The joke thread - Page 233

BossMark · 03-02-13, 12:06 PM

So The Queen has the squirts, eh?

At least she'll get plenty of sympathy from Philip, he's had verbal diarrhoea for as long as anyone can remember.

Jimbuna · 03-02-13, 12:34 PM

My new job mostly involves working from peoples homes. I get well paid and only have to put in a couple of hours a week.

It's great being a burglar.

BossMark · 03-03-13, 07:47 AM

My girlfriend bought me a set of golf clubs for my birthday.

I can't wait for someone to break into my house so that I can try them out.

Jimbuna · 03-03-13, 08:00 AM

For my son's 18th birthday, I took him to a strip club. His mum went mad when she found out.

In fairness, I should've told her we'd be turning up.

BossMark · 03-03-13, 08:03 AM

I placed an online order for my daughters birthday, she wanted One Direction's latest album.

After placing the order, it gave me the recommendation of "People who bought this, also bought a chair and a noose."

Jimbuna · 03-03-13, 08:12 AM

First Korea had "Gangnam style."

Then we had America's "Harlem Shake."

Can't see South Africa's "Taxi Driver drag" taking off though.

BossMark · 03-03-13, 08:23 AM

Meat Pies tested in Iceland contain NO horse meat...or NO meat of ANY kind...

In Iceland, even corruption is environmental-friendly.

Jimbuna · 03-03-13, 08:33 AM

My girlfriend brought me breakfast in bed served on a satellite dish this morning.

Everything was fine except the eggs. They were scrambled.

BossMark · 03-03-13, 12:24 PM

I sued my local Aldi, after I injured my ankle slipping on a fresh dog poop in the store entrance.

I lost the case though. The court didn't accept the idea that there'd be something fresh in Aldi.

Jimbuna · 03-03-13, 12:43 PM

I'm looking for a job as a local tree surgeon.

Unfortunately, there aren't any branches in my area.

Jimbuna · 03-03-13, 01:09 PM

For sale: Two bananas. May split.

BossMark · 03-04-13, 06:27 AM

Now that the Queen has been admitted to hospital, Australian radio DJs have been advised to turn their phones off.

Jimbuna · 03-04-13, 07:31 AM

Prince Charles has no hope of finding out how his mother is. Whenever he rings up the Hospital now they just hang up on him.

BossMark · 03-04-13, 08:55 AM

Another blow for the Royal family about the Queen getting gastroenteritis over the weekend.

They've just heard it's common.

Herr-Berbunch · 03-04-13, 10:13 AM

I got fired today, for downloading porn on the work computer causing everything to crash.

They don't muck around in air traffic control.

03-02-13, 12:06 PM	#3481
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	So The Queen has the squirts, eh? At least she'll get plenty of sympathy from Philip, he's had verbal diarrhoea for as long as anyone can remember. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

03-02-13, 12:34 PM	#3482
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 184,161 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	My new job mostly involves working from peoples homes. I get well paid and only have to put in a couple of hours a week. It's great being a burglar. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-03-13, 07:47 AM	#3483
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	My girlfriend bought me a set of golf clubs for my birthday. I can't wait for someone to break into my house so that I can try them out. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

03-03-13, 08:00 AM	#3484
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 184,161 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	For my son's 18th birthday, I took him to a strip club. His mum went mad when she found out. In fairness, I should've told her we'd be turning up. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-03-13, 08:03 AM	#3485
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	I placed an online order for my daughters birthday, she wanted One Direction's latest album. After placing the order, it gave me the recommendation of "People who bought this, also bought a chair and a noose." __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

03-03-13, 08:12 AM	#3486
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 184,161 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	First Korea had "Gangnam style." Then we had America's "Harlem Shake." Can't see South Africa's "Taxi Driver drag" taking off though. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-03-13, 08:23 AM	#3487
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	Meat Pies tested in Iceland contain NO horse meat...or NO meat of ANY kind... In Iceland, even corruption is environmental-friendly. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

03-03-13, 08:33 AM	#3488
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 184,161 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	My girlfriend brought me breakfast in bed served on a satellite dish this morning. Everything was fine except the eggs. They were scrambled. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-03-13, 12:24 PM	#3489
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	I sued my local Aldi, after I injured my ankle slipping on a fresh dog poop in the store entrance. I lost the case though. The court didn't accept the idea that there'd be something fresh in Aldi. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

03-03-13, 12:43 PM	#3490
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 184,161 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I'm looking for a job as a local tree surgeon. Unfortunately, there aren't any branches in my area. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-03-13, 01:09 PM	#3491
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 184,161 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	For sale: Two bananas. May split. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-04-13, 06:27 AM	#3492
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	Now that the Queen has been admitted to hospital, Australian radio DJs have been advised to turn their phones off. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

03-04-13, 07:31 AM	#3493
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 184,161 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Prince Charles has no hope of finding out how his mother is. Whenever he rings up the Hospital now they just hang up on him. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-04-13, 08:55 AM	#3494
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	Another blow for the Royal family about the Queen getting gastroenteritis over the weekend. They've just heard it's common. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

03-04-13, 10:13 AM	#3495
Herr-Berbunch Kaiser Bill's batman Join Date: May 2010 Location: AN72 Posts: 13,203 Downloads: 76 Uploads: 0	I got fired today, for downloading porn on the work computer causing everything to crash. They don't muck around in air traffic control. __________________