If you don't work on-change-break the tribal system you'll just be another "passing by conquerer". They had many. They either fought them or waited them out. In either case they didn't "change". And that is their victory! So you need a social engineering plan. Maybe a fundamental change in the traditional economy so as to bring people from their villages to the 4 or 5 bigger cities. In this context maybe the real enemy isn't the taliban but the puppy flower!
Anyway I think that, for the US, Afganistan is actually a "secondary target" when compaped to Iraq. Maybe this is the reason behind the stalemate.