The joke thread II - Page 317

Jimbuna · 10-30-23, 02:17 PM

Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.

Jimbuna · 10-31-23, 11:27 AM

What kind of sandals do frogs wear? Open-toad.

Platapus · 10-31-23, 02:47 PM

A friend of mine got kidnapped by a gang of mimes.

They did unspeakable things to him

Jimbuna · 11-01-23, 06:49 AM

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles.

Platapus · 11-01-23, 03:09 PM

Why is dark spelled with a K?

Because you can't C in dark

Jimbuna · 11-02-23, 07:51 AM

What do you call a potato wearing glasses? A spec-tater.

Jimbuna · 11-03-23, 08:08 AM

What do you call a moose with no name? Anonymoose.

Platapus · 11-04-23, 04:57 AM

My son asked me what it was like being married.

I told him to leave me alone.

When he did, I asked him why he was ignoring me.

Jimbuna · 11-04-23, 07:59 AM

Why did the ram run over the cliff? He didn’t see the ewe turn.

Platapus · 11-05-23, 06:56 AM

I called the Paranoia Help line

They asked me "how did you get this number?"

Jimbuna · 11-05-23, 07:11 AM

Why did the picture go to jail? He was framed.

Platapus · 11-05-23, 01:54 PM

I don't mean to brag.....

But cashiers are always checking me out

Jimbuna · 11-06-23, 04:24 AM

What is a calendar’s favorite food? Dates.

Jimbuna · 11-06-23, 08:42 AM

An elderly man rear-ended a younger man who was driving an expensive European sports car…
Enraged, the younger man hops out & confronts the old man. "Look what you did to my car…!!! ”He yells
"I demand that you give me $10,000 right now or I'm going to beat you to a pulp!"
"Oh my…" the old man said nervously, "I don't have that kind of money.”
“ Just let me call my son…,” he said with hope, “he trains dolphins and he will know what to do."
"Dolphins..!?!?! Right" the other driver huffed, while rolling his eyes.
The old man took out his phone, dialed his son, & just as his son answered, the irate man snatched the phone away from the old man.
"So, YOU'RE a dolphin trainer, huh..?!?!” The irate man yelled, “Well, your old man here just rear-ended my car and I need TEN GRAND right now, or I'm going to beat you AND your old man to a pulp…!!"
"I'll be there in 10 minutes," says the voice calmly on the other end.
Exactly 10 minutes later, a Jeep pulls up and a guy hops out and proceeds to pulverize the bully, leaving him in a heap on the side of the road.
When he finished, he walked over to his father and said….
" Dad .for the last time, I train Seals… Navy Seals.”
“NOT dolphins..!!”

Platapus · 11-06-23, 02:18 PM

10 years ago, my friend came in to the room crying and saying "it's a boy!"

Never visited Thailand again after that

10-30-23, 02:17 PM	#4741
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

10-31-23, 11:27 AM	#4742
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	What kind of sandals do frogs wear? Open-toad. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

10-31-23, 02:47 PM	#4743
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,983 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	A friend of mine got kidnapped by a gang of mimes. They did unspeakable things to him __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

11-01-23, 06:49 AM	#4744
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

11-01-23, 03:09 PM	#4745
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,983 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	Why is dark spelled with a K? Because you can't C in dark __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

11-02-23, 07:51 AM	#4746
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	What do you call a potato wearing glasses? A spec-tater. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

11-03-23, 08:08 AM	#4747
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	What do you call a moose with no name? Anonymoose. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

11-04-23, 04:57 AM	#4748
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,983 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	My son asked me what it was like being married. I told him to leave me alone. When he did, I asked him why he was ignoring me. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

11-04-23, 07:59 AM	#4749
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Why did the ram run over the cliff? He didn’t see the ewe turn. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

11-05-23, 06:56 AM	#4750
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,983 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	I called the Paranoia Help line They asked me "how did you get this number?" __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

11-05-23, 07:11 AM	#4751
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Why did the picture go to jail? He was framed. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

11-05-23, 01:54 PM	#4752
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,983 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	I don't mean to brag..... But cashiers are always checking me out __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

11-06-23, 04:24 AM	#4753
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	What is a calendar’s favorite food? Dates. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

11-06-23, 08:42 AM	#4754
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,344 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	An elderly man rear-ended a younger man who was driving an expensive European sports car… Enraged, the younger man hops out & confronts the old man. "Look what you did to my car…!!! ”He yells "I demand that you give me $10,000 right now or I'm going to beat you to a pulp!" "Oh my…" the old man said nervously, "I don't have that kind of money.” “ Just let me call my son…,” he said with hope, “he trains dolphins and he will know what to do." "Dolphins..!?!?! Right" the other driver huffed, while rolling his eyes. The old man took out his phone, dialed his son, & just as his son answered, the irate man snatched the phone away from the old man. "So, YOU'RE a dolphin trainer, huh..?!?!” The irate man yelled, “Well, your old man here just rear-ended my car and I need TEN GRAND right now, or I'm going to beat you AND your old man to a pulp…!!" "I'll be there in 10 minutes," says the voice calmly on the other end. Exactly 10 minutes later, a Jeep pulls up and a guy hops out and proceeds to pulverize the bully, leaving him in a heap on the side of the road. When he finished, he walked over to his father and said…. " Dad .for the last time, I train Seals… Navy Seals.” “NOT dolphins..!!” __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

11-06-23, 02:18 PM	#4755
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,983 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	10 years ago, my friend came in to the room crying and saying "it's a boy!" Never visited Thailand again after that __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.