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03-25-24, 12:54 PM | #5146 |
Chief of the Boat
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Restaurant patron: “Waiter, I’d like a bottle of wine.”
Waiter: “What year, sir?” Patron: “Well, I’d like it right now.”
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
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03-25-24, 03:03 PM | #5147 |
Fleet Admiral
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I always pronounce one word wrong.
Wrong.
__________________
abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right. |
03-26-24, 07:26 AM | #5148 |
Chief of the Boat
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Mrs. Smythe was making final arrangements for an elaborate reception. “Nora,” she said to her veteran servant, “for the first half-hour I want you to stand at the drawing-room door and call the guests’ names as they arrive.”
Nora’s face lit up. “Thank you, ma’am,” she replied. “I’ve been wanting to do that to some of your friends for the last 20 years.”
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
03-26-24, 02:51 PM | #5149 |
Fleet Admiral
|
What do you call a crocodile wearing a vest?
An investigator.
__________________
abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right. |
03-27-24, 05:37 AM | #5150 |
Chief of the Boat
|
A bird in the hand is bad table manners.
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
03-27-24, 03:05 PM | #5151 |
Fleet Admiral
|
What do you call a Knight who liked to scare people?
Sir Prise
__________________
abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right. |
03-28-24, 09:12 AM | #5152 |
Chief of the Boat
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Two eggs, a bagel, and a sausage walk into a bar. “Bartender, my friends and I would like a cold one,” says one of the eggs.
“Sorry,” the barman replies. “We don’t serve breakfast.”
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
03-28-24, 05:17 PM | #5153 |
Fleet Admiral
|
I avoid hanging out with pigs.
They're a boar.
__________________
abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right. |
03-29-24, 05:33 AM | #5154 |
Chief of the Boat
|
An American was being shown a big Soviet sign factory. “We turn out about 500 signs a week,” proudly said the Russian, “and when business demands it, we can step it up to 2,000.”
“Amazing!” said the visitor. “By the way, what do the signs say?” “Elevators not running,” was the answer.
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
03-29-24, 03:33 PM | #5155 |
Fleet Admiral
|
What's stranger than seeing a catfish?
Watching a fish bowl.
__________________
abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right. |
03-30-24, 05:35 AM | #5156 |
Chief of the Boat
|
NBC’s Moscow correspondent Irving R. Levine heard a Russian greet a friend with: “Have you heard? Pravda is running a contest for the best political joke. The first prize is 20 years.”
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
03-30-24, 12:14 PM | #5157 |
Fleet Admiral
|
I got help for my ATM addiction, but went through withdrawals first.
__________________
abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right. |
03-31-24, 04:47 AM | #5158 |
Fleet Admiral
|
Did you hear about the fire at the shoe factory?
Unfortunately, many soles were lost.
__________________
abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right. |
03-31-24, 07:39 AM | #5159 |
Chief of the Boat
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It seems I have spent a lifetime of mouthing mechanically, “Say thank you. Sit up straight. Use your napkin. Close your mouth when you chew. Don’t lean back in your chair.” Just when I finally got my husband squared away, the kids came along.
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
03-31-24, 07:47 AM | #5160 |
Fleet Admiral
|
Did you hear about the guy who was afraid of hurdles?
He got over it.
__________________
abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right. |
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