Important information to all US citizens

[Schroeder]

I just found this on the sturmovik.de site:

** Important, please read thoroughly! **

To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty
Queen Elizabeth II :

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates
for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give
notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. Her
Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over
all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy).

Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for America without
the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire
may be circulated next year to determine
whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following
rules are introduced with immediate effect: (You should look up 'revocation' in the
Oxford English Dictionary.)

1. Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be
amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,'
'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut'
without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced
by the suffix '-ise'. Generally, you will be expected to raise your
vocabulary to acceptable levels. (Look up 'vocabulary.')

3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such
as 'like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of
communication. There is no such thing as US English. We will let M*crosoft
know on your behalf. The M*crosoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take
into account the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize.

4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or
therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows
that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for
shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or
speaking to a therapist then you're not ready to shoot grouse.

6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more
dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish
to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

7. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start
driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you
will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion
tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the
British sense of humour.

8. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been
calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.

9. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries
are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are
properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and
dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

10. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually
beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred
to as
beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred
to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable as they are pound for
pound the greatest sporting Nation on earth and it can only be due to the
beer. They are also part of British Commonwealth - see what it did for
them. American 'beer' brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine,
so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

11. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good
guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play
English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in
Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears
removed with a cheese grater.

12. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of
proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in
time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American
football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or
wearing full Kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). Don't try
Rugby - the South Africans and Kiwis will thrash you, like they regularly thrash us.


13. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host
an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of
America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your
borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will
let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their
deliveries.

14. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

15. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's
Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all
monies due (backdated to 1776).

16. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups, with saucers,
and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus
strawberries (with cream) when in season.

God Save the Queen!

:rotfl::rotfl:

I hope you won't shoot me for this (both US and UK guys).

[Platapus]

I am all for number 4, but that is only because I am an anal-retentive Obsessive-compulsive history geek

[Raptor1]

I have no problem with any of this...except...

5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or
therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows
that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for
shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or
speaking to a therapist then you're not ready to shoot grouse.

You barbarians, how dare you rule out guns when it comes to resolving personal issues?!?!?!

[Platapus]

17. If you wish to enjoy the taste of a scone you must first learn how to properly pronounce it. The word scone rhymes with gone, not with stone.

My maternal grandmother used to get so upset when we mispronounced it.

[McBeck]

Hahahahaha

[Sailor Steve]

It gets posted every now and then. Last time was only a few months ago. Still funny though.

Originally Posted by Platapus

17. If you wish to enjoy the taste of a scone you must first learn how to properly pronounce it. The word scone rhymes with gone, not with stone.

My maternal grandmother used to get so upset when we mispronounced it.

I never knew that. Still, it's hardly going to change now. One more language division between us.

[STEED]

America under our rule. :hmm:

Nah, I just can not see it.

[Seth8530]

ROFL, at number 12. That is only funny because we got new helmets in during spring practice that have the same interiors of Paratrooper Jump Helmets.

[August]

16 reasons why ditching Parliament and crazy King George was a good thing IMO.

Can you imagine life under royal government? Extra vowels littering the literary countryside. Being constantly corrected on the proper pronunciation of words like "scone" (which BTW was stolen from the Dutch word "schoonbrood") when "biscuit" does the job just fine. I'm surprised it took as long as it did to send the Lobsterbacks packing.

[seafarer]

Originally Posted by Schroeder

I just found this on the stumovik.de site:

** Important, please read thoroughly! **

To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty
Queen Elizabeth II :

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates
for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give
notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. Her
Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over
all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy).

:hmm: err, except that there is nothing for you to actually, well, revoke?! You did not grant the USofA independence, they beat your imperialistic army to a squishy pulp and sent it back across the pond in utter, shameful defeat. With the French at their side taunting you like a in a . :rotfl:

[rifleman13]

Found it!

In all of its entirety...
http://forum.sturmovik.de/index.php?...2515#msg302515

Number 9: That's the point of French fries! TOTAL DEVIATION!

[XabbaRus]

Yea but ironically it was with French support you beat us.
BTW sonce and biscuit are two different things.

[StdDev]

Originally Posted by XabbaRus

Yea but ironically it was with French support you beat us.
BTW sonce and biscuit are two different things.

Hmmmm.. In that case, what seafarer ment to say was "beat ya like a rented mule" ! :p

whats a "sonce"?

[August]

Originally Posted by StdDev

Hmmmm.. In that case, what seafarer ment to say was "beat ya like a rented mule" ! :p

whats a "sonce"?

An English misspelling of the word "schoonbrood"...

[StdDev]

Originally Posted by August

An English misspelling of the word "schoonbrood"...

Ah... I was thinking maybe it was a misspelling of sconce.. which is a light fixture.. and it would be hard to argue that a light fixture and a biscuit are NOT two different things.. at least here in 'Merica..