I was raiding a port. My torpedos did bubcas, and I was being chased out by a destroyer. Popped up to shoot a trawler. Got it, but got hit.
ME: Dive to periscope depth!
NO: The water is shallow!
ME: But deep enough for periscope depth!
*Bernard crashes submarine into the ground*
ME: PERISCOPE DEPTH!
ME: Oh no, it's not working!
ME: BLOW BALAST!
ME: CRAP! It's not working! We took on too much flood water!
ME: Who put Bernand in charge of anything?
ME: Bernard!
Burnard the dunderhead: Yes?
ME: Swim for it! We must surrender. Open the hatches and hold your breath.