarrassed and says: "Mom, please don't tell any more jokes. You really can't make them." The mom only shrugs and says, "Well – I did make you..." __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

08-02-21, 05:03 PM	#3150
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,946 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	If you really think about it Waffles are just pancakes with abs. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.