District court judge rules in favor of phony war heroes

[UnderseaLcpl]

Originally Posted by August

Oh you poor, poor Jarhead. Being under the command of the Navy does you guys absolutely no good.

Well, it does a little good. The Navy has good chow, and they have those stupid Donald Duck outfits that make us look even better by comparison. Still, I'd rather be under the command of the Army. You guys have tons of cool and useful junk we can steal.

Originally Posted by August

You tuck your pant legs into your boots to keep bugs, snakes and dirt from getting into your pants which may limit your ability to kill people.

That sounds like it would just get dirt and bugs into your boots. Then again, you fought in a totally different theater, presumably with less baby-powder sand. If you blouse your trousers properly just below the top of your boots, pull your socks up as high as they will go, and cinch your boots tight rather than tie them, you won't have any problems.

Originally Posted by August

It looks sharp too which is one more reason why the wimmens prefer Soldiers.

whatever helps..... oh wait, you said "wimmens". For a second there, I thought you meant "women". What are wimmens, anyway? Some kind of drag queen?

In any case, the Army today must be doing something a lot different now, because their method of sticking their trouser legs into their boots looks like absolute ass. They have an annoying tendency to leave their laces untucked, as well.

[August]

Originally Posted by UnderseaLcpl

They have an annoying tendency to leave their laces untucked, as well.

You might be right. Untucked laces would drive my old Team Sergeant absolutely wild. He ranked what he called "butterfly ties" right up there with Communism as threats to the American way of life.

[frau kaleun]

Actually most women I know prefer the guys who don't spend more time getting dressed and fiddling with their outfits than they do, so it sounds kinda like you all lose on this one.

Personally I prefer the ones who can teach me the most ways to kill someone with my bare hands, but then I've always been a little bit... special.

[ETR3(SS)]

Originally Posted by frau kaleun

Actually most women I know prefer the guys who don't spend more time getting dressed and fiddling with their outfits than they do, so it sounds kinda like you all lose on this one.

This is why the 13 button dress blue pants are the best form of birth control available to a sailor, whether he wants it or not.

[UnderseaLcpl]

Originally Posted by frau kaleun

Personally I prefer the ones who can teach me the most ways to kill someone with my bare hands, but then I've always been a little bit... special.

Then I still win. Bare hands, forearms, legs, E-tool, slash wire, rifle butt, radio battery, you name it, I can kill or at least incapacitate somebody with it. In theory I know how to kill a tank with a WP grenade and a rock. Also, I'm on a horse.

Originally Posted by August

You might be right. Untucked laces would drive my old Team Sergeant absolutely wild. He ranked what he called "butterfly ties" right up there with Communism as threats to the American way of life.

Oh, then he'd get along well with my former First Sergeant. He insisted that everyone's combat load be configured exactly the same. Doesn't matter if you're left-handed, a machine gunner, a driver, a heavy-weapons bubba, or in my case, a left-handed SAW-gunner and driver....whatever. Ever hear of "shooter's comfort"? He hadn't. His view was that if the insurgents saw us piling out of a truck and every guy looked the exact same as his buddy, they'd crap themselves and run in the face of what I suppose he imagined was an indomitable tide of human discipline. Naturally, they didn't, they just blew the crap out of us from hundreds of meters away with radio-controlled explosives. And God help you if you had laces hanging out. I'm pretty sure he would have court-martialed a dismembered foot if it somehow became detatched from the boot bands it was tucked into.

[Weiss Pinguin]

Originally Posted by UnderseaLcpl

Then I still win. Bare hands, forearms, legs, E-tool, slash wire, rifle butt, radio battery, you name it, I can kill or at least incapacitate somebody with it. In theory I know how to kill a tank with a WP grenade and a rock. Also, I'm on a horse.

But first you need two tickets to that thing she likes

[frau kaleun]

Originally Posted by UnderseaLcpl

Then I still win. Bare hands, forearms, legs, E-tool, slash wire, rifle butt, radio battery, you name it, I can kill or at least incapacitate somebody with it. In theory I know how to kill a tank with a WP grenade and a rock. Also, I'm on a horse.

Originally Posted by Weiss Penguin

But first you need two tickets to that thing she likes

Bonus points if he can show me how to kill someone with the tickets.

[UnderseaLcpl]

Originally Posted by frau kaleun

Bonus points if he can show me how to kill someone with the tickets.

That's easy.

Look at your man, now back to me, now look at your man, now back to me. Fortunately, he isn't me, because I'd hate to be killed by tickets. I have two tickets to that thing you love. Grab them before they turn into diamonds.

Now you're on a boat with the man who could smell who could smell like the guy in the Old Spice commercial. Pretend to kiss him, and then step around behind him when he closes his eyes whilst kicking the back of his knee. Either knee will work. Place your left arm arm underneath his left armpit to deny him leverage. Place your right arm around his neck but above his right shoulder and grab your right wrist with your left hand and push inwards. Use the leverage to exert pressure on the artery in his neck. If he starts coughing, you're doing it wrong and you need to go higher.because you're choking hm to death. If you do it right, his brain will shut down due to oxygen deprivation in about 8 seconds. Then you can open his mouth, fold up the tickets, into a paper-football-type shape, reach down his throat, and wedge them into the space between his epiglottis and and the back of his throat. That's the physical way.

[Weiss Pinguin]

Bonus points if you do it on a horse. Or to a horse.

[frau kaleun]

Originally Posted by Weiss Pinguin

Bonus points if you do it on a horse. Or to a horse.

Please note, only Weiss Penguin is offering bonus points for doing it on a horse.

I don't know who's giving out points for doing it to a horse. The horse, perhaps?

[frau kaleun]

Originally Posted by UnderseaLcpl

That's easy.

Look at your man, now back to me, now look at your man, now back to me. Fortunately, he isn't me, because I'd hate to be killed by tickets. I have two tickets to that thing you love. Grab them before they turn into diamonds.

Now you're on a boat with the man who could smell who could smell like the guy in the Old Spice commercial. Pretend to kiss him, and then step around behind him when he closes his eyes whilst kicking the back of his knee. Either knee will work. Place your left arm arm underneath his left armpit to deny him leverage. Place your right arm around his neck but above his right shoulder and grab your right wrist with your left hand and push inwards. Use the leverage to exert pressure on the artery in his neck. If he starts coughing, you're doing it wrong and you need to go higher.because you're choking hm to death. If you do it right, his brain will shut down due to oxygen deprivation in about 8 seconds.

Well now that's just a standard sleeper hold.

I was really hoping for something where you origami'd the tickets into a miniature katana and then shivved him in the brain through an eye socket. Creativity counts!

Then you can open his mouth, fold up the tickets, into a paper-football-type shape, reach down his throat, and wedge them into the space between his epiglottis and and the back of his throat. That's the physical way.

I suppose the non-physical way of killing a man with the tickets would be to make sure they're for a showing of Sex And The City 2 and then force him to go with you.

[Weiss Pinguin]

Originally Posted by frau kaleun

I suppose the non-physical way of killing a man with the tickets would be to make sure they're for a showing of Sex And The City 2 and then force him to go with you.

Or twilight

[Ducimus]

Originally Posted by UnderseaLcpl

Also, I'm on a horse.

.

Which means nothing unless your a Horseman!



Nothing is more Manly then being sweaty, dirty, wearing a hard hat, a tool belt, a rifle slung across your back, and operating heavy equipment!

We're kick ass enough to an air assault division.


And were so bad ass, someone named a Beer after us!




Hoo Rah!

[frau kaleun]

C'mon guys, get serious.

We need to establish the precise amount of time it takes a dude from each of branch of the armed services* to get in and out of uniform.

That way I can keep a list of said info and pass it around to every lady I know. Then if one of us ever encounters someone who is clearly only pretending to be what he says he is, she can reveal him to the world as a fraud and a liar. Disparaging remarks with regard to equipment, skill rating, and endurance under stress will be included free of charge.



*Not including the Air Force. We have standards.

[Ducimus]

Originally Posted by frau kaleun

*Not including the Air Force. We have standards.

Ohhh... way to ruin my fun.