I think BasilY's summary is just about perfect. There are a number of reasons why is game will never reflect real life, and he hit them just about perfectly.
For myself I try to play like a real captain. Not using external views is a big part of it. The uncertainty of not knowing what's going on outside makes a huge difference. A realism mod like any of the big three supermods makes a difference as well. Any game is going to be easier than real life when you can just reload or start a new career. If 'Dead is Dead' isn't enough, try this to make you sweat: "Dead is dead, and if I die I don't touch the game for a year." And no, I don't do that, even though I haven't played in a couple of years anyway.
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Originally Posted by PappyCain
Lemme see if I get this right. When one gets killed they just keep on going? I was under the impression you started from 1939 again, with anew Kaleun and crew not pick up where you left off. (respawn)
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It is possible to reload the same career, but that isn't 'Dead is Dead'. The game lets you start a new career at the beginning of each year up through 1943, and SH3 Commander lets you start a career at the beginning of any month of the war.
I run several careers concurrently, one from each flotilla. If one dies, or retires, I start a new career from that flotilla at the first of the next month. I'm cautious when I must be, aggressive when I think I can get away with it, and my tonnage totals seem to be in line with what you got from an average kaleun. I just keep pretending it's real and keep my crew's well being at the front of my mind.