The joke thread II - Page 252

Jimbuna · 10-10-22, 08:04 AM

Do you know if you sit on the toilet at 11:59pm and the clock strikes midnight, it’s the same sh!t different day ?

Jimbuna · 10-11-22, 07:08 AM

Just started a business where we weigh tiny objects. It’s a small scale operation.

Jimbuna · 10-12-22, 05:37 AM

My wife just left me for an Indian guy. I think he’ll treat her well because I I heard they worship cows.

Jimbuna · 10-12-22, 08:02 AM

Girlfriend just broke up with me for being too European.

I saw it coming from a kilometre away.

Jimbuna · 10-12-22, 01:52 PM

I heard a really great Coronavirus joke the other day but I don’t want to spread it.

magic452 · 10-12-22, 11:40 PM

A minister, doctor, lawyer, and engineer meet for golf after work. They find themselves stuck behind another group who is moving far too slow, clearly lost in what they're doing, to the point where dark will arrive before they finish their nine holes.

A groundskeeper wanders by, and they flag him over to complain about this group they're stuck behind. The groundskeeper explains, they're a group of blinded veterans, and out of respect the management lets them just go out and hack around for as long as they'd like.

The minister says, "oh that's terrible, I feel horrible for complaining. I will ask my congregation to pray for them." The lawyer says, "yeah, I feel pretty bad about this. I will see if there's any government assistance I can secure for them." The doctor says, "I have a good friend who is a leading ophthalmologist, I can ask if there is anything he can do for any of them."

Then they catch the engineer pondering, clearly confused by the whole situation. He says, "why can't they just play at night?"

Magic

Jimbuna · 10-13-22, 06:22 AM

I’ll never forget my dads last words “Thanks for buying me a rattle snake for my birthday”.

Platapus · 10-13-22, 03:26 PM

I poured some Root Beer into a square glass.

All I have now is beer.

Jimbuna · 10-14-22, 04:02 AM

Just had the Covid vaccine. Anyone know where I can get a Windows 10 upgrade and Office 365? Just had a sudden urge to buy Microsoft software.

Jimbuna · 10-15-22, 02:16 PM

Just found out my toaster isn’t waterproof. I was shocked.

Jimbuna · 10-16-22, 05:21 AM

A man walks into the Doctors wearing only cling film pants.

The Doctor says ” I can clearly see your nuts”

Jimbuna · 10-16-22, 12:59 PM

Just got mugged by an Irish man. He came up to me with a knife and shouted “Give me all your money otherwise you’re geography.”
I said “Don’t you mean history?”
He said “Don’t try and change the subject. “

Jimbuna · 10-17-22, 07:38 AM

I hope the thief who stole my anti-depressants is happy now.

Jimbuna · 10-18-22, 08:42 AM

Scientists have recently discovered that having birthdays is good for your health. The more birthdays you have the longer you live.

Jimbuna · 10-19-22, 04:49 AM

Q. How does Jesus make beer?

A. He brews it

10-10-22, 08:04 AM	#3766
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,754 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Do you know if you sit on the toilet at 11:59pm and the clock strikes midnight, it’s the same sh!t different day ? __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

10-11-22, 07:08 AM	#3767
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,754 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Just started a business where we weigh tiny objects. It’s a small scale operation. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

10-12-22, 05:37 AM	#3768
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,754 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	My wife just left me for an Indian guy. I think he’ll treat her well because I I heard they worship cows. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

10-12-22, 08:02 AM	#3769
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,754 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Girlfriend just broke up with me for being too European. I saw it coming from a kilometre away. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

10-12-22, 01:52 PM	#3770
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,754 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I heard a really great Coronavirus joke the other day but I don’t want to spread it. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

10-12-22, 11:40 PM	#3771
magic452 Sea Lord Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Reno Nevada USA Posts: 1,860 Downloads: 85 Uploads: 0	A minister, doctor, lawyer, and engineer meet for golf after work. They find themselves stuck behind another group who is moving far too slow, clearly lost in what they're doing, to the point where dark will arrive before they finish their nine holes. A groundskeeper wanders by, and they flag him over to complain about this group they're stuck behind. The groundskeeper explains, they're a group of blinded veterans, and out of respect the management lets them just go out and hack around for as long as they'd like. The minister says, "oh that's terrible, I feel horrible for complaining. I will ask my congregation to pray for them." The lawyer says, "yeah, I feel pretty bad about this. I will see if there's any government assistance I can secure for them." The doctor says, "I have a good friend who is a leading ophthalmologist, I can ask if there is anything he can do for any of them." Then they catch the engineer pondering, clearly confused by the whole situation. He says, "why can't they just play at night?" Magic __________________ Reported lost 11 Feb. 1942 Signature by depthtok33l

10-13-22, 06:22 AM	#3772
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,754 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I’ll never forget my dads last words “Thanks for buying me a rattle snake for my birthday”. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

10-13-22, 03:26 PM	#3773
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,995 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	I poured some Root Beer into a square glass. All I have now is beer. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

10-14-22, 04:02 AM	#3774
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,754 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Just had the Covid vaccine. Anyone know where I can get a Windows 10 upgrade and Office 365? Just had a sudden urge to buy Microsoft software. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

10-15-22, 02:16 PM	#3775
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,754 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Just found out my toaster isn’t waterproof. I was shocked. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

10-16-22, 05:21 AM	#3776
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,754 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	A man walks into the Doctors wearing only cling film pants. The Doctor says ” I can clearly see your nuts” __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

10-16-22, 12:59 PM	#3777
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,754 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Just got mugged by an Irish man. He came up to me with a knife and shouted “Give me all your money otherwise you’re geography.” I said “Don’t you mean history?” He said “Don’t try and change the subject. “ __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

10-17-22, 07:38 AM	#3778
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,754 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I hope the thief who stole my anti-depressants is happy now. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

10-18-22, 08:42 AM	#3779
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,754 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Scientists have recently discovered that having birthdays is good for your health. The more birthdays you have the longer you live. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

10-19-22, 04:49 AM	#3780
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,754 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Q. How does Jesus make beer? A. He brews it __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)