I would say it's a tossup between the RAM and the graphics. 4 GB is good, 8 GB is better.
As for the card, I recently upgraded my poor old machine, and it's much easier than you think. Every new card comes with instructions, and with a disc that installs the software for you. Yes, I currently have XP, but hardware upgrades are fairly straightforward and pretty much the same across the board.
That said, don't trust me. This is where the Subsim computer crowd hangs out, and you'll find several people who can help you, and will.
Third, jwilliams' advice is also worth listening to. Ask around and you should be able to find someone who has done it before. But make sure they show you what they've done to their own machine and aren't just talking big.
I've upgraded my PC several times, and it's not nearly as hard as it we always think it's going to be.
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