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Originally Posted by Skybird
Two things.
First, if you join the military for any other reason than wanting to be with the military by heart and soul, then you are an idiot, and only a fool would like the perspective of going into battle with you by his side. It is not a simple job like any other. You eventually end up killing or getting killed, hurt others and getting hurt. Don't engage in this as a profession just because you have forgotten where your Mom has hidden the candies. This is not a job like any other, and you must not join the military just because you are looking for friends. That is stupid. there are many more ways to find friends.
Second, you said you can't stand being at home alone. I say: listen to the silence. It has a lot to tell you about yourself. I am always alarmed about people who can't be alone, because they are always - always! - running away, mostly from themselves, from uncomfortable questions. I also never met a person who can't be alone and was happy with all the action he/she filled her life with in order to evade the silence. It is just distraction from what really bothers you. If you always need the silence being filled with chatter, you cannot listen to any answers. If you can't stay alone with yourself, you don't live your life - you get lived: by others, and their standards and norms and opinions and deeds and actions.
avoiding the silence and joining the military for wrong reasons will do you no good, when taking for real what you wrote about your life. It may keep you so busy that you do not ask questions, and must not face your hidden self that torments you with the Why of your life - but that way you will never face yourself, you will never recongise yourself, and one day when it all comes to the end for you you will have lived your life in vain.
For some people, the military is the right thing. But never is the military the right thing for everybody. And my impression is for you it would just be another way to run away.
regarding your fiance: lket her go. ease your grip. If it is true that she left forever, then your part in this chapter of life is over. You are not the first, and won't be the last suffering this fate. Your fate is nothing special at all. So let it go, leave it behind, move on. time will heal the wounds. and at löeast you know that she is living on a life. If you really felt love, you should know by know that love does not need the poessession of the other, but wishes the other what is best for him/her no matter if you ghet your personal desires rewarded or not. True love canot be selfish. If you claim your desire to be the ultimate standard, then you did not love.
Sorry if I sound rude, but call it therapeutical cruelty.
And one final last thing. It's always better to use your freedom to direct yourself than getting directed by others. Because in this world most times the others will not mean it well with you. You want direction in your life? What's hindering you to try and find out? It's all laid out in front of you, wide and open, so see your options, and make use of them. By actually doing whatever you do you find out soon enough wether it will satisfy you or not. Just don't give your freedom away too easily. If you do - make sure that it is worth it.
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