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02-02-20, 07:39 AM | #1516 |
Chief of the Boat
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My young daughter asked me this morning.
“Daddy, what were you and Mummy doing in the bedroom last night, I could hear a buzzing noise, then Mummy started to scream?” “Nothing darling,” I replied. It was then I burst out laughing as my wife walked down the stairs with her half shaved head.
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
02-02-20, 07:40 AM | #1517 |
Chief of the Boat
|
I just can’t seem to get a girlfriend even though I can speak two languages fluently.
English and Klingon.
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
02-03-20, 07:44 AM | #1518 |
Chief of the Boat
|
Wife: Have you emptied the trash tonight?
Husband: Erm no, I’ll do it in the morning. Wife: What about the cat? Husband: I can ask but I think it might be a bit too heavy for him to lift.
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
02-03-20, 07:46 AM | #1519 |
Chief of the Boat
|
My wife just called me.
She said, “Three of the girls in the office have just received some flowers for Valentines Day, they are absolutely gorgeous.” I said, “That’s probably why they’ve received flowers then.”
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
02-04-20, 01:42 PM | #1520 |
Chief of the Boat
|
My friend rang me and asked, “What’re you doing at the moment?”
I said, “Probably failing my driving test.”
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
02-04-20, 01:43 PM | #1521 |
Chief of the Boat
|
Man: You’re a bit fat aren’t you.
Women: Tell me something I don’t know! Man: Salad taste’s nice.
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
02-04-20, 04:41 PM | #1522 |
Fleet Admiral
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Why did the cannibal refuse to eat the man who had no legs?
Perhaps because the cannibal was lack toes intolerant?
__________________
abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right. |
02-05-20, 09:36 AM | #1523 |
Chief of the Boat
|
What do you call a bulletproof Irishman?
Rick O’Shea.
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
02-05-20, 09:39 AM | #1524 |
Chief of the Boat
|
I’ve decided to dedicate my life to getting prostitutes off the streets.
Usually for an hour or so each time.
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
02-06-20, 07:56 AM | #1525 |
Chief of the Boat
|
I forgot to put the seat belt on my five-year-old boy this morning.
As we were leaving the car park, somebody shouted, “You are an irresponsible father!” I said, “Who was that? Stop the car, son.”
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
02-06-20, 07:57 AM | #1526 |
Chief of the Boat
|
Just had the following conversation with my friend who’s gone backpacking in North Korea.
Me: So how’s your holiday in North Korea going? Friend: I literally can’t complain and I’ve willingly decided to stay here for another 10 years without any threats of violence. Goodbye!
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
02-07-20, 07:10 AM | #1527 |
Chief of the Boat
|
Doctor: Don’t eat anything fatty
Me: What? You mean like bacon or burgers? Doctor: No fatty!! Don’t eat anything.
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
02-07-20, 07:12 AM | #1528 |
Chief of the Boat
|
I got one of those Dyson Ball Cleaners for Christmas. Unfortunately, I misunderstood what it was, which is why I’m now in casualty…
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
02-08-20, 08:15 AM | #1529 |
Chief of the Boat
|
I love Jesus. He’s born, I get presents. He dies, I get chocolate. He’s the best.
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
02-08-20, 08:17 AM | #1530 |
Chief of the Boat
|
I finally got my own back for Christmas shopping: I took my girlfriend into eight different pubs without getting a drink and then went back into the first one and bought a pint.
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
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