The joke thread - Page 186

Jimbuna · 12-10-12, 03:55 PM

I asked my wife which DVD she would like to watch.

She said, "Let's watch something with a happy ending."

So we watched our wedding video in reverse.

BossMark · 12-10-12, 04:12 PM

Nothing worse than when someone is smoking next to you and you end up stinking of it for the rest of the day.

I hate being a fireman

Jimbuna · 12-10-12, 05:19 PM

What's the difference between a practical joke and a temperature?

Nurses can take a temperature.

BossMark · 12-11-12, 12:34 AM

You can tell that the build up to the 2016 Olympics in Brazil have now started.

People are already throwing money at Rio.

Jimbuna · 12-11-12, 03:43 AM

My mechanic charged me for the air in my new tires.

When I asked him about it, he blamed inflation.

BossMark · 12-11-12, 02:38 PM

Rio Ferdinand is still in shock after getting struck above the eye by a two pence coin.

Being a Premier League footballer, he had no idea monetary denominations came lower than £20 notes.

Jimbuna · 12-11-12, 05:54 PM

The Suicide Hotline is so unreliable. They always leave people hanging.

BossMark · 12-12-12, 05:39 AM

I'm raging about that nurse killing herself over the Royal family radio prank.

It was supposed to be my wife's shift.

Jimbuna · 12-12-12, 02:40 PM

In anticipation of '50 Shades of Grey, the movie', I've made an invention to make me rich.

Guttering for the cinema seats.

BossMark · 12-13-12, 08:32 AM

Even though I work 72 hours a week, my wages don't go very far.

There's a bookies next door.

Jimbuna · 12-13-12, 11:38 AM

My fat wife is going to her works Christmas do tonight and she reckons she might get lucky.

I assume that means someone might drop out and there's a spare dinner.

BossMark · 12-13-12, 11:46 AM

I hate how everyone thinks Rudolph is cute for having a red nose.

Has anyone actually considered that he is an abusive alcoholic?

Jimbuna · 12-13-12, 11:49 AM

I hid my wife's Christmas present in her own drawer.

The one were she keeps all her sexy knickers and stockings that she used to wear.

She'll never think to look in there, ever.

BossMark · 12-13-12, 11:55 AM

I was hitting on this girl earlier when my friend pulled me aside and said "Don't waste your time, she has a boyfriend"

I said, "So what, football teams have goalies, but that doesn't mean you can't score"

Jimbuna · 12-13-12, 12:14 PM

Read an article on herbs earlier. It was about thyme.

12-10-12, 03:55 PM	#2776
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,962 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I asked my wife which DVD she would like to watch. She said, "Let's watch something with a happy ending." So we watched our wedding video in reverse. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

12-10-12, 04:12 PM	#2777
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	Nothing worse than when someone is smoking next to you and you end up stinking of it for the rest of the day. I hate being a fireman __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

12-10-12, 05:19 PM	#2778
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,962 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	What's the difference between a practical joke and a temperature? Nurses can take a temperature. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

12-11-12, 12:34 AM	#2779
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	You can tell that the build up to the 2016 Olympics in Brazil have now started. People are already throwing money at Rio. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

12-11-12, 03:43 AM	#2780
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,962 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	My mechanic charged me for the air in my new tires. When I asked him about it, he blamed inflation. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

12-11-12, 02:38 PM	#2781
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	Rio Ferdinand is still in shock after getting struck above the eye by a two pence coin. Being a Premier League footballer, he had no idea monetary denominations came lower than £20 notes. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

12-11-12, 05:54 PM	#2782
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,962 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	The Suicide Hotline is so unreliable. They always leave people hanging. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

12-12-12, 05:39 AM	#2783
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	I'm raging about that nurse killing herself over the Royal family radio prank. It was supposed to be my wife's shift. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

12-12-12, 02:40 PM	#2784
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,962 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	In anticipation of '50 Shades of Grey, the movie', I've made an invention to make me rich. Guttering for the cinema seats. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

12-13-12, 08:32 AM	#2785
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	Even though I work 72 hours a week, my wages don't go very far. There's a bookies next door. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

12-13-12, 11:38 AM	#2786
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,962 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	My fat wife is going to her works Christmas do tonight and she reckons she might get lucky. I assume that means someone might drop out and there's a spare dinner. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

12-13-12, 11:46 AM	#2787
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	I hate how everyone thinks Rudolph is cute for having a red nose. Has anyone actually considered that he is an abusive alcoholic? __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

12-13-12, 11:49 AM	#2788
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,962 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I hid my wife's Christmas present in her own drawer. The one were she keeps all her sexy knickers and stockings that she used to wear. She'll never think to look in there, ever. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

12-13-12, 11:55 AM	#2789
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	I was hitting on this girl earlier when my friend pulled me aside and said "Don't waste your time, she has a boyfriend" I said, "So what, football teams have goalies, but that doesn't mean you can't score" __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

12-13-12, 12:14 PM	#2790
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,962 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Read an article on herbs earlier. It was about thyme. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)