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07-07-12, 07:51 AM | #2056 |
Commodore
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Location: Augsburg / Germany
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The United Nations initiated a poll with the request, "Please tell us your honest opinion about the lack of food in the rest of the world."
The poll was a total failure. The Russians did not understand "Please". The Italians did not know the word "honest". The Chinese did not know what an "opinion" was. The Europeans did not know "lack", while the***65279; Africans did not know "food". Finally, the Americans didn't know anything about the "rest of the world". |
07-07-12, 07:55 AM | #2057 |
Commodore
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Location: Augsburg / Germany
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Hitler is being driven around as suddenly his chauffeur runs over a pig.
Hitler declares that since he is the Führer he will tell the Farmer. 3 Minutes later Hitler runs for the car as fast as he can while the farmer is shooting at him. As they escape they run over another farmer's pig, now***65279; it's the chauffeur's time. 5 hours later the chauffeur returns utterly plastered and when Hitler aks him what has happened he responds:"I just told them 'Heil Hitler, the sow is dead!" |
07-07-12, 08:11 AM | #2058 |
Eternal Patrol
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If you're going to copy and paste, at least edit the parts that don't translate.
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“Never do anything you can't take back.” —Rocky Russo |
07-07-12, 11:11 AM | #2059 |
Chief of the Boat
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The makers of GoalRef and Hawk-Eye goal-line technology have told Rangers they can't use the system next season.
Apparently it doesn't work with goal posts made from jumpers.
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Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
07-07-12, 11:50 AM | #2060 | |
Mate
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Quote:
yeah, I discovered that AFTER I posted the stupid thing. Feel like a dumba** for that one. But I was in a rush so I didn't have time to edit it so it would reflect that it wasen't true. |
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07-07-12, 11:52 AM | #2061 | |
Eternal Patrol
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Quote:
You had no way of knowing that, though. All in good fun.
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“Never do anything you can't take back.” —Rocky Russo |
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07-07-12, 11:54 AM | #2062 |
Mate
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And now, More jokes.
What safety features do medicine bottles in Florida have? They have Tampa-proof caps. _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_ Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms! |
07-07-12, 11:56 AM | #2063 |
Mate
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When a ladder was stolen from a store the manager said that further steps would be taken..Eh?
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07-07-12, 12:11 PM | #2064 |
Chief of the Boat
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The wife hinted she wanted something special and expensive to put in her bath for her birthday.
This Harrods top of the range toaster should do the trick.
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Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
07-07-12, 03:17 PM | #2065 |
Fleet Admiral
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Hospitals report that the hearts of bankers are in strong demand by transplant patients, because they’ve never been used.
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Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now |
07-07-12, 03:20 PM | #2066 |
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Barclay's have been fined £290million for fixing interest rates. They say they can’t pay because all their money is tied up in a NatWest account.
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Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now |
07-07-12, 04:26 PM | #2067 |
Chief of the Boat
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It cost me a fortune for my wife and kids at Alton Towers today.
They can think again if they think I'm paying the ransom again on the Somali pirate ship.
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
07-08-12, 02:49 AM | #2068 |
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A woman came up behind her husband while he was enjoying his morning coffee and slapped him on the back of the head.
"I found a piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name 'Marylou' written on it," she said, furious. "You had better have an explanation." "Calm down, honey," the man replied. "Remember last week when I was at the dog track? That was the name of the dog I bet on."' The next morning, his wife snuck up on him and smacked him again. "What was that for?" he complained. "Your dog called last night."
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Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now |
07-08-12, 10:26 AM | #2069 |
Chief of the Boat
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"Can you go and get a large screwdriver, I'm trying to fix the door hinge?" My wife asked
"Erm ok, I can do that." I told her before I went downstairs and made myself a pint of vodka and orange juice.
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Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
07-09-12, 06:07 AM | #2070 |
Fleet Admiral
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I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
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Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now |
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