DRUNK MONKEYS GO BANANAS
Ghost Team rises in standings.
Week 4 in the Subsim Fantasy Football League...and the other journalists are all talking about.
"Hey Gut Wrench, can't you read?"
"Hey Gut Wrench, pay attention."
"You need glasses."
...and yes, all of the above is correct. To the Drunk Monkeys and the Helmand Nighthawks, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) are profoundly apologetic for their error in last weeks report, and have no idea at all how I ballsed up the score so badly.
And in honor of that, we humbly request your acceptance of our apology with the following message.
DONATE TO SUBSIM...SO GUT WRENCH CAN SEE WHAT HE'S WRITING.
Not really, just donate.
On with the show.
This weeks Match of the Day was back at Wembley where after a count back, the Helmand Nighthawks fell to 1-2, and were hosting the Who Dat Nation. After getting last weeks statistics wrong, the Nighthawks came out and just belted the Nation with three players scoring over 20 individual points. With Kirk Cousins passing for 3 touchdowns (22 points) Emanuel Sanders receiving 88 yards and one touchdown (22 points) and Ezekiel Elliot rushing for 138 yards and 1 touchdown (28 points) the Nighthawks set last years champion a sizeable target to chase down. The Who Dat Nation were relying on Drew Brees (QB) to have a 500 yard day (right division, wrong team) but only managed to score 16 points. Melvin Gordon (RD) and Antonio Brown (WR) carried the Nighthawks for a combined 56 points, but the remainder of the team, suffering jet lag and Newcastle Ale hangover, just didn't live up to expectations. The Nighthawks take back their loss from the previous week from the Who Dat Nation, outscoring them 140 - 116.
Back on the homeland, the Guns of Hochuli were hosting the Australian Taipans. Until this week the Taipans have scored more points than anyone else, but alas, have also had more points scored against them than anyone else resulting in a losing record. The Gunners sitting at 3-0 with sole ownership of the league were looking to put themselves two games clear of everyone with a sizeable win against the foreign imports. Gunners started quickly Thursday night with AJ GReen (WR) going for 173 yards and 1 touchdown for 39 points. Taipans never really got off the ground, and with several players injured, left the gate wide open for the Gunners to bookend the week with a statement performance by Ben Rothlisberger (QB) of 300 yards and 5 touchdowns for 48.90 points. Taipans have yet another team score big against them as the Guns of Hochuli easily account for them, 167 - 100. Guns of Hochuli move to next week salivating for their next victim.
The big show however, was from Coach Thad's team. On the road against the Black Cats, the Drunk Monkeys proved that last weeks accounting error was mo misnomer as they set about putting the Black Cats in a coma. Cats QB Cam Newton was injured during the game, depriving the Cats a points scoring machine. In retaliation, Drunk Monkeys WR Julio Jones set the world on fire, and carrying their team to a second consecutive win, even though Eddie Lacey (RB) was a non starter. I think we had this conversation last year, just what could the Drunk Monkeys do if they showed up? Drunk Monkeys obliterate the Black Cats 148 - 109.
So last week the mix up with the Drunk Monkeys created controversy in the scoring department, so we need to look closely at just where our teams stand.
The Guns of Hochuli stand alone at the top of the league at 4-0. They are 2-0 over their divisional opponents and hold a two game lead over everyone else in the league. Now emerging as the favorite for the Torpedo Bowl.
Now in second place it's a mess, so we'll carve it up so that it presents the most interesting approach possible. Three teams sit at 2-2 and remarkable, the Drunk Monkeys (SubSimmers Division) are ahead on for and against (How on earth is THAT possible?) The Black Cats and the Nighthawks sit at 2-2 wrestling for the Surface Skimmers Division lead, with the Cats winning it on a half game divisional advantage.
At the bottom of the table at 1-3 are the Australian Taipans, and last years champion the Who Dat Nation. The Taipans relinquish most points scored this week the Guns of Hochuli, but still retain most points scored against. The Taipans and Nation have split their series 1-1, so the Nation is relegate to 6th. The defending Torpedo Bowl Champions are in last place a quarter of the way through the season. Unbelievable.
With the table reset, we now need to look at where to go for next weeks best match up. Should we go to Australia to see if the Taipans can stop the Monkeys? Do we slip down to Carolina to watch two prior champions battle? Nope, we're heading to the Guns of Hochuli hosting the Helmand Nighthawks. Despite the statistical information, this match looks like being the traditional slug em out powerhouse football we've come to expect of these two stalwarts.
Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.
Hard not to pick the champion this week. For the effort of 12 receptions for 300 yards and 1 touchdown, for a total of 54 points, the Associated Subsim Writers are pleased to present Julio Jones of the Drunk Monkeys the Week Four MVT.
