[UKönig]

"Well sir, its bad, very very bad. We're crawling back to base on knees and nipples if you don't think that's serious enough, but at very rough estimate, at least 73% of the boat has been damaged or destroyed."
I wince. The 2WO winces too. "Go on" I bid him. He looks down at his clipboard, lifts the top page, reads quickly from the second page, then lowers the first page again. "Uh.." he gets no farther as I hold my hand up to stop him. "Hang on a sec, I have a feeling I'm going to need this". I say as I reach for my 'victory bottle'. Beck's beer. Great stuff. Was supposed to save it for celebration but we don't have much left to cheer about. I crack the top and take a long pull. Wiping my mouth on my sleeve I bid my engineer to continue. I get a funny look from the chief. "What, you prefer that I drink from it while sitting at the attack scope like the time we took on that tanker convoy"?
"If you'll let me continue" he complains.
I sit back again, "go ahead".
"I'll start from aft and work my way forward, I think the worst of the internal damage was done aft of the control room anyway."
"The stern compartment containing the E-motors and compressors escaped serious damage. Our decoy launcher was unaffected. The Port E-motor and drive clutch remained operable, despite the severe damage to the port diesel engine in the next compartment." He pauses reads a bit, then continues. "Our crew managed to maintain the underwater drive, but the port diesel was completely out of action. We were able to improvise a connection with the port compressor which would have been the only back up to our buggy main pump, which I will get to."
"But there's no way you can restore the surface drive"?
"No sir, the damage is too severe. In fact, we now make better knots underwater than above."
"What else?"
"The port side lubricating oil supply tanks, collecting tanks, and dirty oil tank were all cracked and leaky and that contributed to the sludgy water that collected in the bilge." "The fuel tanks remained tight and despite the damage, operation of the starboard diesel was not affected."
"Moving forward, into the POs mess".
Yes, it really was.
"Battery number two was damaged, and its connection was lost. Some of the cells were cracked, but only 2 or 3 and we were able to contain the damage quickly. When we took a closer look we realized that only a few bridging bars would be needed to restore power."
"The refrigeration plant was destroyed completely but the high pressure air bank cell #3 was, thankfully, unharmed."
I butt in, "The same thing cannot be said for the toilet door."
"No sir, it was blown right off its hinges. I mean, the toilet does still work, it's just that, you can't close the door anymore, that's all".
"Well, that and the officer's billet in the after quarters was totally destroyed as well. The poor guy's bunk all blasted to scrap. It would be like lying down on a bed of nails."
Yeah, I remember, things were pretty unpleasant back there for a while.
"The galley was completely destroyed as well, that's why we've all been drinking cold coffee and tea, and eating cold sandwiches or canned food. We gotta use this stuff up."
I ask then, "What else is there"?
"Well, the exterior damage to the forward deck and the missing surface weapons you already know about so we'll skip that part, I guess now we come to the control room."
"Except for a lot of broken glass and piping, the most serious problem is the main pump. It's working alright for now, but if it takes just one more hit that will be the last. We have our jerry-rigged ballast pump on stand by, but it will make more than enough racket to give us away, stealth will not be possible. So let's just hope that we're near enough to Norway that it won't matter."
"Oh and one last thing..."
"What's that"?
"The charts table drawer is squeaky". A long look from me.
"I think it came off its roller."
"Is that really pertinent to anything"?
"You asked for a complete list of the damages on board, I thought, now's the time"...
After gulping down the last of my beer, I head into the control room to begin the surface operation. At this rate, we should be back in Bergen in about 20 minutes. It should be dark enough by then that the night will conceal the deplorable state my ship is in.
Just wait until they see me now...