Amusing Military Quotes

[SteamWake]

WISDOM - FROM THE MILITARY

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'If the enemy is in range, so are you.'

- Infantry Journal

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'It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.'

-US.Air Force Manual

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'Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered20automatic weapons'

- General Mac Arthur

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'You, you, and you ... Panic. The rest of you, come with me.'

- U.S. Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt.

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'Tracers work both ways.'-U.S. Army Ordnance

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'Five second fuses only last three seconds.' - Infantry Journal

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'Any ship can be a minesweeper. Once.'

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'Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do'

- Unknown Marine Recruit

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'If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him.'

-USAFAmmo Troop

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'Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death , I Shall Fear No Evil.

For I am at 50,000 Feet and Climbing.'

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'You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3.'

- Paul F. Crickmore (test pilot)

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'The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.'

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'If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter

-- and therefore, unsafe.'

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'When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have

enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.'

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'Even withammunition, the USAFis just another expensive flying club.'

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'What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots?

If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies;

If ATC screws up, .... The pilot dies.'

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'Never trade luck for skill.'

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The three most common expressions (or famous last words),

in aviation are:

'Why is it doing that?'

'Where are we?'

And

'Oh S...!'

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'Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.'

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'Mankind has a perfect record in aviation;

we have never left one up there!'

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'Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight

to a person on the ground incapable of understanding

or doing anything about it.'

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'The Pipe r Cub is the safest airplane in the world;it can just barely kill you.'

- Attributed to Max Stanley(Northrop test pilot)

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Airman, maintain thy air speed lest the earth rise up and smite you!

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'There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime.'

Sign over squadron ops desk atDavis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970

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'If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to.'

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'You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it

takes full power to taxi to the terminal.'

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As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn

off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives;

the rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks,'What happened?'

The pilot's reply: 'I don't know, I just got here myself!'

-Attributed to Ray Crandell(Lockheed test pilot)

[Task Force]

Some good quotes in there:rotfl:

[SteamWake]

Originally Posted by Task Force

Some good quotes in there:rotfl:

Yea pretty funny stuff. Sorry about the formatting but Im to lazy to go fix it :rotfl:

[Raptor1]

That quote about 50,000 feet and climbing is actually 80,000 feet and it was written inside an SR-71 base (Or, that's what I heard, at least)

[Arclight]

Reminds me of the drill-sergeant from Full Metal Jacket barking at the grunts. Some hilarious stuff. :rotfl:

[sharkbit]

My favorite on your list:

'If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter

-- and therefore, unsafe.'

[Sailor Steve]

I've heard some of those before. They're all good ones.

Robert J. Serling, in his book The Probable Cause, quotes the story of an airline captain who is asked by a passenger if he's more careful when carrying a full load than when he only has, as in this case, a handful on board. His reply? "No offense, ma'am, but it doesn't matter if I'm hauling cargo and have no passengers at all. There's only one person I'm interested in getting there in one piece. The rest of you are just along for the ride."

My dad once told me "Passengers never realize that the airliner is designed so the part with the pilot in it hits the ground first."

'Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons'- General Mac Arthur

Every time I read that I have to remember that MacArthur's career was ended by the stroke of a pen.

[Max2147]

Some other good ones:

"It is better to be on the ground wishing you were in the air than in the air wishing you were on the ground." - Anonymous

"My center is giving way, my right is in retreat, situation excellent. I attack." - French general Foch at the Battle of the Marne

"We're surrounded. That simplifies our problem of getting to these people and killing them." - US general Chesty Puller during the Korean War

"Don't crash. The paperwork is monumental." - Anonymous

Not a quote, but a story: An F-15 pilot is escorting a C-130 on a long mission. The F-15 pilot gets bored, so he pulls in front of the C-130 and does a couple beautiful slow rolls. He then pulls back into formation and radios the C-130 pilot, "I bet you can't do that in your plane!" The C-130 pilot immediately responds, "Yeah, but I bet you can't do this!"

Curious, the F-15 pilot replies "Go ahead." He pulls back and watches the C-130, but the Hercules keeps flying along straight in level flight. After a couple minutes, the C-130 pilot comes back on the radio and says "There!" The confused F-15 pilot replies "What's so special about flying straight and level? Any plane can do that!" The C-130 pilot replies "Yeah, but I just went to the back and took a dump in the toilet."

[Sailor Steve]

I heard that one too, except when I heard it it was "took a leak and made a cup of coffee."

[Fr8monkey]

Not a famous quote but when I was in basic training for the USAF, the Drill instructor got in my face and asked me,

"You should be in the Army, boy! What the hell are you doing in my Air Force??"

I replied,

"I joined the Air Force because the enemy shoots at the Officers, sir!"

Got me some chuckles and in a lot of trouble!

[Sailor Steve]

That's why the Air Force has the smartest enlisted men. When it all comes down, only in the Air Force do the enlisted men send their officers off to fight and die.

[Raptor1]

I remember one from the Battle of Waterloo when Lord Uxbridge's leg was crushed by a cannonball, he said to Wellington "By God, sir, I've lost my leg!", To which Wellington replied "By God, sir, so you have!".

[SteamWake]

"A soldier brave and not un used to wars alarms, a cannonball took off his legs and he laid down his arms"

[Oberon]

"Do not touch anything unnecessarily. Beware of pretty girls in dance halls and parks who may be spies, as well as bicycles, revolvers, uniforms, arms, dead horses, and men lying on roads -- they are not there accidentally."
Soviet infantry manual, issued in the 1930's

One of the serious problems in planning the fight against American doctrine, is that the Americans do not read their manuals, nor do they feel any obligation to follow their doctrine...
- From a Soviet Junior Lt's Notebook

"The best tank terrain is that without anti-tank weapons."
-Russian military doctrine.

...At a prewar diplomatic conference, the Nazi Foreign Minister Ribbentrop "sniffed" to Eden and Churchill that if there was another war, the Italians would be on Germany's side!
To which Churchill supposedly replied: "that seems only fair, we had them last time!"...


"The reason the American Army does so well in wartime, is that war is chaos, and the American Army practices it on a daily basis."
- from a post-war debriefing of a German General


Pearl Harbour Radio Operator: "Is there anything that we can provide?"
Response from Marine Commander on Wake Island: "Send us more Japs!"
.... Said to be one of the last radio transmissions received from the Marines on Wake Island before it fell to the Japanese, 1941.


In 1836, the Creek and Seminole Indian tribes in Georgia and Florida were waging war against the United States. The U. S. Army had its hands full. The Fifth Commandant of the Marine Corps offered the services of a regiment of Marines for duty with the Army. Henderson placed himself in command and, taking virtually the entire available strength of the Corps, left for the extended campaign after tacking a terse message on his office door which read:
"Have gone to Florida to fight Indians.
Will be back when War is over.
A. Henderson
Col. Commandant"

The best armor is staying out of gun-shot.
-Italian proverb

Funny Quotes From Bumper Stickers

There is no problem that cannot be solved by the use of high explosives.
- Bumper Sticker
You can have my gun when you pry it from my paranoid, mentally disturbed, physically-abusive, cold, dead hand.
- Bumper sticker
"Don't tell mom I'm a pilot, she thinks I play piano in a whorehouse"
- Bumper sticker

Funny Uknown Quotes
Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn
- Unknown
Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for
- Unknown
A nuclear war can ruin your whole day
- Unknown
Draft beer, not people
- Unknown
"The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step, and a lot of bitching."
-Unknown
"Artillery is the King of battle: the King cannot
swim, however, which is why we need you guys."
(USMC arty specialist to a group of Navy officers in an Amphib
Warfare Indoc course.)

Funny Latin Quotes

Interdum feror cupidine partium magnarum Europae vincendarum
Sometimes I get this urge to conquer large parts of Europe.

Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscript catapultas habebunt.
When catapults are outlawed, only outlaws will have catapults

Catapultam habeo. Nisi pecuniam omnem mihi dabis, ad caput tuum saxum immane mittam.
I have a catapult. Give me all the money, or I will fling an enormous rock at your head

Funny Quotes about Air planes and Aircrafts

"Airplanes can barely keep themselves in the air. How can they then carry any kind of load?"
- William Pickering, Astronomer (1908)

"Airplanes suffers from so many technical faults that it is only a matter of time before any reasonable man realizes that they are useless!"
- Scientific American (1910)

"No flying machine will ever fly from New York to Paris."
- Orville Wright.

"Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value."
- Marshal Ferdinand Foch [Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre] (circa 1911)
He was Supreme Commander of Allied forces, 1918

"Aviation is good for sport, but for the Army it is useless!"
- Marshal Ferdinand Foch

"To throw bombs from an airplane will do as much damage as throwing bags of flour. It will be my pleasure to stand on the bridge of any ship while it is attacked by airplanes."
- Newton Baker, US minister of defense (1921)

Funny Submarine quotes
"Yes, it is possible!"
-William Bourne, English inventor. (1578) He also points out that submarines can be an effective weapon in wartime.

"The only thing that will happen is that the vessel will sink, and suffocate the crew"
- H. G. Wells, English writer(1902) (Submarines had been used since ca. 1850)

"Even if a submarine should work by a miracle, it will never be used. No country in this world would ever use such a vicious and petty form of warfare!"
- William Henderson, British admiral(1914)

Funny Quotes about Radio Communication
"If two people can't see each other, then it's impossible to communicate"
- Unknown roman warfare expert (63 ad.)

"Samuel Morse most have lost his mind if he believes in this idea himself!"
- Senator Oliver Hampton Smith, (1842)

after having seen a demonstration of Morse's new invention.
"It is only righteous that Joshua Coppersmiths, who has tried to find investors to finance the development of a so-called telephone, is arrested for fraud!"
- An article in the Boston Post (1865)

"The radio has no future!"
- Lord Kelvin, British Mathematician(1897)

"Use your time on something useful. All radios this country will ever need can easily fit on my desk!"
- W.W. Dean, director of the American phone company "W.W. Dean"(1907), to Lee DeForrest (one of radios first pioneers)

"Radio is just a fashion contrivance that will soon die out. It is obvious that there never will be invented a proper receiver!"
- Thomas Edison

"The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?"
- David Sarnoff's associates in response to his urgings for investment in the radio in the 1920s

[Letum]

The best I can come up with:

The key to attacking ground targets is to maintain the altitude advantage.