Questions on Australia

[bookworm_020]

Originally Posted by jimbuna

A talking Australian clock


Proudly showing off his newly-leased downtown apartment to a couple of friends late one night, a drunk man led the way to his bedroom where there was a big gong hanging on the wall.
'What's that big brass gong for?' one of the friend's asked.
'Issss nod a gong. Issss a talking Australian clock' he drunkenly replied.
'A talking Australian clock - seriously?'
'Yup.'
'How's it work?' the second friend asked, squinting at it.
'Just watch' he said.
He picked up a hammer, gave the gong an ear-shattering bash and stepped back.
His three mates stood looking at one another for a moment in astounded silence.
Suddenly, an Australian voice from the other side of the wall screamed, 'For f**k's sake, you stupid bas*ard. It's ten past three in the fuc***g morning!'

Surprised that he was still alive after doing it that often!

Originally Posted by nikimcbee

Yes, Wear it on Christmas, or as it is known "down under" Bon Scott Day. This national holiday is mainly focused around heavy drinking. In the Mideval days (before 1980), Aussies used to sacrifice a pommey to Bon Scott (similar to an Aztec sacrifice), but in modern times, they usually just sacrifice a kiwi cricketer.

[Platapus]

Originally Posted by nikimcbee

Yes, Wear it on Christmas, or as it is known "down under" Bon Scott Day. This national holiday is mainly focused around heavy drinking.

And this is different from the other 364 days in Australia in what way?

[TarJak]

Originally Posted by Platapus

And this is different from the other 364 days in Australia in what way?

Mainly just the name.

[Jimbuna]

An Australian ventriloquist visiting New Zealand walks into a small town and sees a local sitting on his porch patting his dog. He figures he'll have a little fun.

Ventriloquist: "G'day bloke! Good looking dog, mate. Mind if I speak to him?"

Kiwi: "The dog doesn't talk, you stupid Aussie."

Ventriloquist: "Hey dog, how's it going old mate?"

Dog: "Doin' alright."

The Kiwi gets a look of extreme shock on his face.

Ventriloquist: "Is this Kiwi your owner?", pointing at the Kiwi.

Dog: "Yep."

Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"

Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play."

The Kiwis expression of disbelief doesn't change.

Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"

Kiwi: "Uh, the horse doesn't talk either...I think."

Ventriloquist: "Hey horse, how's it going?"

Horse: "Cool."

The Kiwi gets even more shocked.

Ventriloquist: "Is this your owner?"

Horse: "Yep."

Ventriloquist: "How's he treat you?"

Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements."

Now the Kiwi has a look of total amazement on his face.

Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"

To which the Kiwi replied, "The sheep's a liar."

[Max2147]

Why wasn't Jesus born in Australia? Because even God couldn't find three wise men and a virgin!

[bookworm_020]

Originally Posted by Max2147

Why wasn't Jesus born in Australia? Because even God couldn't find three wise men and a virgin!

They are fighting words! Watch it or we will let loose the drop bears on you!!!

[TarJak]

I think that one deserves the Yowie!

[Jimbuna]

I was recently turned down on my application for an Australian green card, on account of my criminal record.

Bit f*cking ironic is it not?

[Max2147]

Be sure to watch out for sharks on sidewalks: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/8015205.stm

[Jimbuna]

Not to mention the Drop Bears

[Platapus]

Originally Posted by jimbuna

I was recently turned down on my application for an Australian green card, on account of my criminal record.

What? Because you did not have a criminal record???

[nikimcbee]

Originally Posted by jimbuna

I was recently turned down on my application for an Australian green card, on account of my criminal record.

Bit f*cking ironic is it not?

British criminals unable to go to Australia? Boy, you were born in a wrong age. I'm afraid to ask what the crime was?


I put a crack Rocky McBee research team on it, and 30 seconds later,this is what I found on Scottland Yard's criminal records, regarding a Mr. Buna.

...Lewd dancing!?! Well, you decided, here's the po-lice video:


...and out in public!

[nikimcbee]

Originally Posted by nikimcbee

British criminals unable to go to Australia? Boy, you were born in a wrong age. I'm afraid to ask what the crime was?


I put a crack Rocky McBee research team on it, and 30 seconds later,this is what I found on Scottland Yard's criminal records, regarding a Mr. Buna.

...Lewd dancing!?! Well, you decided, here's the po-lice video:


...and out in public!

...and of course, there was that little incident with the Queen!



All of this was long ago, when Jim had...more hair!

[nikimcbee]

Speaking of Australia, there was the Tarjak/Buna hotel movies while at the Subsim meeting.