Lady in red (racy joke)

GoldenRivet · 03-27-09, 10:01 AM

warning - i cleaned it up the best i could

======================

A man walks into a bar and sees a beautiful lady in a red dress sitting at the bar a few stools down the way.

realizing the man's obvious interest, the lady in red walks over and sits next to him and whispers in his ear "I'll give you the best hand job you've ever had for $250."

the man says "$250!!?? you've lost your mind how do you justify such a price?"

the lady in red points out the window and says "see that Porsche sitting in the parking lot? its mine, and i purchased it in cash with hand job money... i promise its the best you will ever have."

so the man agrees and pays the money and gets the hand job and it is the best he has ever had.

the next day he comes in and sits next to the lady in red and after a few drinks he says to her "that hand job was pretty amazing... but what about a BJ?"

the lady in red says "sure thing, for $1,000."

the man says "what?! $1,000?! you're kidding right?"

the lady points out the window to the high rise apartments across the street and says "you see those high dollar high rise apartments across the street? i own those and i paid for them in cash with BJ money and i promise it will be the best you ever had!"

so reluctantly the man agrees and he gets his BJ and exchanges the money and leaves the bar fully satisfied.

so the third day the man comes back and sits next to the lady in red and has a few drinks. "Ok" he says "lets get down to business... how much for sex?"

so the lady in red points out the window and says ... "well you see the sky scraper buildings, the giant banks, ALL the high rise apartments of downtown around that beautiful park area and ALL the land beyond them as far as you can see to the horizon?"

"Yes" the man says excitedly

"well" says the lady... "once the sex change operation is completed i'll own all of that too!"

FIREWALL · 03-27-09, 10:48 AM

Digital_Trucker · 03-27-09, 11:21 AM

Iron Budokan · 03-27-09, 11:28 AM

HunterICX · 03-27-09, 11:55 AM

nice!

HunterICX

Kratos · 03-27-09, 01:16 PM

reminds me of a weekend in Amsterdam, I met a gorgeous brunette on the corner of canal street and asked her if she was on her own and how much? ''50 euros she relpied'' 50 euros! thats why your on your own i told her.

Jimbuna · 03-27-09, 03:48 PM

Frame57 · 03-27-09, 04:47 PM

Jimbuna · 03-28-09, 07:56 AM

Got a text off my friend earlier, it read:

"Hey mate, I've found a local prostitute who charges by the inch. I can't afford her, but I thought it would be a cheap night out for you."

What a twunt!!
I've forwarded that to his wife.

sunvalleyslim · 03-28-09, 08:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jimbuna

Got a text off my friend earlier, it read:

"Hey mate, I've found a local prostitute who charges by the inch. I can't afford her, but I thought it would be a cheap night out for you."

What a twunt!!
I've forwarded that to his wife.

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

bookworm_020 · 03-29-09, 11:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jimbuna

Got a text off my friend earlier, it read:

"Hey mate, I've found a local prostitute who charges by the inch. I can't afford her, but I thought it would be a cheap night out for you."

What a twunt!!
I've forwarded that to his wife.

So when's the divorce???

Jimbuna · 03-30-09, 11:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bookworm_020

So when's the divorce???

After my divorce, I realised that poker isn't the only game that starts with holding hands and ends with a staggering financial loss.

03-27-09, 10:01 AM	#1
GoldenRivet Subsim Aviator Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Texas Posts: 8,726 Downloads: 146 Uploads: 0	Lady in red (racy joke) warning - i cleaned it up the best i could ====================== A man walks into a bar and sees a beautiful lady in a red dress sitting at the bar a few stools down the way. realizing the man's obvious interest, the lady in red walks over and sits next to him and whispers in his ear "I'll give you the best hand job you've ever had for $250." the man says "$250!!?? you've lost your mind how do you justify such a price?" the lady in red points out the window and says "see that Porsche sitting in the parking lot? its mine, and i purchased it in cash with hand job money... i promise its the best you will ever have." so the man agrees and pays the money and gets the hand job and it is the best he has ever had. the next day he comes in and sits next to the lady in red and after a few drinks he says to her "that hand job was pretty amazing... but what about a BJ?" the lady in red says "sure thing, for $1,000." the man says "what?! $1,000?! you're kidding right?" the lady points out the window to the high rise apartments across the street and says "you see those high dollar high rise apartments across the street? i own those and i paid for them in cash with BJ money and i promise it will be the best you ever had!" so reluctantly the man agrees and he gets his BJ and exchanges the money and leaves the bar fully satisfied. so the third day the man comes back and sits next to the lady in red and has a few drinks. "Ok" he says "lets get down to business... how much for sex?" so the lady in red points out the window and says ... "well you see the sky scraper buildings, the giant banks, ALL the high rise apartments of downtown around that beautiful park area and ALL the land beyond them as far as you can see to the horizon?" "Yes" the man says excitedly "well" says the lady... "once the sex change operation is completed i'll own all of that too!" __________________

03-27-09, 10:48 AM	#2
FIREWALL Eternal Patrol Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: CATALINA IS. SO . CAL USA Posts: 10,108 Downloads: 511 Uploads: 0	__________________ RIP FIREWALL I Play GWX. Silent Hunter Who ???

03-27-09, 11:21 AM	#3
Digital_Trucker Silent Hunter Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: The Peach State Posts: 4,171 Downloads: 141 Uploads: 10	__________________ RSM-GIEP-Killflags-LV Tribute-Playable Elco __Peace be with you, Dave.

03-27-09, 11:28 AM	#4
Iron Budokan Sea Lord Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Texas Posts: 1,778 Downloads: 32 Uploads: 0	__________________ "You will take on England wherever you find her ships, and you will break her power at sea." --Iron Coffins, Herbert A. Werner http://kennethmarkhoover.com

03-27-09, 11:55 AM	#5
HunterICX Rear Admiral Join Date: May 2006 Location: Malaga, España Posts: 10,750 Downloads: 8 Uploads: 0	nice! HunterICX __________________

03-27-09, 01:16 PM	#6
Kratos Ace of the Deep Join Date: Apr 2007 Posts: 1,267 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	reminds me of a weekend in Amsterdam, I met a gorgeous brunette on the corner of canal street and asked her if she was on her own and how much? ''50 euros she relpied'' 50 euros! thats why your on your own i told her. __________________

03-27-09, 03:48 PM	#7
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,461 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	__________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

03-27-09, 04:47 PM	#8
Frame57 Sea Lord Join Date: May 2008 Location: 1300 feet on the crapper Posts: 1,860 Downloads: 2 Uploads: 0	__________________ "My Religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble minds." Albert Einstein

03-28-09, 07:56 AM	#9
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,461 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Got a text off my friend earlier, it read: "Hey mate, I've found a local prostitute who charges by the inch. I can't afford her, but I thought it would be a cheap night out for you." What a twunt!! I've forwarded that to his wife. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!