First message from U-502 (Balz)

Brag · 10-21-07, 03:31 PM

First Officer of U-%02, Otto Kalb writes:

14 August 1941

When we left Lorient on 03 August, we all thought this was going to be a peachy patrol in our spanking new type IXC boat.

Everything was going well and Balz, our captain, was in an exceptionally good mood. enroute to our patrol area, we met an armed Large freighter and sunk it with one eel. Later that morning, we went to full speed ahead to intercept a convoy, with the choir singing: Einz Zwei, Hoochie-Woochie.

The attack went splendidly, two eels, two ships. The captain sent one bottle of schnapps fur ein kleiner schlughen for the crew.

Again, we raced to Balz the convoy during the night.

Perfect approach. The convoy is mostly garbage small ships but Balz spots 2 large freighter. He sends one torp with zero gyro angle at a large freighter 2,000 meters away. Swings the periscope to starboard. "Range 1,700 meters, speed 5 knots. depth 11.5 meters, magnetic on."

He waits a few seconds. "Feur, zwei!"
"Both engines ahead full. Chief, taker down to one fice zero, new heading 320.
We're doing the wiggle-waggle." Balz takes the stop watch out of my hands. "Einz, Zwei, hochie-woochie"

"Torpedo treffer!" The soundman shouts.
"Hoochie-woochie!"
Balz begins to do his Gebalzed Schiff dance. "einz-zwei, boom-boom."

He then halts and looks at the stopwatch. "Kein, boom-bomm." His severe glance roams the Zentralle. "Warum kein boom-boom?"

He pounds the chart table. "A perfect kiel-ripping magnetic and no boom-boom."

"The torpedo missed, Herr Kaleun."
"Kwatch, I the great Balz, fired it myself!"
We can now hear the thumping chug-chug of the big stacker laboring against heavy seas 60 meters overhead.
"Ahead slow, heading two niner zero. Blast, Donner in Himmel. Kein boom-boom!"
I tried to explain that possibly a big wave lifted the target.

"Nein. It's the gods of war who want to humiliate the greatest submariner the world has ever seen. The little bastards are envious of me."

When clear of the convoy and surfaced, Balz told the Funker. "Message to PM Churchill. I, the Great Balz, will cease warlike activities for three days to give you an opportunity to honourably surrender. Should you not accept my magnanimous offer, your merchant fleet is history. I shall not miss again!

3 days passed and no message from Churchil came. Another three days went by without contacts. Balz refused to eat.

100 kilometres southeast of Cape Sao Vicente. A large merchant came from behind and was 1,200 meters away when I looked at the scope. "Herr Kaleun hurry!"

Balz stayed in his bunk. "Sink the bugger, Herr Leutnant."

Without time to calculate a targeting solution, I fired and hit the ship right between holds one and two.

"We Balzed it, Herr Kaleun!" I announced.
"Good," Balz said. "I don't have to get out of bed to sink Tommies. Einz, zwei, hoochie-woochie."

sunvalleyslim · 10-22-07, 06:57 PM

Brag,
I see now that you are the First Officer Otto Kalb on U-502. Reporting on Herr Balz through Otto. Are you changing tactics, and distancing yourself from Herr Balz?

Brag · 10-22-07, 08:07 PM

Not distancing, Kalb reports with a different point of view, which we would not see if we read only Balz's reports.

NiclDoe · 10-23-07, 05:44 AM

Balz is so happy for the new boat I take it.

I say some times hes a show off and will get a bounty over his head some time later.

sunvalleyslim · 10-23-07, 12:14 PM

AHH, so Otto may not be in love with Kapt. Balz as he (Balz) is in himself...........Let us hope so. Maybe Otto can show Balzs slight deficiencies......

U49 · 10-23-07, 12:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brag

First Officer of U-%02, Otto Kalb writes:

Another balzism... and now from the always loyal and obedient fellow of every U-boot commander.

Another point of view???? :hmm: Okaaaaayyyyyyy :rotfl:

Stealth Hunter · 10-23-07, 06:07 PM

Posting the words "hoochie-woochie" has made me stick one more needle in my arm.

I cannot bear this any longer. IT MUST STOP. THOSE WORDS HAUNT ME AT NIGHT. I S*BEEP* YOU NOT!! PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, QUIT SAYING THEM!!

Zero Niner · 10-24-07, 02:30 AM

Say what? Hoochie woochie?

Petsman · 10-24-07, 03:41 AM

A great captain always know how to use the First Officer as a secretary!!!!!

Keep hunting Balz....

headcase · 10-24-07, 04:21 AM

I'm worried about Balz. Not eating, no mention of the robes, an unenthused hoochie-woochie... And when did he last write a new song? Could the Great Balz be near the end?

U49 · 10-24-07, 03:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by headcase

Could the Great Balz be near the end?

Heros never die, they are just to busy to be present in the media. I think Balz is just busy reordering his decorations in the appropriate order for the next propaganda picture film standing next to Dönitz??

Morts · 10-24-07, 03:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by headcase

Could the Great Balz be near the end?

hopefully

U49 · 10-24-07, 03:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Morts

hopefully

Would you show the last honor and carry the coffin to the grave?

Morts · 10-24-07, 04:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by U49

Quote:

Originally Posted by Morts

hopefully

Would you show the last honor and carry the coffin to the grave?

no
Balz is so annoying id rather take a leak on it:rotfl:

Brag · 10-25-07, 07:08 PM

Balz will be back shortly :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

10-21-07, 03:31 PM	#1
Brag Navy Seal Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Docked on a Russian pond Posts: 7,072 Downloads: 2 Uploads: 0	First message from U-502 (Balz) First Officer of U-%02, Otto Kalb writes: 14 August 1941 When we left Lorient on 03 August, we all thought this was going to be a peachy patrol in our spanking new type IXC boat. Everything was going well and Balz, our captain, was in an exceptionally good mood. enroute to our patrol area, we met an armed Large freighter and sunk it with one eel. Later that morning, we went to full speed ahead to intercept a convoy, with the choir singing: Einz Zwei, Hoochie-Woochie. The attack went splendidly, two eels, two ships. The captain sent one bottle of schnapps fur ein kleiner schlughen for the crew. Again, we raced to Balz the convoy during the night. Perfect approach. The convoy is mostly garbage small ships but Balz spots 2 large freighter. He sends one torp with zero gyro angle at a large freighter 2,000 meters away. Swings the periscope to starboard. "Range 1,700 meters, speed 5 knots. depth 11.5 meters, magnetic on." He waits a few seconds. "Feur, zwei!" "Both engines ahead full. Chief, taker down to one fice zero, new heading 320. We're doing the wiggle-waggle." Balz takes the stop watch out of my hands. "Einz, Zwei, hochie-woochie" "Torpedo treffer!" The soundman shouts. "Hoochie-woochie!" Balz begins to do his Gebalzed Schiff dance. "einz-zwei, boom-boom." He then halts and looks at the stopwatch. "Kein, boom-bomm." His severe glance roams the Zentralle. "Warum kein boom-boom?" He pounds the chart table. "A perfect kiel-ripping magnetic and no boom-boom." "The torpedo missed, Herr Kaleun." "Kwatch, I the great Balz, fired it myself!" We can now hear the thumping chug-chug of the big stacker laboring against heavy seas 60 meters overhead. "Ahead slow, heading two niner zero. Blast, Donner in Himmel. Kein boom-boom!" I tried to explain that possibly a big wave lifted the target. "Nein. It's the gods of war who want to humiliate the greatest submariner the world has ever seen. The little bastards are envious of me." When clear of the convoy and surfaced, Balz told the Funker. "Message to PM Churchill. I, the Great Balz, will cease warlike activities for three days to give you an opportunity to honourably surrender. Should you not accept my magnanimous offer, your merchant fleet is history. I shall not miss again! 3 days passed and no message from Churchil came. Another three days went by without contacts. Balz refused to eat. 100 kilometres southeast of Cape Sao Vicente. A large merchant came from behind and was 1,200 meters away when I looked at the scope. "Herr Kaleun hurry!" Balz stayed in his bunk. "Sink the bugger, Herr Leutnant." Without time to calculate a targeting solution, I fired and hit the ship right between holds one and two. "We Balzed it, Herr Kaleun!" I announced. "Good," Balz said. "I don't have to get out of bed to sink Tommies. Einz, zwei, hoochie-woochie." __________________ Espionage, adventure, suspense, are just a click away Click here to look inside Brag's book: Amazon.com: Kingmaker: Alexey Braguine: Books Order Kingmaker here: http://www.subsim.com/store.html For Tactics visit:http://www.freewebs.com/kielman/

10-22-07, 06:57 PM	#2
sunvalleyslim Ace of the Deep Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Los Angeles, Ca Posts: 1,142 Downloads: 267 Uploads: 0	Brag, I see now that you are the First Officer Otto Kalb on U-502. Reporting on Herr Balz through Otto. Are you changing tactics, and distancing yourself from Herr Balz? __________________ Crew member/ decommission member TM2(SS)(SD) 3/68-7/70 DIESEL BOATS FOREVER USS SEGUNDO (SS398)

10-22-07, 08:07 PM	#3
Brag Navy Seal Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Docked on a Russian pond Posts: 7,072 Downloads: 2 Uploads: 0	Not distancing, Kalb reports with a different point of view, which we would not see if we read only Balz's reports. __________________ Espionage, adventure, suspense, are just a click away Click here to look inside Brag's book: Amazon.com: Kingmaker: Alexey Braguine: Books Order Kingmaker here: http://www.subsim.com/store.html For Tactics visit:http://www.freewebs.com/kielman/

10-23-07, 05:44 AM	#4
NiclDoe Grey Wolf Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: In the Air or hiding from Black Swans Posts: 760 Downloads: 6 Uploads: 0	Balz is so happy for the new boat I take it. I say some times hes a show off and will get a bounty over his head some time later. __________________ The Crazy Wolf

10-23-07, 12:14 PM	#5
sunvalleyslim Ace of the Deep Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Los Angeles, Ca Posts: 1,142 Downloads: 267 Uploads: 0	AHH, so Otto may not be in love with Kapt. Balz as he (Balz) is in himself...........Let us hope so. Maybe Otto can show Balzs slight deficiencies...... __________________ Crew member/ decommission member TM2(SS)(SD) 3/68-7/70 DIESEL BOATS FOREVER USS SEGUNDO (SS398)

10-23-07, 06:07 PM	#7
Stealth Hunter Silent Hunter Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Y'ha-Nthlei Posts: 4,262 Downloads: 19 Uploads: 0	Posting the words "hoochie-woochie" has made me stick one more needle in my arm. I cannot bear this any longer. IT MUST STOP. THOSE WORDS HAUNT ME AT NIGHT. I SBEEP YOU NOT!! PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, QUIT SAYING THEM!!

10-24-07, 02:30 AM	#8
Zero Niner Ace of the Deep Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 1,033 Downloads: 69 Uploads: 0	Say what? Hoochie woochie?

10-24-07, 03:41 AM	#9
Petsman Gunner Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Everywhere Posts: 91 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	A great captain always know how to use the First Officer as a secretary!!!!! Keep hunting Balz.... __________________ Chances favour the prepared mind! GWX 3.0 SH3 Commander 3.2@94% Realism.

10-24-07, 04:21 AM	#10
headcase Sparky Join Date: May 2007 Location: The wrong side of the tracks, Neverland Posts: 157 Downloads: 9 Uploads: 0	I'm worried about Balz. Not eating, no mention of the robes, an unenthused hoochie-woochie... And when did he last write a new song? Could the Great Balz be near the end? __________________ It's like the Blues. You can't play em if you haven't lived em. GWX 3.0 DID

10-25-07, 07:08 PM	#15
Brag Navy Seal Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Docked on a Russian pond Posts: 7,072 Downloads: 2 Uploads: 0	Balz will be back shortly :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: __________________ Espionage, adventure, suspense, are just a click away Click here to look inside Brag's book: Amazon.com: Kingmaker: Alexey Braguine: Books Order Kingmaker here: http://www.subsim.com/store.html For Tactics visit:http://www.freewebs.com/kielman/