The Empire Strikes Back Again

Sailor Steve · 02-01-07, 03:28 PM

I just saw this on another board I visit. The discussion was about the original Star Wars movies, and this was just priceless:

A furious light saber duel is under way. DARTH VADER is backing LUKE SKYWALKER toward the end of the gantry. A quick move by Vader, chops off Luke's hand! It goes spinning off into the ventilation shaft. Luke backs away. He looks round, but realizes there's nowhere to go but straight down.
DARTH VADER: "Obi Wan never told you what happened to your father."
LUKE: "He told me enough! He told me you killed him!"
DARTH VADER: "No! I am your father!"
LUKE: "No, it's not true! It's impossible."
DARTH VADER: "Search your feelings; you know it to be true."
LUKE: "NO!"
DARTH VADER: "Yes, it is true and you know what else? You know that brass droid of yours?"
LUKE: "Threepio?"
DARTH VADER: "Yes, Threepio, I built him when I was seven years old."
LUKE: "No."
DARTH VADER: "Seven years old? And what have you done? Look at yourself, no hand, no job, and couldn't even levitate your own ship out of the swamp."
LUKE: "I worked hard on that moisture farm."
DARTH VADER: "What? Hauling buckets? I spent my childhood as a slave then *real* Jedi training, not 'a few days in the swamp with Yoda'."
LUKE: "I destroyed your precious Death Star!"
DARTH VADER: "When you were 20! When I was 10, I single-handedly destroyed a Trade Federation Droid Control ship!"
LUKE: "Well, it's not my fault."
DARTH VADER: "Oh, here we go. 'Poor me, my father never gave me what I wanted for my birthday, boo hoo, my daddy's the Dark Lord of the Sith.. waahhh wahhh!'"
LUKE: "Shut up."
DARTH VADER: "You're a slacker! By the time I was your age, I had exterminated the Jedi knights!"
LUKE: "I used to race my T-16 through Beggar's Canyon!"
DARTH VADER: "Oh, for the love of the Emperor … 10 years old, winner of the Boonta Eve Open. Only human to ever fly a Pod Racer, right here baby!"
Luke looks down the shaft. Takes a step toward it.
DARTH VADER: "I was wrong. You're not my kid. I don't know whose you are, but you sure ain't mine."
Luke takes a step off the platform, hesitates, then plunges down the shaft.
Darth Vader looks after him.
DARTH VADER: "And get a haircut!"
:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

snowsub · 02-01-07, 03:31 PM

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

STEED · 02-01-07, 03:35 PM

That must be the alternative ending to The Empire Strikes Back. :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

TteFAboB · 02-01-07, 03:38 PM

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

ASWnut101 · 02-01-07, 06:53 PM

:p :rotfl:

Wher'd you find it?

Letum · 02-01-07, 07:08 PM

Im the only person on the internets who hasn't seen a starwars film.

Safe-Keeper · 02-01-07, 08:29 PM

Darth Vader: Luke... I am your father!
Luke Skywalker: Noooo! That's impossible!
Darth Vader: It's true! And Princess Leia is your sister!
Luke Skywalker: That's... improbable.
Darth Vader: And the Empire will be defeated by Ewoks!
Luke Skywalker: That's... highly unlikely...
Darth Vader: And as a kid, I built C-3PO!
Luke Skywalker: ...wha?
[time passes]
Darth Vader: And you know that all-powerful Force? That's really just microscopic bacteria called Midichlorians!
Luke Skywalker: Look, if you're not gonna take this seriously, I'm outta here!

Sigh... after watching Das Boot, I can't help thinking that the Yavin IV base should've been bombed to Hell during the award ceremony. Would've made for one Hell of an ending.

Quote:

Im the only person on the internets who hasn't seen a starwars film.

Damned virgins:p.

ASWnut101 · 02-01-07, 08:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Letum

Im the only person on the internets who hasn't seen a starwars film.

Are you serious?

stabiz · 02-01-07, 10:51 PM

Yeah, but George Lucas messed up the three first(last) movies so badly that the entire franchise reeks of manure, so dont worry, Letum.

Give me a shovel and Jar-Jar Binks(?), and I`ll work up a sweat.

WutWuzDat · 02-01-07, 11:39 PM

:rotfl: :rotfl: Priceless!!

Konovalov · 02-02-07, 05:07 AM

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: Brilliant.

Letum · 02-02-07, 05:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ASWnut101

Quote:

Originally Posted by Letum

Im the only person on the internets who hasn't seen a starwars film.

Are you serious?

Yup.

Ive seen a few clips and they al look a bit daft.

Prahaps I'm missing out, but ignorance is bliss.

goldorak · 02-02-07, 08:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Letum

Quote:

Originally Posted by ASWnut101

Quote:

Originally Posted by Letum

Im the only person on the internets who hasn't seen a starwars film.

Are you serious?

Yup.

Ive seen a few clips and they al look a bit daft.

Prahaps I'm missing out, but ignorance is bliss.

Absolutely not, the only way to missing out on star wars was not to have seen it in the theaters when you were a kid.
So its really no big deal. :rotfl:

[mode awaiting heavy flak from star wars fans]

Its a substandard sicence-fiction-fantasy film.
Nice to see when you're a kid but that's it.

[/mode awaiting heavy flak from star wars fans off]

baggygreen · 02-02-07, 08:42 AM

that is pure class!

Konovalov · 02-02-07, 09:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by goldorak

Quote:

Originally Posted by Letum

Quote:

Originally Posted by ASWnut101

Quote:

Originally Posted by Letum

Im the only person on the internets who hasn't seen a starwars film.

Are you serious?

Yup.

Ive seen a few clips and they al look a bit daft.

Prahaps I'm missing out, but ignorance is bliss.

Absolutely not, the only way to missing out on star wars was not to have seen it in the theaters when you were a kid.
So its really no big deal. :rotfl:

[mode awaiting heavy flak from star wars fans]

Its a substandard sicence-fiction-fantasy film.
Nice to see when you're a kid but that's it.

[/mode awaiting heavy flak from star wars fans off]

I must not have grown up then.

02-01-07, 03:28 PM	#1
Sailor Steve Eternal Patrol Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: High in the mountains of Utah Posts: 50,369 Downloads: 745 Uploads: 249	The Empire Strikes Back Again I just saw this on another board I visit. The discussion was about the original Star Wars movies, and this was just priceless: A furious light saber duel is under way. DARTH VADER is backing LUKE SKYWALKER toward the end of the gantry. A quick move by Vader, chops off Luke's hand! It goes spinning off into the ventilation shaft. Luke backs away. He looks round, but realizes there's nowhere to go but straight down. DARTH VADER: "Obi Wan never told you what happened to your father." LUKE: "He told me enough! He told me you killed him!" DARTH VADER: "No! I am your father!" LUKE: "No, it's not true! It's impossible." DARTH VADER: "Search your feelings; you know it to be true." LUKE: "NO!" DARTH VADER: "Yes, it is true and you know what else? You know that brass droid of yours?" LUKE: "Threepio?" DARTH VADER: "Yes, Threepio, I built him when I was seven years old." LUKE: "No." DARTH VADER: "Seven years old? And what have you done? Look at yourself, no hand, no job, and couldn't even levitate your own ship out of the swamp." LUKE: "I worked hard on that moisture farm." DARTH VADER: "What? Hauling buckets? I spent my childhood as a slave then real Jedi training, not 'a few days in the swamp with Yoda'." LUKE: "I destroyed your precious Death Star!" DARTH VADER: "When you were 20! When I was 10, I single-handedly destroyed a Trade Federation Droid Control ship!" LUKE: "Well, it's not my fault." DARTH VADER: "Oh, here we go. 'Poor me, my father never gave me what I wanted for my birthday, boo hoo, my daddy's the Dark Lord of the Sith.. waahhh wahhh!'" LUKE: "Shut up." DARTH VADER: "You're a slacker! By the time I was your age, I had exterminated the Jedi knights!" LUKE: "I used to race my T-16 through Beggar's Canyon!" DARTH VADER: "Oh, for the love of the Emperor … 10 years old, winner of the Boonta Eve Open. Only human to ever fly a Pod Racer, right here baby!" Luke looks down the shaft. Takes a step toward it. DARTH VADER: "I was wrong. You're not my kid. I don't know whose you are, but you sure ain't mine." Luke takes a step off the platform, hesitates, then plunges down the shaft. Darth Vader looks after him. DARTH VADER: "And get a haircut!" :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: __________________ “Never do anything you can't take back.” —Rocky Russo

02-01-07, 03:31 PM	#2
snowsub 中国水兵 Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Moreton bay Posts: 286 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: __________________

02-01-07, 03:35 PM	#3
STEED Lucky Jack Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Down Town UK Posts: 27,695 Downloads: 89 Uploads: 48	That must be the alternative ending to The Empire Strikes Back. :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: __________________ Dr Who rest in peace 1963-2017. To borrow Davros saying...I NAME YOU CHIBNALL THE DESTROYER OF DR WHO YOU KILLED IT!

02-01-07, 03:38 PM	#4
TteFAboB Admiral Join Date: Oct 2004 Posts: 2,247 Downloads: 4 Uploads: 0	:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: __________________ "Tout ce qui est exagéré est insignifiant." ("All that is exaggerated is insignificant.") - Talleyrand

02-01-07, 06:53 PM	#5
ASWnut101 Admiral Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: USA Posts: 2,021 Downloads: 9 Uploads: 0	:p :rotfl: Wher'd you find it? __________________

02-01-07, 07:08 PM	#6
Letum Navy Seal Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: York - UK Posts: 6,079 Downloads: 43 Uploads: 0	Im the only person on the internets who hasn't seen a starwars film. __________________

02-01-07, 10:51 PM	#9
stabiz Silent Hunter Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Norway Posts: 4,224 Downloads: 14 Uploads: 0	Yeah, but George Lucas messed up the three first(last) movies so badly that the entire franchise reeks of manure, so dont worry, Letum. Give me a shovel and Jar-Jar Binks(?), and I`ll work up a sweat. __________________

02-01-07, 11:39 PM	#10
WutWuzDat Planesman Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: I can't remember... In front of a PC? Posts: 185 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	:rotfl: :rotfl: Priceless!! __________________ - Adam ©1988 - 2008. All rights reserved. Life is like a roll of toliet paper, the older you get, the faster it goes!

02-02-07, 05:07 AM	#11
Konovalov Ocean Warrior Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: High Wycombe, Bucks, UK Posts: 2,811 Downloads: 9 Uploads: 0	:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: Brilliant. __________________ "In a Christian context, sexuality is traditionally seen as a consequence of the Fall, but for Muslims, it is an anticipation of paradise. So I can say, I think, that I was validly converted to Islam by a teenage French Jewish nudist." Sheikh Abdul-Hakim Murad (Timothy Winter)

02-02-07, 08:42 AM	#14
baggygreen Sea Lord Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Canberra, ACT, Down Under (really On Top) Posts: 1,880 Downloads: 7 Uploads: 0	that is pure class!