[Gargamel]

Probably all have seen this before, but it's always funny:

OK some of you have probably seen this before but hey here it is again! (best thing is, after working in the Aviation ind for a while i know how true to life some of these reports can be!!)

After every [flight Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet,"

which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.

The mechanics correct the problems & document their repairs on the form, and

then

pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.



Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots

(marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance

engineers.


By the way, Qantas is the only major airlinethat has never had an accident.


P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.


P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.


P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit.


P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.


P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute

descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.


P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.


P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.


P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what they're for.


P: IFF inoperative.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.


P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.


P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.


P: Aircraft handles funny.

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.


P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.


P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.


And the best one for last...


P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget

pounding on something with a hammer

S: Took hammer away from midget