Tonight on LOST...
Sawyer: "STAY away from Kate, she's my woman. It's bad enough with the Doc chasin' her, now you- No WAY!"
Dowly: "What the **** are you talking about?"
Sawyer: "Don't play dumb with me, Swedish Hamptser!"
Dowly: "What? It's Finnish Ferret! And don't call me Swedish!"
Sawyer: "Whatever, Swedish, Norwegian, it's all the same."
Dowly lunges at Sawyer. Sawyer's punch lands in Dowly's gut. Dowly spins around and pokes Sawyer in the eye with an eye-poke, Then gives Sawyer a noogie on the head. Sawyer winces in pain and submits.
Sawyer: "Oh, enough already Hampster. Dude, why are fightin' like the Three Stooges?"
Dowly: "It's the secret Finnish warrior way, how the hell do you think we beat the Russians in '40, with lutefisk?"* Why did you attack me, I just want the disk, I have no interest in Kate. My only love is Il-2 and dominating Kratos. I have no time for women."
(*program note: Finns don't actually fight like the 3 Stooges.)
Sawyer: "Really? Hampster, that's all you do is play Il-2. That's hardcore. Here's the disk, there's nothing on it. Fish biscuit?"
Back at the beach...
Jack: "Sayid, does Locke know about the new submarine? We gotta keep him away from it."
Sayid: " I don't think so. Ever since that paddle ball washed up on shore, he's been pretty busy."
Flash Forward:
CNN reporter: "Today, somewhere in the South Pacific, an urgent message was recieved from a sinking merchant ship, saying they had been torpedoed and sinking rapidly. The message was cut off before the location could be obtained. The Russians and Chinese have denied envolvment. President Pelosi stated that we have disolved our navy, so it wasn't us."
Hurley, with cable hooked up to his hut, sits and watches re-runs of Scooby Doo.
He mumbles to himself "Scooby, dude don't take the scooby snack, it's not worth it."
Suddenly, an image apears before Hurley. "Hurley. Hurley. You must find Locke. Degobah system, yoda, new submarine."
hurley freaks out. "I don't see dead people, you're not real....Charley, go away!"
Charley: "Would you go to Locke for a Ho-Ho?"
Hurley: "Dude, no, you're dead! Dead dudes don't have real ho-hos."
Charley: "It's cream filled, plus, Locke has beer."
...Suddenly a second voice: "Who has beer?"
Subman1, this isn't your scene, get out of here, you'll ruin the atmosphere.
..."sorry."
Hurley races throught the jungle, no...waddles through the jungle to Locke's new home- the cabin."
Hurley approaches the cabin, wheezing heavily, Locke comes out.
"Hurley, is something wrong?"
"Locke, there's a (takes a bite from his 7th ho ho) dude, submarine, dog-guy with a white cap..."
"Hurley, slow down...what's going on? god, don't talk with your mouth full!"
"Hurry, there's a new sub, like all old and stuff, at the beach and this weird dog guy who wants to see the hobbit and a ferret. I don't know what he's talking about."
"Hurley, you gotta show me this sub."
Flashback:
"So, we've been going out for 15 minutes, wanna make out?"
"Bah, you look like a dog, I'd just assume kiss a wookie." A girl storms out of a nameless movie theater.
a young Mcbee shruggs and continues to each his popcorn.
There's a knock at the hut door.
"Come in."
Juliet: "You know Mcbee, ever since you've arrived on this island, my pheremone levels are, you know
very high. How about I rub your back with this astro-glide hot message oil." A tank top and a back-pack fall to the hut floor...
Ol' McBee: :p
"Well, my collar is chafing me, you could take my collar off."
"okay, McBee, but my eyes are up here, look at the eyes."
McBee bursts out of the hut and runs to the nearest palm tree, sniffs, walks around three times and...
Juliet: "What, what, what the hell are you doing?"
"Marking my territory. It's a large island and there are A LOT of trees to mark!"
Juliet puts her tank top back
on and runs out of the hut in tears. "That is so discusting."
Later that day, Juliet ponders to herself as she slowly walks in the surf; could she love someone who marks his territory. I could over look that....
A box brushes up against her foot. Juliet looks down; "What's this? Il-2 the 1952 Mig Alley missions add-on?"
Queue LOST music
