A military aircraft had gear problems on landing, and as the plane was skidding down the tarmac the tower controller asked if they needed assistance. From the plane came a laconic southern voice:
Dunno - we ain't done crashin' yet.
If God had intended man to fly, He would not have invented Spanish Air Traffic Control.
— Lister, in the BBC TV series, 'Red Dwarf.'
Lufthansa Pilot to co-pilot, forgetting that the frequency was open: "We used to come up the Thames, and turn over here for the docks...."
Voice on frequency: "ACHTUNG SPITFEUR"
A story from a friend in BA. He was overflying Aden, and saw an Aeroflot freighter climbing out.
Heavily accented voice on frequency: "Hey, English, you used to have Aden?"
BA: "Yes, we did. Why?"
HAV: "Ve have had to overnight there, and you can have it back!"
While stationed with the USMC (United States Marine Corps) at Cherry Point, North Carolina, back in the the 1960s, I worked in a Headquarters Squadron that had three C-117s (a military version of the DC-3).
One of these aircraft had an unusual radio configuration that incorporated several circuit breakers on the bulkhead behind the pilot's head. Why? Who knows! But unfortunately we continually had many flights cancelled because of reports that the radios didn't work.
Well, the radios worked fine but some of the pilots refused to familiarize themselves with the airplane and perform proper pre-flight inspections. So they never turned on the radio circuit breakers.
After signing off about fifty gripes by saying "no problem found", I did something one day that cured the problem..
I signed off the aircraft yellow gripe sheet with the following comment: "Short between the pilot's headset".
This was an obvious comment on the deficiency of brain matter in the pilot's head. Well, that got me chewed out royally by the squadron maintenance officer, who I was told later had laughed uncontrollably after I left his office. The problem was solved though, because the negligent pilots were made the butt of so much teasing that nobody again forgot to turn on those circuit breakers.
(Thanks M Savage, former USMC Sergeant and later a long-time commercial pilot and flight instructor - 24 Sep 2010)