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02-16-19, 06:34 AM | #706 |
Chief of the Boat
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A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts.
“Do you know where the sensor is located?” my coworker asked. “Of course,” he responded. “It’s where we park the helicopters.”
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
02-16-19, 07:31 AM | #707 |
Fleet Admiral
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A German shepherd, a Doberman, and a cat all died at the same moment. They found themselves before the Throne of God, who asked them what they believed.
"I believe in unquestioning loyalty and obedience to my master," said the shepherd. "Excellent, replied God, "You may sit at my right hand. And you?" he asked the Doberman. "I believe in protecting my master and his family at all costs." "Excellent, replied God, "You may sit at my left hand. And what about you, cat?" "I believe you are in my chair."
__________________
abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right. |
02-17-19, 07:32 AM | #708 |
Chief of the Boat
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One of my insurance customers faxed over the police report from an auto accident. Several weeks later, she called asking for information from that report.
“Didn’t you keep the original copy?” I asked. “No,” she said. “I faxed it to you.”
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
02-17-19, 11:14 AM | #709 |
Chief of the Boat
|
Saw this sign on a shop that was going out of business in a shopping centre recently...
“Sorry, no public restroom. Try amazon.com.”
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
02-17-19, 06:42 PM | #710 |
Fleet Admiral
|
I've had a really bad day.
First, my ex. got run over by a bus, and then I was fired from my job as a bus driver.
__________________
abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right. |
02-18-19, 07:51 AM | #711 |
Chief of the Boat
|
The China National Tourism Administration has created tips for its citizens when traveling abroad, including:
• Don’t steal life vests from airplanes to give as gifts. • Don’t leave footprints on the toilet. • Don’t dry your underwear on lampshades.
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
02-18-19, 10:38 AM | #712 |
Fleet Admiral
|
A fellow found an old lamp and gave it a rub. Out popped a genie.
"I am the genie of the lamp. I grant you three wishes. What is your first wish?" "I wish you were bad at arithmetic." "Done," said the genie. "You now have 14 wishes."
__________________
abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right. |
02-18-19, 01:00 PM | #713 |
Chief of the Boat
|
The waitress was refilling cups of coffee when she stopped at the table next to ours. "Regular?" she asked her customer.
"Yes, thank you," said the man. "Due to a steady diet of fruit."
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
02-18-19, 03:37 PM | #714 |
Fleet Admiral
|
Doctors have just identified a food that can cause grief, suffering and stomach acid years after it's been consumed.
It's called wedding cake.
__________________
abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right. |
02-19-19, 09:08 AM | #715 |
Chief of the Boat
|
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
02-19-19, 03:07 PM | #716 |
Chief of the Boat
|
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
02-19-19, 03:55 PM | #717 |
Fleet Admiral
|
A recent study found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
__________________
abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right. |
02-19-19, 06:55 PM | #718 |
Lieutenant Commander
|
Why do i feel like i participated in that study?
__________________
Heading to AM49.(U-553) |
02-20-19, 07:20 AM | #719 |
Chief of the Boat
|
Thank you for calling the Weight Loss Hotline. If you’d like to lose a half pound right now, press "1" 18,000 times.
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
02-21-19, 07:12 AM | #720 |
Chief of the Boat
|
Our coworker Patrick shared his worst workday ever. He was at an appliance store and the delivery truck had broken down, which meant he was flooded with angry phone calls from customers. One irate caller canceled the delivery and told Patrick what he could do with it.
"I’m sorry," said Patrick. "That’s impossible. I already have a stove, a vacuum cleaner, and a microwave up there."
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
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