Thought this would just be a "Waiting for Guffman" joke for all eternity, but it looks like some enterprising company went ahead and made one.
https://www.battlezonehobbies.com/product-p/d80149.htm
It's a limited edition figure, so it's obscenely expensive, and seeing Johann in a snazzy blue uniform and not disgusted by fresh air is wrong on multiple levels, but hey, it's better than nothing.