Darn it I just returned 2 excellent books I could have used as a reference
I will try to answer anyway but I may be wrong on a couple.
1) Yes, torpedoes were loaded during engagements. The only thing preventing you from doing so would be if an escort was hounding you as violent maneuvers and depth charges would obviously make it too dangerous. However, lots of U-boat captains following standard tactics of staying outside the convoy and firing fans had time to shoot, shadow the convoy, reload and shoot again, at least early in the war.
2) I think the later ones did but I know for a fact Metox did not.
3) U-boat captains did engage and kill destroyers all through the war. I don't know if any went after groups of escorts per se but I remember reading about some engaging lone patrolling destroyers. I was very surprised to learn that a lot of the things I did and considered unrealistic (dogfighting destroyers) actually did occur and succeeded on many occasions.
4)This largely depends on the boat. Some captains listened to and even argued with their watch officers and even crew sometimes. Other captains were martinets whose word was law. You just have to decide how much insubordination and lax discipline you will tolerate.
Personally, when I attack a convoy, we break out the beer and sing songs, it's fun.
5) I'm not sure I understand this question. It seems to be worded strangely.
However, if you are asking what I think you are the answer is an emphatic yes.
Otto Krestchmer ring a bell? When he went to war most U-boat commanders never considered attacking on the surface at night but Krestchmer did it anyway in direct violation of S.O.P. He even got inside convoys on the surface and sometimes within a couple hundred meters of escorts. That sounds pretty reckless.
Nonetheless he was still the greatest U-boat hero Germany had, and not only was he not disciplined for his methods, he changed the way everybody else operated too. Until the radar was sufficiently developed a lot of U-boat commanders used his tactics.
A final note I really like your thread and I think it benefits greatly from your rather colorful Kaleuns.