'Set phasers to 'maim''
'I'm going to have to go outside, I can't get a signal on this damn thing'
'Have you tried turning it off, and then back on again?'
'No captain, I'm afraid it really is completely broken this time'
'What do you mean, it hasn't got a breathable atmosphere?'
'What do you mean, the shuttle has gone unserviceable?'
'Twenty years in Starfleet and I'm outranked by a goddam robot?'
'I'm afraid you can't use the holodeck, the cleaners are still trying to remove the stains'
'I'm picking up the armed forces network on sub space radio captain, can I pipe it through the ship?'
'You mean we're completely out of toilet paper?'
'You can feck off, there's no way I'm beaming down with a red shirt on!'
'Pardon me - Damn that transporter plays havoc with my digestion'
'Well we had to run out of ammo sometime, what do you expect on a five year mission for feck's sake?'
Chock